hi sugarbabies….
the green i know best ….cash…. and evidently…. i spent sooo much of it this past weekend….that my banker called today to make sure that all the transactions were “authorized“….seriously….my banker is cute as a button…a sexy, older, clooney-esque button…ive had a crush on him since the 90’s…. maybe that is what moved me to try to “explain” things as we went through the list of charges…
SAFEWAY ….at first i denied this one…ummm no i dont think thats me…where was it?? ….then i remembered picking up three boxes of diet mt dew and hitting the wine aisle in the burbs…..oh yeah yeah that one is ok
GALLERY PLACE (atm withdrawal)… yeah.. some walking around money..
LEE LOO LOUNGE: ummm yeah…i was trying to get them to name a new cocktail after me..i dont know…some brazilian fruit that i cant remember… haha…ok ill tell him to make it expensive…like me
ASIA 9: ummmm yeah…. they’re new…have you ever had sparkling saki??? or lychee martini shots?? no? umm yeah they were great..umm yeah they are kind of expensive….but i think there was sushi too and maybe tiramisu …i know that does sound like a nasty combination… seemed like a good idea at the time…
LEE LOO LOUNGE: ummm yeah after the lesbian club we went back there….no they comped us VIP style at the lesbian party… yeah… well…next time you come over ill take you…i know i know ….but no…it wasnt that kind of lesbian party….no it was more like a jerry springer episode…ok ok…next time you can be the judge….but reallly sugar…you should trust me on some of this stuff…
DUNKIN DONUTS: yeah that was prob me… (sour cream ..they are my fave… coffee sweet with lots of milk….in case anyone is taking notes)
GORDON BIERSCH: umm….yeah hangover pizza, love…
VALENTINO: yeah.. well i needed something to wear… yeah i know how much that is… youre absolutely right…i could have made the freaking dress out of money for less…. i know love… but…trust me… the way that dress hugs a curve is… priceless…
SUGAR DVD: ummm yeah thats ok too… a girl needs her PR0N….and … netflix is sooo *yawn* you know….vanilla…
FADO….umm yeah i know…frat boys but…its not LNS…and i had promised…. i couldnt get out of it…
IRISH CHANNEL… yeah that was me…i know i know….jeeezuz …youre not telling me anything i dont know…now youre my mom???
CLYDES: yeah ….well …. i was tired of irish people….. yes …. especially my family….
HAGEN DAZ …yeah… i didnt know they were open that late either!…girlfriend needed a dazzler…
TARGET…. yeah ..it just opened…it has this really cool “cart escalator” yeah it was already broken.. i cant wait til somebody leaves their kid in it… yeah well columbia heights is not MIT…
ITUNES…. yeah… the new erykah badu…. yeah it sounds like all her stuff…but…thats good cause i like her stuff… yeah..i accidentally bought it twice….what do you want from me???…i was dwinking…you can fix that?? sweet…thanks….
CVS: yeah… well.. pharmaceuticals love…
UNITED AIRLINES: yeah… thats mine…. yeah im stilllll on the road too much…im getting toooo old for it… no seriously..i am….whatever….
SAN JOSE HOTEL: yep… i know.. right??…boutique place that gets it … umm no im not gonna be in town for the NCAA tournament… yeah well dont tell …. course you can stay there…make yourself at home…but… i should warn you…. i think im out of toilet paper…you might want to go prepared…
you know its a good thing you arent a stalker…or psycho…you sure have a lot of information bout me there…really?? what does it say???…. no shit… cool….soo i could basically spend a few grand in vegas …and that wouldnt trigger anything??? thats funny…i hardly even go to vegas … soooo what DID trigger the system to red flag my account?? i mean …none of these charges seem out of the ordinary….
no problem take your time…
oh… YOU ARE $HITTING ME…. but… people do THAT alll the time… really?… youre kidding… sooooo youre saying i havent spent more than twenty five dollars in a grocery store on my debit card since 2003???– whats that like 4 or 5 years???? fuuuuuuck me…….
xoxo
19 comments
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March 18, 2008 at 12:08 am
Ulysses
Wearing cash, eh?
Would you lend me this one? And these others? I’m good for it.
And with these here, would you make change for me?
Hey, wow, a bunch of new 5’s, let me handle ‘em to see what the back side looks like?
you know i could never say no to YOU! but it tickles when you tug em..
xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 8:26 am
charlotte harris
Ih you’re so clever, love how you wrote this. I sometimes wonder when I’m out spendin’ money what would trigger the bank to call me… and I suppose it might happen if they noticed me go a day without swiping my card at starbucks or dunkin’ or some other coffee joint. They’d be obligated to call just to check in and make sure I’m alive.
the whole thing is ..wee bit big brother for me…xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 9:50 am
I-66
Oh Haagen-Dazs… I could so go for a dulce de leche shake.
the manger recomended we try the hot fudge sundae dazzler next time..xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 10:03 am
Jen
quote: I was dwinking!!!
Buhahahahahahahaw!!!!! Funny. My bank NEVER calls me. And my banker doesn’t look like George Clooney.
He looks like Doogie Howser.
*sigh*
Blonds DO have more fun.
hey doogie is hot!!!….xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 10:17 am
Arjewtino
The cart escalator is the only reason I go to Target. One day, I’ll take it for a ride.
take a cameraman…i see a jackass episode….xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 10:29 am
Uncle Keith
My banker looks like Sally Jessy Raphael. They are used to frequent and unexplainable money transfers from my accounts to various offshore interests and dubious Carribean banks.
and that…my dear… is prob why im sexually attracted to you… talk about “banking privacy“….turn me on…xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 11:33 am
ma
the Valentino? You’re holding out on me! And next time, I want to be a part of the adventures. Woot!
me? hold out??? no way…..xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm
kerrie
Thank you for the ice cream, Sweetpea.
de nada love…thats what friends are for! xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 2:28 pm
The Brooklyn Boy
wine and diet mountain dew … straight class, ha.
aww sugar…you know..thats how i roll… xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 4:57 pm
TC the Terrible
My banker is a laptop monitor. Honest. I haven’t been inside a real bank since back in 03. And that was just to get a handful of the free candy at the information desk.
my banker looks like clooney…. hes pushing me out of his office twice a week… so to speak…i bet if yours had big boobs youd be in there grabbng more than free candy!!
xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 8:38 pm
pqresident
the Brazilian fruit is a berry the acai berry.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acai
ahhhh..thank you love…. xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 9:16 pm
inmate1972
Wow, with that type of confession, I hope he was at least sporting a priest collar. I had the dirtiest little crush on my priest in jr. high…sigh…memories…
well thats a fantasy i should revisit soon!!!….didnt we allllll have a lil crush on the priest????? xoxo
March 18, 2008 at 10:54 pm
ALEX
Wow, this likely explains the momentary surge in the stock market defying our otherwise headlong plunge into recession…
And Asia 9.. discovered it by accident Sat. night after E St Cinema… I think it had been open less than a week. Food seemed kind of bland, but for some reason perfect for what I wanted right then…
March 19, 2008 at 10:59 am
Hammer
Paying for thrills means credit card bills,
And maybe a call from the bankers.
We approve of food, drinks and dressess (and movies of naked excesses)
But isn’t Fado full of wankers?
Still we suppose it’s okay on Saint Patty’s Day,
To drink a pint where you can find one.
We kid ‘cuz we love, and pray to heaven above,
That your hangover at least was a kind one.
March 19, 2008 at 11:47 am
rothko
Man. Why’s everybody got to hate on Fado? I don’t care if it is populated with frat boys, I still like it. But the Four P’s (now called “The Four Fields,” evidently) in Cleveland park is my favorite Irish Pub in DC.
March 19, 2008 at 3:31 pm
eleanorstrousers
I’m with rothko on the Four P’s. Especially the strange fried balls of corned beef and mashed potatoes appetizer. After several pints it’s a miraculous thing.
Which reminds me I need to start making my where to drink list… I’ll be in our Nation’s Capital for four days working next month and there are a few too many old haunts I need to hit up on the expense account….
March 20, 2008 at 12:14 am
Ulysses
Okay, so was that you? If it was. those shoes were about the only thing worth seeing at the show tonight.
If not, unfortunately, they still were…
March 21, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Beaverboosh
My wanker never takes the time to call unless transactions are posted from the Emperor’s Club. Unfortunately they charge by the hour and I am usually twiddling my thumbs after 10 minutes. I have never met my wanker but he sounds like Charlie, of the angel variety.
April 19, 2008 at 10:09 am
ma
You’ve got to keep on with the comebacks. You’re the only one I know who can think of them on time.