first..your boyfriend doesn’t think i’m a bitch… you do… its not the same… but don’t worry… i TOLD him i’m a bitch… he took it as a challenge… your boyfriend is a little bit competitive and likes a bit of a challenge… and i’ve got that over you… cause he already KNOWS he can have you … and hes bored with your tory burch ballerina flats…and diaper bag of a purse… sorry love… milquetoast isn’t sexy…and adding a bit of spice doesn’t make me a bitch..it makes me smart…
also…
…your boyfriend doesn’t like drama… he doesn’t want to fight… he does like sex… he likes angry sex and make up sex and morning sex and two am after the club sex and lets watch a movie in bed sex and before sunday brunch sex and during sunday brunch sex and i had a long day at work sex and gee your hair smells terrific sex and mmmm you look good in that dress take it off sex…
i’m not saying its just sex… but there is a lot to be said for keeping things…sexy…
via: mmrpg.net
because
i may be a spoiled…slightly ocd…passive aggressive bitch with daddy issues who drives too fast…cant park for shit…drinks too often…swears too much… carries around a ridiculously tiny dog (also a certified bitch)…eats carbs …stays out late on school nights…pouts…cant keep her fridge stocked with more than mixers… shameless flirt… in slutty shoes…but….
at my core…
i’m a really positive person….and
in a town full of spin doctors… trained to find and concentrate on the negative …that’s sexy…or at least your boyfriend thought it was 
…
xoxo
19 comments
May 10, 2011 at 12:23 pm
NovaBurbsMan
Damn. Somebody’s been having her share of fun lately. Hasn’t she? ;-]
May 10, 2011 at 12:28 pm
suicide_blond
we only go around this merry-go-round one time love…if youre not having fun…youre doing it wrong…
xoxo
May 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm
freckledk
Jesus. This is not the same Blond I chatted with two hours ago. Why were we wasting time talking about seat belts and no-bark devices? Seems there was something juicier on the table.
Oh well, I’ll get you drunk on mimosas on Sunday a.m. and try to pry out the backstory.
May 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm
suicide_blond
i may be a bitch…but im a discreet bitch…xoxo
May 10, 2011 at 1:49 pm
magnolia
this is one HELL of a manifesto. love it.
May 10, 2011 at 2:17 pm
suicide_blond
With the emphasis on MAN ….
xoxo
May 10, 2011 at 2:07 pm
J
Love it all, of course, but the nod to Alice was my favorite!
May 10, 2011 at 2:16 pm
suicide_blond
men are suckers for a cute bitch… xoxo
May 10, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Jen
Let’s face it. Married women figure this out. If I man wanted a simpering, whatever you say honey woman, Nevada’s biggest money maker wouldn’t be doing booming business.
Fuck yeah! You say “bitch” like it’s a bad thing. LOL!
Now, of course, to maintain “sexy”, the bitch has to have balance. I think I do that. All I have to do is figure out how to add an element of danger to the mix and then he’ll be on his knees…busy on his knees…..and I don’t mean mopping the fucking floor.
Great post.
May 10, 2011 at 6:34 pm
suicide_blond
“balancing your inner Bitch” sounds like a class … That you should teach! Xoxo
May 11, 2011 at 11:39 am
eleanorstrousers
Bitchy. Sexy. SexyBitch. I’ve gotta merge the two!
May 11, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Sandra
Fabulous piece of writing!
May 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm
Robyn
Sorry I’m late to the party. I LOVE how you think and I totally agree with you on all points. It’s not your fault he’s into you.
May 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Misnomer
I like you. You’re like my twin or something. Or rather, the dark side of myself I usually keep suppressed. I plan on letting out my inner suicide blonde this summer though. Can’t let you have all the fun, now can i?
May 17, 2011 at 5:05 am
suicide_blond
i like you too.. come back and play..;-) xoxo
May 21, 2011 at 11:09 pm
zeus
At least your honest about who you are and what your faults are. Now really, who are you?
May 22, 2011 at 9:42 am
suicide_blond
nobody is more acutely aware of my faults than me… and your mom
…xoxo
May 22, 2011 at 9:48 am
Zeus
That’s a good one. So how did you meet my mom? And if you are angry and need to talk I’m here.
May 24, 2011 at 8:11 pm
City Girl
Magnolia is right that this is a great manifesto, and I love how you emphasized the “man.” A friend’s father told me that in college, he and his guy friends used to ask the sorority girls who the biggest bitches on campus were. Then, the guys invited the bitchy girls to parties or asked them out on dates.