sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…

Now where to begin??????

maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:

“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and  quietly judging me”

or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…

“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”

seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money???  have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….

he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)

so theres that…

you say bitch...like its a bad thing...

or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace…

(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)

i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….

i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….

i am verrrrry smoooooth….

xoxo