looking for love in all the wrong places

…sugarbabies…

my date had a last min emergency as is wont to happen to dr’s (even doggie ones)… i must admit to pouting a bit.. mostly ’cause i had turned down another invite to join a pilgrimage out to VA to visit the holy grail that is … IHOP…

i shook it off and headed to the gallery solo… world aids day…soo…yeah the crowd was fabulously loaded with pretty boys and the women who love them…. i was chatting away when suddenly a hand slipped round my waist… in a very “un-gay”  way… and a vodka tonic appeared in before my eyes… my eyes slid up… and up… and up…6′4″ to shiny eyes and bad boy hair

“I knew youd be here” he said as i accepted the glass…

“oh im predictable am i? “

“THAT is not what i said”….he protested as he leaned down…

he kissed both cheeks and i introduced him to my friend…as “eye candy”… they chatted easily for just long enough to avoid being rude… one of the BEST things about gay friends..is that they can detect sexual chemistry from three blocks away….. and they are not wont to cockblock…he excused himself with an admiring up/down glance at the backside of eye candys brooks brothers suit… and an approving nod to me…

“its nice to see you” he said….obviously proud of the fact that he had predicted my whereabouts on this night…

he guided me round the gallery with his hand alternating between the back of my neck and  the small of my back… he chuckled when gay men continuously stopped us to comment on my Chanel spectators….

him: some things never change…you ALWAYS have the best shoes in the room ….

me : its been a long time

him: thats why im here

me: where have you been?

him: mostly new dehli but im moving back after the holidays

me: wanna get out of here?

him: i thought you might make me beg you

me: the night isnt over

he disappeared with the coat check tickets and as sooon as he was gone  friends descended from all directions… with lots of  omg’s and wtf?? and a few…”i wouldnt kick that tall drink of water outta bed”s…

i dont know…i dont know….i dont know what hes doing here… and i havent seen him in a verrry long time i replied with my hands in front of me slightly less than shoulder width apart… which is our “signal” for im not gonna need any of y’all fairies to walk me home and then he was back holding my coat so i could slip into it… we stepped out into the night…

me: where are you staying?

him: the willard

me: a suite?

him: the one you like

fucking christ i AM predictable i thought….

i told him there was someone new in my life… he said he wasnt surprised…

but he was… cause he laughed pretty hard when he found out the new someone was about three lbs of terrier…

he put his hand on the back of my neck… and guided me into a restaurant that we hadnt been to in a long time… the bartender recognized us instantly… and came round with hugs and how have you beens? slipping back into him and our old ways was proving very easy and nice… very nice…

he confirmed what i wanted… and ordered for me.. *sigh* why do sooo many men not know how to do this properly????

i couldnt eat… (crazzzzzy!!) my stomach was in knots… i sipped the vodka tonic… and pushed some food around the plate… he looked happy… and sad at the same time… and … i asked if he wanted to meet alice…

he gave the cabbie the address & directions to my place… from memory…

outside the house he didnt assume he was invited in…

i  offered to get alices leash and walk him to his hotel… i was feeling pretty darned proud of myself for not just bringing him inside ….pushing him into the sofa and making him beg…

we walked slowly and he said… he liked that about me… but i was willing to bet hard cash that wasnt the reason he was there…. the temps had dropped significantly and it was really cold by the time we got to the hotel… ever the gentleman he invited us in to “warm up” … thats when his blackberry started ringing… alice and i stepped into the lobby and found a good people watching  spot on a silk sofa… some little girls came over and asked to pet her… i smiled…picked alice up and let them take turns getting a good finger licking from the pup until there mom insisted they go… soon enough he came around the corner apologizing… i nodded … its ok…

i stood up next to him…

he looked me straight in the eyes and said… kinda bashfully…

im not sure what to do right now… where to take this…

and i looked right back at him and kissed him… and then kissed him again…and  maybe a third time and maybe  i bit his lip a tiny bit as i pulled away and said…

why dont we just leave it at that …

he hung his head a little smiled and nodded …saying…youre sooo great…

yeah i know…i replied rolling my eyes

truthfully…. one of the verrrrry first things  i noticed when i saw him was that the ring was gone…but i couldnt say if it was in his pocket or not…and we both avoided the question…which im guessing pretty much answers the question….

i scooped up alice …turned round on the heel of those pretty chanel shoes… crossed  the lobby of the willard and walked out….

xoxo

oh yeah…*guys take note* windows are like mirrors at night… he stood there and watched me walk away…i didnt turn around ….not even when i got to the revolving door…

…fuck me….or not as the case may be…

mOBSCENE …the invitation…

….suagarbabies….

what is it that they say??…

for every action…there is an equal (or possibly greater) Re Action…

well  the Re Action…makes for a good story… or bad…depending on how strongly rooted you are in traditional judeo christian mores….but dont get me distracted…

…The invitation…

arrived by courier…

not dhl/or falcon…umm no…. a young kid in a dark navy suit and bangs that hung across one eye….(not as cool as an eye patch…but cool enough)

AND instead of signing for it… he requested that i kiss an ivory card … as he handed me a new tube of Chanel~ No. 95 Red Dream… he blushed while he asked…i just laughed…licked my lips, applied the lipstick…and left a red gash on the paper for him… then i flipped the lipstick upside down like a pen to put my “trademark” xoxo underneath…

the invitation itself…was antique letterpress… on paper that was thicker than the walls in most DC apartments… ivory with a slight metallic sheen to it…

baroque scrolls &  black scriptina letters announcing the date and time that a car would pick me up…

—- truthfully it wasnt my style— i like a little hipster twist with my old school traditional invites…im more helvetica than scriptina… but… i was still amused enough by the couriers deep blush not to care…

the invitation …. was unsigned… anonymous…hmmmmm ok …slightly creepy but ok….maybe …intriguing is a more positive way to see it…

and when i tossed the envelope on the coffee table…i noticed something still hiding inside…

i picked it up and out slid a  gift card… Neimans… more than twice my mortgage payment…dont get too excited i bought BEFORE the bubble.

hmmmm… well that does narrow the field a bit…

a party…how fun…

not really…. truth be told… i havent liked parties since my fourth grade BFF caught her dress on fire at her Bday…AND…ever since its been its pretty hard to get me to agree to attend one… in fact its hard to get me to commit to just about ANYTHING…of course… i almost always have fun once i get there…but i tend to dread it right up until i walk in….

i poured myself a vodka tonic…and sat down to study the invite…

it was expensive… it was custom… and it required an rsvp….

the courier would be back in three days…(same bat place/same bat time) for my

repondez s’il vous plait….

then …. i turned the large-ish card over in my hand…and…

a sly…possibly wicked… grin spread across my face…. i couldnt help it…

there in the bottom corner…. was the symbol….a subtle little icon….i turned it back over in my hand held it up to the light…yep…there it was…the watermark was the same symbol…. i sighed with relief…and maybe a little bit of disbelief … it wasnt  a stuffy affair after all…and it definitely had not come from the person who initially came to mind….nope…

all of the sudden…this had….whats the word???…. possibilities…

real possibilities….

i had heard of this party…and i knew the invites were pretty exclusive…

and i was fleetingly glad to have had the food poisoning diet thing last week…

it was gonna be….

ummm…how to put this???

provocative…

awesome.…dont worry sugarbabies… the irony of a bad porn plot for a life..is not lost on me…

i practically danced over to my new giuseppe zanottis….and… kissed them….

ive been toooo good of late…..(Action meet ReAction)

and an engraved invitation to be bad… had just arrived…via courier no less… how fucking timely…and FUN… wow ….

and just like that..i realized how bored (and boring??) ive been the last few months…

xoxo

“you came to see the MobScene… i know it isnt your Scene… its better than a Sex Scene…and its so fucking ObScene…ObScene…yeah”….  MM

….to be continued….

when a sex kitten shops for lingerie…

sugarbabies…

evidently after a vodka tonic…a perfect sidecar…and a few stoli doli’s at the capital grille…i can be talked into almost anything…and thats how i ended up at a lingerie show…made exxxtra  classy by the fact that not just the models but also the FOOD were supplied by the infamous -read: topless- …crystal city diner…

we arrived fashionably late…and i was soon whisked into the makeup tent… so that a solid B lister of an infamous DC  drag queen could glam up my make up… sorry kids…i know  i know…but i showed up with a (gasp) bare face… and well im all about keeping it sexy….so…. 10 min later i have what the drag queen is calling a “smokey eye” and what i refer to as tammy faye gone streetwalker… but… whatever… everybody looks pretty under hot pink lights…um ok…almost everybody…

smile sugarbabies

after fingering a bit of burlesque-y beaded bits from this boutique

and confirming that a certain vintage chanel ring i have can indeed be repaired with a cute georgetown jeweler….

i headed home… i was double dating (going out more more than once a night) … i finally rolled home and crashed around 3am…

at 7 am..

there was an unfamiliar nuzzle on the back of my neck…

umm.. oh hai! iz forgot youze here…

the older gentleman next to me was asking for a morning romp…. i found the leash …threw my fur coat over my sweats … & we headed out… for a quick jaunt to the nearest flower box for some business… i figured folks were looking at how his fur kinda matched my fur…. and noting that his “pimp walk”  (read: hip dysplasia ) was tight and thinking to myself….

yeah bitchez we coordinate…. and …wow my head hurts bad…

yeah… ummm it didnt even occur to me…

that last nights “smokey eye” had slid about an inch to the left and a half inch down…

the only thing i can say…is …umm…if you noticed a homeless looking cruellla deville walking the streets of dc bleary eyed with a gimpy older pup on sunday morn ….ummm my bad… im sorry sugarbabies….but being a sex kitten…. well…it  is not ALL bon bons and bacon…

xoxo

this is what a sex kitten umm i mean feminist looks like @ 630am

sugarbabies….

you know what vexes me about the anti abortion movement???

they swell their numbers with children…they bus in thousands middle school and high schoolers… like it is a sort of macabre field trip…and use them to inflate their numbers…what are the kids supposed to do???…it is their chance to “come to Wash DC”…  to me …it is a bit like enlisting child soldiers…using brainwashed emotionally vulnerable children to fight your battles doesnt seem right… yeah ummmm its a complex issue busing in your babies seems ummmm…. not ok…

and on a side note…gathering under my window to shout orders to your child soldiers at 630 am…also not ok…for some reason….of alll the protests that go on here….they are the only ones that consistently get this bit wrong…

sooooo ummmm sugarbabies if you happened to notice a sleepy eyed scantily dressed sex kitten on the stoop this morning…pointing out to the leaders of this particular crowd…that if they moved two feet to the left they would be shouting in front of an empty lot and NOT my bedroom window……yeah….ummm maybe i should have put on a robe or a snuggie or something…but… umm whatever…. my way worked….i mean…you shoulda seen em…. i had their FULL attention…

maybe i should have shouted something more poignant….than “get off my lawn”

xoxo

essential sex kitten…2.0

sugarbabies…

if..

• you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies”  because maybe…
• you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
• you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
• cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
• sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …

and here is the lesson kids….

grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…

xoxo

knights move thinking

…great…

of course….asking the printer to actuallly work would be wayyyy tooo much… fuck christmas cards…

i need to eat something….what time is it??

3:00…..christ… ive only eaten some grated cheddar…no wonder i have this fucking throbbing headache….

ipod: My Life with The Thrill Kill Kult: ….as soon as i can im getting out of here….

yeah i need to get outta here…where are my shoes???…no…. not those….no i think i want the tall boots…the pointy dior ones with five inch stiletto heels…i havent worn those in a while….christ… this closet is cluttered….

do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning

here they are… god damn they hurt my feet… perfect…last time my toe nails scrunched up against my toes and when i took these fuckers off my feet were a bloody mess….

glamour is a rocky road….

perfect…. thats exactly what i want… fuck fuck fuck….

Skin flicks… lipstick…  baby scribbles in the mirror…

i need the “narrow at the ankle” skinny jeans…good thing i did laundry…

and the thigh high “socks” OVER the jeans…yep…

damn these boots are hot  ….i should wear them more often…but fuck me

drama overdoses….

yeah …they still reallllly hurt my feet…

i dont care…. i wanna wear em anyway…im looking forward to the hurt..

it feels kinda good…

no good isnt the word….what is it??? they feelll ____???? welll…. i feel…..

i FEEL a LOT….. these days…its too much…. id rather just feel my feet….even if its cause they hurt..

chickie babys gone off the deep end

pain….plain ole predictable foot pain…  that im in CONTROL of….

is almost…whats the word??????…. comforting…

and then he hit me …and it felt like a kiss…

no not comforting….but well…it beats….{ha a pun…i rock}……yeah it beats the shit out of any inner turmoil crap….

god damn…..ive had an emotionally exhausting few days….

i just wanna turn it all offf!! offf…offff….offf

change get back to the beginning…

i do not have time to psycho analyze my relationship with a pair of designer dominatrix boots…..

i wanna get outta here…now…

change… go back to the beginning…

emotional honesty as  bravery…. or vanity…..seriously??? for fucks sake im shaking …

i want out of here….

thoughtless words are like shadows…

where the fuck is my overnight bag???

where is my phone???

hey beeotch…no not too good… i could prob use that…can you bring some valium?… feel like fish???

ok… see you in an hour …ish… bye.

god dammit im outta soda pop…

i’ll go to burger king on my way out…but christ i want to get out of here…now…now…

from a world where words… are like graven images

zip these fucking boots up…

yeah im feeling  a little bad ass….ill wear the red leather jacket….looks cute with my t-shirt….

bag? check.

lip gloss? check.

credit cards? check.

cell phone? check.

turn off the heat.. Check.

damn… the flowers… they need to go to the trash… fuck.. i dont want to take the time… i want to leave NOW… fuck ‘em and fuck him tooo…

we talk …we twist …we turn …we blow our circuits….

ok im out…

—- whats that guy doing?? — Christ on a Stick… hes peeing on my building….great…just ignore him walk away…walk away..

no he didnt just call me sweetness….

fuck hes gonna pee on me! ….

” yeah i see your junk… put it away… NOW”

it could’ve been you..it could’ve been me…

@ burger king walk up window: “can i get a large diet soda?”

FUCK-ing-A…. he did NOT follow me here with his shit…still out…. christ….i *heart* dc i *heart* dc

“Hell no… im not buying you shit! put your junk away before i call the cops…im not fucking kidding!! you just tried to piss on me!  fucking cocksucker if you dont put it away ill get that cop!

butterscotch!!! you fucker ….walk to the garage dont run..walk… walk…dont run …walk …dont run…

buses… roadies…  a concert is loading in… i dont care i want out of here….i want out before the crowd shows up….

where did i park?? oh… hi baby… unlock…slide down behind the wheel… push the ipod into the holster…

change… get back to the beginning…in the hour of zero
fuck my head is throbbing… turn the music up louder… louder…louder…ah….

born into a life where pain is your very best friend…

fuck… missed the light…there  is L-bomb’s place WTF is up with him???… he left his business card on my windshield last week…WTF  do i do with that??? …fucking great…green light green light green light..i want to go…i want out of here…

one life…one fire… get back to the beginning…

unmarked car rolling up behind me… fucking helll…. whew…its just “columbian hottys” husband…. he prob wants to know if im gonna mention seeing him {redacted} his secret is safe with me…. thats between them…. nod back to him…nod… asshole….

this town is toooo fucking small….

its the way of the wicked…

green light green light green light… peel out…if unmarked wants to stop me… he’ll have to catch me… i wanna be doing 90… i wanna be going fast….i wanna be over that bridge…

theres no time for love….

im not one of the brave ones… and im not sure if im vain….maybe i am… but now…right now…. all i want is to run… all i can think about is running… im running… again… but dammmmnit… i have no idea where im going…

theres no time for love… where the wild ones live..

xoxo

****editors note****

i felt much better after two drinks a valium and some grilled tilapia in lemon butter sauce… and no worries…i just cuss  a heck of a lot more in my head…than when i talk..

xoxo

i party so you dont have to…

dear sugarbabies…..

the top 10 quotes from the weekend:

10:  “lets totalllly do something cheap tonight”  followed a few hours later later with: “ummm we are gonna need ANOTHER bottle of Dom P. please”

9 i just rocked the red roof inn… where is the limo?

8 we have commandeered a prom vehicle!

7  me:  “put the bottle of vodka in your purse” ….

freckles:  “ok but its uuugh PEACH”

6) me: we went shoe shopping @ Neiman Marcus…thats more intimate than sex….

rothko: ummm dont worry he prob still thinks the sex is more intimate

5) Butterscotch is my safe word

4) there is my favorite blond one! …(flattery and vodka tonics will get you everywhere)

3) we have rented a mansion on 16th st and we are planning a “rager” wanna come??? (OMG!! LNS has moved into my building!! )

2) i cant plan until i find a pair of sequined booty shorts

and drumrollllllll plllleeeaaaasssseee….. the NO. 1 Quote of the weekend comes from our friend freckles:

1)  tell the driver to pull right up to the door….i want to show my Brittney

sugarbabies i party so you dont have to…

xoxo