sugarbabies…the call went like this:
hello???
…oh hey…yeah im sorry for not calling you back the last few days…
ok ok…yeah its been a few weeks..
me? ..oh im doing ok …well…not really….
let me just put it to you this way…
im at the office and im wearing sneakers…
umm..no not the cute Chanel golf shoes…the ones i wear for taking out the trash..
yeah no shit…
rock fucking bottom…
yeah..that would be bottom bitch to you lovah….
yeah right…a few gay men here nearly collapsed
something about hell freezing over and a tear in the space time continuum ….
the straight guy noticed that i’m short…and asked if somebody crossed the streams…
ha fucking ha…
oh it gets better…
yeah waaaay better….
how long have we known each other??
that long…sooo…
you know how i take out any stress on my….wait for it…. sugarbabies…wait for it….
HAIR.
soooo…yeah… if you ever grab a six dollar bottle of hair dye from the Triple B and think…umm whats the worst thing that could happen??? my hair will be a different shade of blond…
yeah… welll…. thats not exactly true…
umm..yeah it could turn several other shades of blond..including orangey red and ummm some grayish purpley shades in some splotches…
i know…i know…. but it costs 4 bennies every freaking time…
right..umm …good point..now it will be $406.00
i know i know….but…INSTANT gratification……they were closed …right??? hair salons should fucking be like waffle houses… yeah 24 fuck!ng 7 …. otherwise $hit like this happens…. of course i called him!……uhhh yeah….i have his cell….
fuck that…hes not a boy…hes a HairDresser…
hes my therapist for christ sake…
HELLO!!…. do you know how often i color my hair???? i see him more often than the dry cleaner….
yeah hes gonna meet me at my place…. but he lives all the way in mclean….and he is booked all day..so it will take a while
yeah…its that bad
housecall bad…
its like ive falllen into the abysss….
right??
sneakers…bad hair day… Sex on Wheels is in the shop….
oh but…let me tell you something…….
the good part about driving the loaner..
if somebody is checking you out at a light or something…..its SUCH an ego boost….
yeah …
no its totalllly different….
if youre in SOW you never KNOW if they checking out you….or the car…..
yeah and if the top is not down ..you know..folks have to REALLLY be interested to notice that my hair color is whacked off the chain..
i know, i know…im gonna start cruising in ghetto sleds…just for my ego….
i dunno whats your weekend look like??
im supposed to go to a party up in adams morgan…but… i dunno… ill prob duck out early…
yeah i know….NO…cause i think it sounds kinda nasty…like a stripper move…
….hitting bottom…
sounds like EVERY weekend
oh wait… that is slapping a$$ …whatever…yeah…im feeling a lot better…
yeah ..im gonna go put on some real shoes…
yeah there is a pair of pointy ass michael kors stilettos in the supply closet….the black ones with two ankle straps….they look like a dominatrix would wear em…
i know…i LOVE that in a shoe…
yeah..but im gonna look sooopa slutty cause….
i’m in khaki shorts and my johnny cash t-shirt.
i know..if i didnt know you better …id think this was one of those
“heavy breathing..what are you wearing phone calls”…
is it narcissistic of me to think everyone is looking at my hair??
i mean….youd be pressed to find a bigger attention whore than me…but still.
yeah your right…ok well … maybe no one will notice…
umm….i take that back…a guy in the office across the hall just drew a life size picture of me with sharpies..with purple and orange hair…and printed TRAGIC in this realllly expensive font i just bought across the top… and..umm..i gotta go..he is heading down the hall..to post it in the break room….yeah.
thanks
ok ..
talk to you later……
bye…
xoxo
17 comments
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June 30, 2008 at 9:32 am
Lemmonex
“is it narcissistic of me to think everyone is looking at my hair??”
Oh, sweetpea, I think the same thing all the time. I guess we are both narcissists then.
And I feel your pain on the dye job gone awry…I tried to go blond in high school. Me. BLOND. Such a terribly awful move. I looked like a Rainbow Bright doll. Oh, my poor hair. I shall forever remain a brunette, as it was meant to be.
no i cant imagine you blond.!!!. but i think we look cutest together as a blond and brunette… like a little vidal sassoon commercial… yin and yang…xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 9:34 am
I-66
You lost me at bottom.
sugar..i never expected you to get past the title..xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 10:23 am
TC the Terrible
I like Johnny Cash t-shirts.
is that the southern equivalent..of.. i like rice..xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 10:26 am
skip
it will pass.
In other, happier news, I’ve got a fresh batch of vodka rarin’ to go, if you’re game.
lol where you alll weekend??? xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 11:33 am
freckledk
I’m loaning you some of that shampoo.
If anyone can pull off patchwork hair, it’s you.
no worries..he loves when i need a housecall.. cause he pockets ca$h money..AND i buy him dinner… he wouldnt let a cash cow like me get away… he showed up with some potions and voila..all better-ish ..depending on the light..lol..xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 11:49 am
Food Rockz Man
Look at the bright side . . . you’re hotter at rock bottom than most of us are at the top of our game . . . and, come on, you know it. Yep, I’m certain you’re as hot on bottom as on top. You’re just all-around hot. Give me a call, we can try it both ways, and I’ll give you my honest, completely objective opinion.
dont tempt me food boy… unless you can back it up…xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 11:57 am
rothko
If you really want to hit bottom I can loan you my crocs.
ok thanks…cause…yeah…THAT would be worse!! xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 12:12 pm
UK
I thought you waxed…oh you aren’t talking about that hair.
That is EXACTLY why i *heart* you…xoxo
June 30, 2008 at 1:23 pm
restaurantrefugee
I have another bottle of champagne that says pop cork in case of emergency if you need it.
June 30, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Phil
UK, you kind of beat me to the punch, because what I always do when I accidentally mess up my hair is I do something even crazier to my pubes…that way, everyone’s attention is on my pubes, and not my hair.
June 30, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Drunken Chud
ha! that’s awesome. i mean, so horrible. heh. i’m actually chuckling to myself trying to use the image i have conjured up of you, and now crossing that image with the cat picture you posted and then putting you in some old school LA Gear high tops with khaki shorts and a johnny cash shirt. and i can’t stop smiling.
June 30, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Former Alpha
Wait…smokin hot women have hair. When did that happen and why wasn’t I notified?
June 30, 2008 at 6:07 pm
rabbit
I once tried to dye my hair blonde back in college. Apparently when you use blonde hair dye on jet black hair, it turns bright red. Huh. Learned something new.
July 1, 2008 at 11:59 am
Hammer
They say comedies end in a marriage,
And tragedies begin with bad hair,
Sorry for your bottle of troubles, darlin’,
At least you didn’t accidentally use Nair!
But now you can laugh about it,
And admit that the debacle was funny.
Let’s raise a glass the housecalling hairdresser,
And hope he’s better than Bugs Bunny!
July 3, 2008 at 11:44 am
cuff
I used to dye my hair back when I had it. Manic Panic. Ah the good old days.
July 3, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Jen
You could be on a road trip for eight days with your mother and two children. That’s not a bad hair day.
That’s fucking painful.
LOL.
Yeah, Idaho and Montana with a cranky passive aggressive old lady and two loud obnoxious okiee kids.
Wouldn’t you rather have your purple and orange hair?
July 4, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Ulysses
Yeah, so, if you should happen to notice me noticing?
It’s not ever the car.
It might be the hair though — want to borrow a cap?