sugarbabies..
its all about size..right??? sooo over the weekend…..i convinced bribed a boy…with promises of porn filled evenings… if he would go with me to buy a reallllly big television porn player… (“sex on wheels” can only handle about 18″ …. which …is not that big in the world of porn)…. sooo we climbed into his truck and headed to Virginia….where tvs are bigger and taxes are lower….
but alas….it seems jesse janes dvd
is sooo hot it freaked out the built in dvd player in the new porn player(pp).
worst part…. the machine wouldnt give back the disc it had swallowed… a primo piece of andrew blake…art porn…
so what did we do??? naturally … we stuck ANOTHER movie in the slot… (insert your own “slot” joke here)
you can guess what a good plan that turned out to be…
now the fucker had TWO good dvds…and…
refused to barf em back out…great….
sooo..we decided the new pp was prob. cursed… morman… or at the very least anal retentive…im pretty sure thats what freud say bout it swallowing my porn…and not “returning” it…right???
we boxed that whack job back up….and hauled the monstrosity back to the store…
porn and all..
the GEEK SQUAD was called in to try to retrieve the dvds from the locked jaws of the new porn player…but….
they were not successful…
bad strategy on my part..i told em what was in there…..like they were gonna try very hard after they heard that…i bet soon as i left..they ripped that bastard apart…
soooo
a new porn player (pp) was purchased…
and socks…
ahhhh…life is good…
when your feet are warm and your pp is working…
xoxo
23 comments
October 31, 2007 at 9:20 am
Bridal Bird
Double-porn stuffed DVD Player? Best. Oreo. Ever.
best. metaphor. ever. xoxox
October 31, 2007 at 9:33 am
inowpronounceyou
Losing Andrew Blake porn? Now that sucks.
it is rumored that every time an andrew blake film is lost … the batteries die in an angels vibrator… xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 9:38 am
I-66
My pp is working.
And the dvd thing too.
October 31, 2007 at 9:45 am
charlotte harris
you know NOTHING else got done at Best Buy last night after you dropped off that busted “PP” – and after the store closed guess what those pimply faced boys were probably showing on the wall of TV screens in the back. you’re a porn enabler… LOL
all im gonna say…is … it looked like those boys in the geek squad could use alllll the help they could get…if that makes me a porn enabler….sigh..so be it!!
xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 10:15 am
ma
You crack me up. And I think that Charlotte is right. Best Buy was Best Porn for a couple of hours, girl.
best porn…there is a store i could shop in…xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 10:16 am
jess
can i come over to your house sometime?
the more the merrier!! xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 10:17 am
Jess
Those jerks stole your porn! How dare they.
the nerve of some folks!!! though… it was good stuff…so i cant blame them for being tempted!! xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 11:30 am
Velvet
You should test the next one with some subpar Girls-gone-wild kind of porn next time. Poor Jesse, I’m sure that’s not the way she likes to be eaten.
second rate stunt girl dvds tested the new one…. sooo far sooo good…xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 12:40 pm
rabbit
What exactly is art porn? Sounds a little pretentious. I prefer my pron (sic) with cheesy 70′s music and great lines like “Yeah baby, pop my cherry!”. There actually was a dive bar back in Dallas that had a pron (sic) karaoke night. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a 45 yr old Korean woman with a thick accent singing “Pound it daddy, harder, harder.” to music.
October 31, 2007 at 1:09 pm
TC the Terrible
First you d!ck-tease young boys at the gas pump. Then you trash soccer moms at Starbucks. Now you are giving our geeks free porn.
Is there any part of Centreville/NOVA that’s safe from your vivacious-ness?
ummm…no…prob not… but it think it is interesting how vivacious looks soooo much like vicious …xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Arjewtino
So, where exactly IS this store?
its the one with the mysteriously chillaxed geek squad…
xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Uncle Keith
I think it would be wise to avoid that store for a few weeks; everything will be sticky.
You didn’t lose any Katie Morgan porn, did you? She’s my favorite.
all the katie morgan is tucked safely in the bedside table…. unless…the housekeeper has pilfered her…xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 1:58 pm
freckledk
You are dead-set on corrupting me, aren’t you? Vixen.
ive seen the pix ..i dont think you can blame the corruption on me!! xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Drunken Chud
i’d have killed the PP. no one takes my porn and gets away with it. unless they leave me new porn in its place. then, we’re good.
im a live and let live kinda person…. but a girl has her limits…and ..needs…xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 4:07 pm
alex
I didn’t think anyone watched porn anymore in any other format besides free downloaded internet porn!
i dont mind paying for the good stuff… of course i dont mind getting the gift that keeps on giving either…
xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 4:40 pm
homeimprovementninja
1) A truck? I figured you were the type who likes guys on motorcycles.
i leave the bikers to another chick
2) Jesse Jane looks like a young Jenna Jameson (before the bad plastic surgery and anorexia).
i think…that might be why i like her sooo much
3) sex on wheels–now I get what you meant when you said you drive to work “topless”. (gotta get my mind outta the gutter). Nice wheels!
thanks…shes nothing but trouble…like me
4) losing p0rn sux…losing good p0rn REALLY sux. I remember when someone gave me some awesome stuff (autographed by Brianna herself!) and then took it back later. D’oh!!!
… seems like you’d have hidden it away in your ninja fortress…and claimed that it “disappeared” of course if you lost MY fave porn..id prob eat you up..xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 8:18 pm
rabbit
What exactly is art porn?
hey sugrpie!!! its basically….expensive porn…generally with a techno soundtrack..and slightly higher production values…. basically anything by andrew blake… and well ninn worx dvds come with a hardcore AND artcore disk…. think…high end porn as a backdrop in your “boom boom room”
xoxo
October 31, 2007 at 11:22 pm
rabbit
When you say “art porn” I imagine you sitting on your sofa, legs crossed nose up in the air with an aristocratic attitude. Listening to Mozart while eating caviar on crackers and remarking how the color of the drapes contrasts nicely with her ass………Oh and you’re wearing a monocle.
meeow…a monocle…thats hot
November 1, 2007 at 2:54 am
Drunken Chud
i suddenly want to buy a monocle. thanks rabbit.
i def think you could rock the monocle look….sexy chud….xoxo
November 1, 2007 at 8:43 am
skip
next time, call me, ok? they’re shit simple to take apart and retrieve the disc. I had to do it at a girlfriend’s parent’s house. :~)
DAMMMNIT…NOW you tell me!!!..
so let me get theis straight…
you make your own vodka AND you can retrieve porn from a whacked out dvd player….you may be the perfect man…xoxo
November 1, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Tim
I was under the impression that only TV characters had access to cars like your ‘sex on wheels’… totally hot. I hope its true that you drive a 911 around DC just to run errands. Seems that you’re one of the few with real class around here.
aww shucks..thank you…and yeah..she is real… real expensive to maintain…lol…but shes one of my only vices. xoxo
November 1, 2007 at 10:32 pm
rabbit
Suicide Blond, you rock.
January 14, 2008 at 4:41 pm
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