hi sugarbabies…
my tolerance for douchbagy behavior is at an all time low… rrgh…it went something like this….
4pm… text message from realllly rich man boy i used to see kinda often…
Im in town can i buy you a drink…
- douch move..if you haven’t seen me in mos. freaking call…i know rejection is easier in the form of a text…but grow some balls…call
i responded that i was tied up til late (not that way…*sigh*…i wish..)
he insisted…..would 8pm be late enough?…
- douche move..take no for an answer
i reluctantly agreed…
About 6pm i thought about canceling…but…
before i could… i get another text saying hes at one of the new uber fancy bars in my neighborhood.. waiting…
rrrgh.. TWO HOURS EARLY….
- third douche move in two hours…not good
i sucked it up and thought..ok… well hes close by… i can do it…
i sighed as i turned off … a really good episode of CSI…
and walked out into the cold…
things went ok for about 15 min… he asked how i had been.. and almost managed to look like he cared…
i explained that i :
- had been realllly busy….ugh…
- was reallly exhausted… and..
- a good friends young daughter had been diagnosed with some realllly freaking scary asss medical shit….
through that conversation ..i stayed upbeat and positive…
BUT then… he said how he had been dealing with some real shit too..
oh no! i thought… thinking of his aging parents or some such thing…
…and im not making this up…
he starts going offff…about how he cant get the phone in his new Mercedes to work…
he works himself all up…slamming his phone on the bar…
- psycho douche move
now granted it can be frustrating to pay 90k for a new car and then have shit not work…
but damn it…
that is NOT a real problem
that is an inconvenience… there is a difference…
and if you have sooo much money that your attorney suggests that you start a charitable fund..to defray your tax liability….you should to know it…..
- douche move…I don’t want to sit in a bar and just nod my head at your silly rant… conversations go two ways…
quite frankly…the whole thing turned my stomach….
to the point that i told him…
umm ..look ..im gonna pass on the dinner offer….im really tired…
soooo then…. he invited me to a big party on sat night… in Miami…
- douche move…but..hey… who is counting???and i left out a few others…
Oh..wish i could… i said…but i already have plans…
that MADE HIM MAD…. no shit!!!
- douche move ..uh..youre upset that I cant go to a party in ANOTHER state without more than three days notice?? Fuck You…if i even LIKED you at the moment..i might consider it..but um…i dont…
i also told him:
“look sugarpie…youve had a few more drinks than me…so im gonna chalk it up to that..but…im sorry to have to be the one to tell you… you have waay toooo good a life to be concentrating on a bunch of petty negative shit… none of your problems cant be fixed with money..and you have plenty of it…”
and i left…
WORST PART… i looked freaking stunning…
what a fucking waste….
after i ditched him i went to chipotle…
ordered a chicken bowl… i watched the girl put a sloppy spoonful of guac on the top…
at that moment..
i knew id made the right decision… walking away from him…
i deleted him from my cell phone…
paid for my chicken bowl…
and walked quite contentedly back out into the cold…
xoxo
UPDATE: i got a text this morning saying please dont contact him…. ummm..dude..i have NEVER contacted YOU…i dont call boys….. maybe YOU should stop contacting ME…ya think??..you f-ing psycho!!
32 comments
November 7, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Jess
I think the best part is that you looked stunning. He obviously texted you just so that he could try to save face. Fooling only himself, of course.
damn i hate wasting a good hair/makeup night on a douche!! xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 1:02 pm
charlotte harris
Good on you for not wasting the “stunning” and at least strutting it around Chipotle. It can be a letdown to get all dolled up for a date and then find out he wasn’t worth the cuteness. I think I dated that same guy, or a dime-a-dozen-version-of-him, recently too. At least you only gave him your Tuesday.
“gave him my tuesday” ..hehe …that sounds kinda dirty!!! xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 1:29 pm
thecwexperience
the sad part about it was “dreamboat” saw absolutely nothing wrong with his behavior…
ugh ..youre sooooo right…xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Lemmonex
I am with Jess…his ego was bruised and he was trying to repair his ego by lying to himself and saying it was all your fault.
..i think y’all are right..and i think his ego may be bigger than his bank account…xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 1:42 pm
homeimprovementninja
Ouch!
The funny part is that his “my cell phone doesn’t work in my brand new Mercedes Benz…and why don’ t you come with me to Miami” schtick probably works really well with the materialistic 20 something label-whores in DC. Jus’ sayin.
At least you know you still got it.
yeah.. i know..it sounds good on paper… and im sure there are plenty of girls that would go for it… so why for the love of baby jeeeebus..is he wasting MY time??????
November 7, 2007 at 2:42 pm
jess
i love the one-way conversation. it’s such a good harbinger of les douchebags… it’s almost like a warning label.
i’m also a biiig fan of the cellphone no. delete. it can feel weirdly freeing
ive NEVER deleted anyone before… i always thought..humm..i want to be able to screen them…but yeah..at that moment i didnt want to even give him space in my phone list…xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 3:02 pm
ma
When are we going to hang out again? We need to! Soon! You’re fab.
SOON!!! cause i wanna check out that new little bar in your hood!!! xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 3:54 pm
TC the Terrible
Guys like him give guys a bad rep. Not all of us are like that. After all, when’s the last time you heard me bitch about the phone in my Benz not working?
thats why im waiting for an invitation to dinner with you and “the woman” and “the babies” cause you NEVER bitch about your Mercedes!! xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 3:56 pm
TC the Terrible
[...] SuicideBlonde hates it when a guy is a douchebag. Don’t we all. [...]
November 7, 2007 at 4:51 pm
mysterygirl!
You did everything right– you tried to be nice, but ultimately you refused to put up with his crap. Sometimes (um, usually!) Chipotle and CSI make for a better night.
i REALLLLLY did try…. i swear….and yep..csi and chiplotle… a way better bet… throw in ice cream and fleece pants..its a PERFECT STORM of cozy winter night… i wont loose THAT bet again… xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Uncle Keith
He has a point with the cell phone in his Benz not working. The only thing worse is when the ash trays get filled up. I eventually have to just abandon the thing along the beltway, and buy another.
You looked stunning, and he was more concerned about cellphones. He is a douche!
have i told you lately ..that youre freaking brilliant??? i spit my coke…and A-cups..is worried im gonna choke to death…xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 7:54 pm
freckledk
What a Jackie. I’m sorry that he wasted even a moment of your precious time, the bastard.
jackie is soooooo much nicer than the words i was thinking….xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 7:54 pm
rothko
Mmm . . . Chipotle chicken bowl. Nice save.
when life gives you beans..make a burrito…xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Mr. T in DC
Great story, sucky though it may have seemed at the time. Guacamole on a Chipotle chicken bowl is the perfect reward for putting up with the guy.
yeah… ya pay a little extra for the guac..but you still have your dignity when you leave… unlike the free dinner and party in miami…xoxo
November 7, 2007 at 11:22 pm
rabbit
First off, hope your friend’s daughter is ok.
Second, you’re much too kool to be hanging out with douchebags. What were you thinking? And you missed a good CSI episode. Tsk, tsk.
aww… youre as sweet as they come..i hope she will be ok too..we’ll know more soon after her surg..
and yeah.. a wasting a good csi episode is shameful… xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 9:17 am
Kim
This guy’s picture should be next to the word douchbag in the dictionary. Seriously.
And looking fab wasn’t wasted. It was that extra little ‘fuck you, look what your missing’. Very nice.
ok..im gonna go with that..the fab was a “fuck you fab“…good point… thanks …i feel better about it now..xoxxo
November 8, 2007 at 9:17 am
Reid
There’s an important lesson here for all of us: always choose guacamole. Always.
i suppose there are not many things in this world…that are not made better..with a generous dollop of guac…
xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Merujo
Good for you. Really, really excellent post.
Maybe DOUCHE is available as a vanity plate for his Mercedes.
Saw your link on DC Blogs today. Thanks for the good story.
And, it’s always fabulous to look stunning when you get to walk away from someone who’s being a weasel.
well..big ole thanks to DCBlogs…welcome to the dark side sugarpie…
and GREAT idea!!i tried it on the VIRGINA DMV site…they wont allow DOUCHE…BUT if we spell it with a zero..i think we can get it for him..or possibly..DOOSH xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 1:42 pm
legallyheidi
You are awesome!!!! Kudos to you for looking stunning when turning away from douchebaggery.
A cell fone not working? In a mercedes? A huge problem??? Srsly???? Wow. Way to go for getting this d-bag out of your life. You’re better than that
well..sometimes turning from the dark side of douchbaggery is not as hard as it would seem..when there is guacamole around..xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 1:56 pm
E
Funny thing is… ah… yesterday morning, I couldn’t get the phone in my new Mercedes to work either [slamming my phone on the desk as I type]. Can I get a date out of this?…
wait..ill get you his number!!!..oh wait.. i DELETED it… sorry you’ll have to go on a douchbag hunt… i recommend craigslist! ..xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 2:06 pm
cuff
I just take my mobile into my honda civic and it’s like instant car phone. He should try it.
yeah well..when i recommended that same thing…thats when he slammed his phone on the bar…and THAT is when i started looking for a way out..quick! xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Drunken Chud
i am gonna try this move tonight at the bar. mostly cuz i have more money than god. if god is only a hundredaire. i’ll ask a bunch of girls if they want to go to a party in miami. not sure how i’ll get there, but if i get laid before the day of the fake party, i can just tell her the party was cancelled. man, i am super sweet.
there are no words… luv… for your kind of sweetness…
xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Ulysses
That’s not a neat adventure. Maybe I misunderstood…
silly..no thats not the ONE!! lol
xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 6:19 pm
E
Dates off of Craigslist…. you just hit the sweet spot.
or as i like to call it the G-Spot of douchebag dates….xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 8:15 pm
alex
That guy is an adult child. Good job rescuing a bad night with Chipotle.
not just chipotle..chipotle WITH the GUAC..thats how i roll baby….welcome home!!xoxo
November 8, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Tim
i never like to laugh at your ‘misfortunes,’ but this episode was nothing but laughable. douchebaggery runs rampant through this city and apparently we now attract it from other cities. i guess its miami’s problem for a weekend. we need some kind of deflection device for DC… just deflect all of the douches to baltimore,or loudon county.
maybe we can try ACME … for the “Triple D” (douchebag deflector device)…. i know a coyote who had mixed results with their products…but they seem to have wide variety of that type of stuff in stock and ready to ship…
xoxo
November 9, 2007 at 5:32 am
Leon
I just mentioned Hotchickswithdouchebags.com today on my site. This guy sounds like a primecandidate!
Sorry you had to deal with that jackass. I’m not a huge Chipotle fan, but it sounds like that was a much more fulfilling way to spend your evening than with Lord Douchebag(he’s rich, so he should have a title…lol)
OMG…i loooove that site!!!…Lord Douchbag it is.. from here on out… i think we should give out more titles… xoxo
November 9, 2007 at 11:19 am
Kato
hahaha that’s amazing — every girl’s dream. in fact, I have full-blown fantasies of telling off douchebags like that almost all the time.
he didn’t take you to Smith Point, did he?
hehe you said smith point…hehe..i cant stop laughing at the “douche dance” that i saw there once..lol…oh god..i hope it gets to you tube one day …xoxo
November 9, 2007 at 7:15 pm
alex
The guacamole is definitely key to a sublime experience. Although, not to stir up controversy here, but Baja Fresh beats Chipotle hands down…
lol..i never pegged you as a troublemaker!!…but… maye a “taste off” is in order.. why does that look dirty in quotes???xoxo
November 11, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Kelly Mahoney
Who does this guy think he is? What an asshat. I didn’t even know mercedes came with phones … Why not just use the one you’re slamming down on the bar? Douche.
BTW, CSI reruns are available online at CBS. I only know because I don’t have a TV.
I had chipotle Friday and it so made me feel better. The guac is so worth extra/.
asshat was just the word i was looking for!!… oh good i can watch csi at “work” now!! and ….not much in life is “worth the extra” but damn if the guac at chipotle isnt one of em!!! …xoxo
November 11, 2007 at 9:18 pm
roganista
gotdang, girl. i love your use of irony. and your skill at detailing douchebaggery is quite simply, tops.
aww shucks..sugarpie….i kinda wish i had gotten some sort of super power….but i guess douchbaggery detailing skillz are good too!!..xoxo
November 18, 2007 at 1:00 pm
blueseaglass
mid-life crisis psycho douchebag.
I am thrilled to find your blog! I will be back often!