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sugarbabies…
for a long time the door at my country place was painted Hot Pink…
i did it myself… on a hot summer day in just a hanes wife beater t shirt … and panties (one of the perks of country life…you dont HAVE to wear pants…)
and it was puuurfect… everyone always commented how “ME” it was…I took it as a compliment… even on the occasions when i knew it was a backhanded one at best…
because
and this is important kids…
i didnt care… what anyone else thought of it…. i loved it… i grinned every time i saw it come into view…and if you had asked me to name my favorite thing about that house that summer i would not have paused for a moment…before laughing and saying …the hot pink pu$$y cat entrance….
eventually …. one of the handymen inadvertently painted the door gray…for reals…he painted my HOT PINK front door industrial gray….that was a colossal communication cluster …but whatever -thats another story
the point is…
i loved my hot pink door…
i came by it naturally… or at least i felt like i did…when i was young my Granny lived in pink house… a crazily IMPRACTICAL…Victorian house on the Ocean… that was pink… i remember her coming home from a HOA meeting beaming proud of herself…for fooling the HOA into thinking her teensy pink paint chip was actually called “dusty taupe” …we danced on the porches while the house was painted… we loved it… with formal gardens everywhere… (in pots, of course, you do KNOW how hard it is to grow vintage roses in sand!!!) and well… Grandaddy… he just shook his head… and said…
whatever makes my girls happy…
and he meant it… of course… he took quite a ribbing at the clubhouse and the golf course… but he didnt care… he would just shrug his shoulders and say ….as long as his his girls were happy and that he knew if there was ever an emergency…the fire dept KNEW where the PINK house was in the sea of beigey beigey coastal architectural …
he didnt care either… and lately it may or may not have been pointed out to me by a good friend that maybe i have….
under (what i like to think was) the guise of graciousness…
cared a bit tooo much about what some people think…
i have made excuses for people when they hurt my feelings
when they hurt my friends
when they were rude
i accepted half hearted apologies that i shouldnt have….
and well…
if 2009 has been about anything sugarbabies…its been about CHANGE and that means me too…i think i should paint more stuff pink…
im gonna try much harder to pay much more attention to the people in my life who deserve it…and god knows they have been patient with me… and much less attention to those that dont…
because i realize that sooo many folks in my life have let me paint their proverbial houses pink….
they have taken risks with me…
they have held their collective breathe for me…
they have wondered what the heck is she doing?
and why on earth is she doing it?
they have shaken their heads at me…. and they have said
“whatever makes you happy”
and they have meant it…
and to all of them i am sooo thankful…
and to the others…
i’m afraid i just dont have the time anymore…
youre on your own…
its kinda like my great aunt fern always said...
sugar…youre gonna reap what you sow…
and there is no way that your sour grapes are my fault…
or my problem any more….
xoxo
oh sugarbabies… a weekend is a terrrible thing to waste! whats that?? you dont have dinner plans?? no worries sugar…just follow these quick easy steps :
- get your hair done
- drop the top
- (this one is important) …get lost in great falls ( where the median home value 1.5million)
- agree to buy lunch in exchange for directions back to DC
- forget your wallet (doh!)
- agree to make it up to him and buy DINNER …IF he ever gets lost in your neck of the woods
- wait 24 hours for him to call saying he’s “lost” at the capital grille @ 6th and Pennsylvania
- agree to rescue him (and thank heavens you know a few of the staff so its not toooo weird that he somehow found your number -and trust me it aint easy-)
- pull a particularly sweet pair of pradas out of their box
- … let nature take its course….
xoxo
sugarbabies…
evidently after a vodka tonic…a perfect sidecar…and a few stoli doli’s at the capital grille…i can be talked into almost anything…and thats how i ended up at a lingerie show…made exxxtra classy by the fact that not just the models but also the FOOD were supplied by the infamous -read: topless- …crystal city diner…
we arrived fashionably late…and i was soon whisked into the makeup tent… so that a solid B lister of an infamous DC drag queen could glam up my make up… sorry kids…i know i know…but i showed up with a (gasp) bare face… and well im all about keeping it sexy….so…. 10 min later i have what the drag queen is calling a “smokey eye” and what i refer to as tammy faye gone streetwalker… but… whatever… everybody looks pretty under hot pink lights…um ok…almost everybody…
smile sugarbabies
after fingering a bit of burlesque-y beaded bits from this boutique
and confirming that a certain vintage chanel ring i have can indeed be repaired with a cute georgetown jeweler….
i headed home… i was double dating (going out more more than once a night) … i finally rolled home and crashed around 3am…
at 7 am..
there was an unfamiliar nuzzle on the back of my neck…
umm.. oh hai! iz forgot youze here…
the older gentleman next to me was asking for a morning romp…. i found the leash …threw my fur coat over my sweats … & we headed out… for a quick jaunt to the nearest flower box for some business… i figured folks were looking at how his fur kinda matched my fur…. and noting that his “pimp walk” (read: hip dysplasia ) was tight and thinking to myself….
yeah bitchez we coordinate…. and …wow my head hurts bad…
yeah… ummm it didnt even occur to me…
that last nights “smokey eye” had slid about an inch to the left and a half inch down…
the only thing i can say…is …umm…if you noticed a homeless looking cruellla deville walking the streets of dc bleary eyed with a gimpy older pup on sunday morn ….ummm my bad… im sorry sugarbabies….but being a sex kitten…. well…it is not ALL bon bons and bacon…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
im not usually a “joiner” but.. who could say no to the
4th annual silent poetry reading its …umm…TODAY!
be sure to pop around the blogosphere and see who else is posting poetry today…Start here or here trust me sugarbabies… poetry is sexy… and according to
Punxatawney Phil we are gonna be cooped up for a few more weeks…soo..
today is a good day to give it a go…..
Her Kind
I have gone out, a possessed witch
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.
I have found the warm caves in the woods,
filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,
closets, silks, innumerable goods;
fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:
whining, rearranging the disalign.
A woman like that is misunderstood.
I have been her kind.
I have ridden in your cart, driver,
waved my nude arms at villages going by,
learning the last bright routes, survivor
where your flames still bite my thigh
and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.
A woman like that is not ashamed to die.
I have been her kind.
-Anne Sexton
AND just one more… cause i know you dont reallly wannna get back to work just yet…
Desire
in my dreams
I hold my lovers
next to me all at once
and ask them
what was it I desired?
my hands are full
of their heads
like bunches of cut roses
blond hair, brown hair, red, black,
their eyes are pools of bewilderment
staring up at me
from the bouquet
what was it I desired?
I ask again
was it your bodies?
did I hope by draping
your flesh over me
I could escape
boredom
loneliness
gray hairs shooting
towards me
from the future
like thin arrows?
did I think I could escape,
by taking your breath
into my mouth,
did I think I could escape
the responsibility
of breathing?
what did I desire in you?
sex
knowledge?
power?
love?
did I expect the clouds to
crack
and blue moths to fly out of the stars?
did I expect a voice
to call to me
saying
“Here at last is the answer.”
what
I yell at them
shaking my lovers
what did I desire in you?
their ears fall off like petals
they shed their faces
in a pile at my feet
their bewildered eyes
pucker and close
centers of fallen flowers
the last face
floats down
circling in the darkness
at my feet
what did I desire in you? I whisper
the stems of their bodies
dry in my hands
– Mary Mackey
ok ok…i gave up fighting with wordpress to make this thing look half decent …i know its hard to read…but i think good poems…like good girls/boys…are worth a little struggle…
xoxo
sweeeet glory sugarbabies….
its was cold down there on the front row with all those sweaty lil hockey players…im soo glad that at the last min i threw on the fur (its getting lots of use these days)… cause really wearing a jersey seems a little bourgeois …and well….im not the type to “blend in” at a sporting event…but thats another story…anyway…
semin isnt how i spell it
Semin isnt how i spell it …but…whatevs… he IS adorable….
and so is this one…
why hellllllo sugarrrrr baby.......
do i give a shit know anything about hockey…umm…no…
but its still fun to:
glam up the house with your fur coat…
champagne cocktails and to
hear a few whispers of who is she? & did you see her shoes?
(lovies: bright red pradas are the only TEAM colored items i own)
to have your messages thrown up on the “jumbotron”…
all that AND i managed to keep my hair out of the guy behind mes beer…
(although he admitted to some close calls and to keeping it close to his chest)
yeah our team lost…but….no worries sugarbabies…it didnt put a damper on the afterparty….
seriously kids….i party…so you dont have to….
xoxo
sugarbabies…
if..
- you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies” because maybe…
- you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
- you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
- cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
- sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …
and here is the lesson kids….
grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
i’m pregnant….i know its the last thing you expected…me too….
Happy New Year
ok ok
im just messing with you…but realllly i do mean the happy new year thing.. and im wishing alll kinds of good (and naughty) things for you all in the new year..
i just talked to my Dr. and im pretty sure that the INSANE case of PMS that i’ve had for several weeks that caused me to cry uncontrollably for almost a week…awesomeness… is merely the result of the new pill she put me on..
“oh yeah thats a common side effect” …..she told me alll casually…
like i hadnt spent the last few weeks believing myself to be completely loosing my grip …doing alll i could to avoid friends and parties…and… generally feeling like a blonder ann sexton (with better shoes of course)….
fucking the hells??
bitch couldnt have mentioned that????????
i decided to hate her..but…..i suck at that sooo i just burst into tears…
to which she replied…
im calling the pharmacy now… new pills AND some valium…
see… now i heart her…
soo if the mood swings dont kill me.. ill be blaming my red eyes on the chlorine….. as i head down to sit on santas lap in the swanky hot tubs of miami..
you kids dont wait up
xoxo
hi sugarbabies…
no worries loves…the birch sexy firewood arrived in time… of course it wasnt quite cold enough for a fire in the fireplace sooo..it just sat next to the fireplace…looking sexy… (the firewood…not me silly) i was busy serving assorted pies and booze to any that i could cajole into such sinful pursuits… old people and babies entertained each other while the college kids made out in the “boom boom room”…and the mid life crisis’ had too much of the pricey wine and passed out earlyish….
alll in all it was a perfect thanksgiving…
keeping it sexy
18 turned into twenty for dinner … (thats right bitchez dinner for twenty and we stillll managed to keep it sexy!!!) and then grew a bit as the cocktail hour stretched on … the drugstore pony kept the kiddies entertained… yes-i have a drugstore pony and hes hooked up to a light switch so you dont even have to drop a quarter in ..you can ride for as looong as you want to..or until the music drives you crazy… (best.investment.ever) … the college kids were happy to dj and tip back any unattended booze … the older folks cooed over the babies..the tweens chased the toddlers …the mommies got drunk…the daddies packed leftovers…
and… me … well i …watched it all …with a vodka tonic in one hand a microfiber cloth tucked into the pocket of my silk skirt (im stilll ocd mind you) and the realization that the ONLY reason to have a house….is… it to fill it to capacity with love, music, friends, family, good food, great booze, and all things sexy…
as often as possible…
xoxo
dear sugarbabies…..
the top 10 quotes from the weekend:
10: “lets totalllly do something cheap tonight” followed a few hours later later with: “ummm we are gonna need ANOTHER bottle of Dom P. please”
9 i just rocked the red roof inn… where is the limo?
8 we have commandeered a prom vehicle!
7 me: “put the bottle of vodka in your purse” ….
freckles: “ok but its uuugh PEACH”
6) me: we went shoe shopping @ Neiman Marcus…thats more intimate than sex….
rothko: ummm dont worry he prob still thinks the sex is more intimate
5) Butterscotch is my safe word
4) there is my favorite blond one! …(flattery and vodka tonics will get you everywhere)
3) we have rented a mansion on 16th st and we are planning a “rager” wanna come??? (OMG!! LNS has moved into my building!! )
2) i cant plan until i find a pair of sequined booty shorts
and drumrollllllll plllleeeaaaasssseee….. the NO. 1 Quote of the weekend comes from our friend freckles:
1) tell the driver to pull right up to the door….i want to show my Brittney
sugarbabies i party so you dont have to…
xoxo
hey look what i found!! your Halloween costume!!… yall bitchez are looking yummmmy and ummm a little slutty…cool
sugarbabies
xoxo
sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…
Now where to begin??????
maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:
“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and quietly judging me”
or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…
“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”
seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money??? have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….
he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)
so theres that…
you say bitch...like its a bad thing...
or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace…
(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)
i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….
i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….
i am verrrrry smoooooth….
xoxo
sugarbabies…
there are a LOT of reasons to buy original artwork…. one of my faves is …cause they ship it wrapped in enough bubble wrap to cover the ENTIRE bed….
xoxo
sugarbabies
since my two favorite cooks here and here havent yet posted a recipe/directions…and because my favorite restaurant consultant hasnt pointed me toward a local source that can provide what i need…what we allll need … today i took drastic measures… and sent the following note:
10.02.2008
via fax: (910) xxx-xxxx
{confidential source redacted bitchez !!}
Dear Mike;
It has recently come to my attention that you sell a famous Chocolate 10 Layer Cake… This is the best news I’ve received in months. My name is {redacted}. I grew up in NC; sadly I don’t get back home often enough. When I was a kid we bought a 10 Layer Cake every Sat at the farmers market. It was awesome.
Nowadays…. I live in Washington DC. I’m not sure if you have heard but lately …well… folks have not been getting along real well here. There is literally arguing in the halls, and even in the fancy steak restaurants. If only we could end the partisan bickering!! I really feel like it would be hard for them to argue if they were eating 10 Layer Chocolate Cake. WHO isnt happy eating a 10 Layer Chocolate Cake??? If I only I could get my hands on a 10 Layer Chocolate Cake- I am pretty sure we could avert a National Financial Disaster!!
I guess this is just a long way of asking:
Can Y’all Ship Those Things???
Sincerely,
p.s. no pressure but global economic stability may very well depend on your answer…
**UPDATE** 10 layers of goodness in transit….yeah thats right TEN LAYERS bitchez!!
i dropped my fave MARNI platform stilettos off at the cobbler this morning for a little sole soul…
i feel like a mom who just left her baby at the first day of kindergarten…
i know they will be ok…but i have to keep telling myself that the cobbler is qualified, and that the funny looks were just because they obviously think anyone wearing THOSE shoes and driving THAT car is a stripper …and they feel sorry for me ’cause im getting a bit old to be stripping for a living…NOT because they were planning to steal my shoes…
xoxo
sugarbabies….
blogs are funny things…and while innately narcissistic… sometimes …they do manage to provide a bit of perspective…and well…a weekend full of funerals…can do that too….sooo with that in mind…what i realllly want to say IS…
sometimes….i really only feel compelled to blog when crazy or negative stuff is going on…kinda as way to sort through it…mentally put it in a box post and file it away…… and even though things are far from perfect…in the big picture…youd be hard pressed to find a girl as lucky as me…and i wouldnt want ANYONE who stumbled on this little ole blog … to EVER think otherwise…
there isnt much in my life to complain about…yes there are bumps in the road…but… every day…i say a little thank you to the fates because… seriously…
i NEVER want to take for granted alll the reallly reallly good things/people in my life…
…lifes yin/yang cycle has been pretty evident, of late…
and while i lost good friends…folks that can not be replaced…
the fates have also seen fit to introduce really good people into my life recently…
and well…
its hard to not see the cyclical nature of things…when you and your friends are:
attending funerals AND weddings,
bar mitzvahs, baptisms, AND remembrance services for 9-11
enjoying both family dinners round a big table AND date nights in smokey lil clubs with a good band, shiner bock and marios pizza,
when you get the opportunity to bump around in an old pickup truck AND cruise the GW parkway topless in Sex on Wheels…
and while the economy is uncertain….right now…at this very moment…alll of my bills are paid and there is a little change in the bank…
and oh yeah…. last week i got to watch a little art porn AND some football…
the redskins even won on sunday…
…life IS good…
although …it would be okay with me if the fates would take a teeeny little bit of interest in my fantasy football team…cause evidently… choosing players based on handsomeness….while making for an awesome FANTASY…kinda makes for a sucky FOOTBALL team…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
gambling…is addictive…
“roll the dice…sex,drugs, and rock n roll are my only vice….” -Everlast
im not usually one to gamble… i work hard for my money… so ..im pretty careful bout how i spend it…and well… i know the odds… and …thats what usually keeps me from gambling… MOST of the TIME…
..but…on occasion i get lured into a game… usually …if im tempted..
its with house money… nuthin to lose…those are pretty good odds…
even a sex kitten has a hard time saying no…
…but a kitten has to be careful…
because sometimes… the house money runs out… and if you arent done with the game…
you catch yourself investing a bit of your own…
and thats when…things get dangerous…
and kittens get skittish…
and …
well…
trips out of town get booked… and car keys get tossed about carelessly…
and the housekeeper starts shaking her head at the frequent requests for linen changes…
im afraid im not a brave girl…
and when that happens…i push back from the table..
i’m not sure i can afford to lose…
maybe i shouldnt have sat down at all….
and.. now here i am…in too deep to walk away….but…not far enough
to know if winning is really possible …
whats winning anyway??
the last one at the table??? the biggest bank roll at the end of the night???
maybe “winning” …
is just getting to play the game…getting invited to sit at the high stakes table….
and maybe just maybe …i should consider….
plunking down some cold hard emotional cash….
xoxo
sugarbabies..
take notes :
dont let any of the following facts stop the party:
- its a weekday…and the sun is coming up….
- that you both have to be at work in a few hours….(but babies…that poor thing he didnt quite make it into the office….bless his heart)
- that you have a plane to catch (another one leaves every two hours)
- that you have made out soo hard..that you have rubbed your nose raw….on his scruffy bits...(mmmmeoooowrrr…dont you just love boys sometimes…)
- that you need to leave a note for the housekeeper that says “boom chika wah wah” which loosely translates to “please wash the sheets”
and oh yeah…having one boy bring you coffee at 6 am so that you can be awake enough to have another boy bring you coffee at 7am….is wrong on sooo many levels…but …its what happened this morning…
and silly me…i thought mondays were good…
xoxo
whats that sugarbabies???
youve never heard of a casting couch???
yes you have…youre teasing me….again…
silly….
of course ive slept with film makers….
hasnt everyone??? i mean its practically a civic duty…right??
well….these people talked me into it the first time...and yeah… id recommend it….
i mean really love… whats the worst that could happen…
youd have an italian filmakers love child…how darling would that be!!!
xoxo
sugarbabies…
SEX KITTEN 101:
if you are a blond sex kitten in french stilettos… dancing with a sooopa sexy tiny lil’ black girl — telling boys that you are “girlfriends” — doesnt do much to disuade them from trying to dance with you…
SEX KITTEN 103:
The GOOD Thing about living next door to a club:
if you run out of toilet paper at 3:30am… they will loan you a roll
The BAD part:
it will be one of those industrial sized rolls and will be kicking round in your powder room for years….
and…..in the tradition of overheard in dc: or eavesdrop dc…except these happened to me:
1) from creepy dude with snotty attitude sitting on a fountain with large boa constrictor wrapped around him with the head coming up from between his legs and kinda swaying…
when my girlfriend was startled:
Creepy dude: “What youve never seen a guy holding a snake before??”
Me: ummm..yeah… ive seen lots of boys hold thier snakes…..just never one sooo small….
2) Cute guy friend as we are walking home from dinner:
my yoga instructor has been checking out my MATCH.Com profile…does that mean she is into me? (i dont know why this one struck me funny but it did…mostly cause my yoga instructors have mostly all been crazies…)
3) drunk girl digging in her purse for her ID
..my handbag is like a warzone!!
4) lamest pick up line of the work week… from guy sitting next to me at a bar
this IS my “im available” outfit…is that your “im available” outfit??….
5) lamest pick up line of the weekend…from super young super prepster at THE Space
him : wow… you look smart
me: wow… you look drunk
xoxo
sugarbabies..
changing your pants while driving down the toll road in a spring rain -that also includes sleet- with a 5 speed manual transmission… AND 5 inch stilettos… takes a certain je ne sais quoi …. that this sex kitten has been practicing…..but…. the whole thing left me remembering THIS…and i definately give extra credit because …well… because the diagrams are kick ass… i think that the same general principles apply to sex on wheels…keeping in mind…there is more head room but less privacy..if the top is down…
xoxo
oh sugarbabies…
its not easy keeping sex on wheels sexy…or on wheels for that matter…. seems she likes her tires like i like my shoes…expensive and italian…and also like me… she wears em out quick…as in …i just put tires on her in November…yes sugarbabies… thats right…its not complicated “delegate math”….barely five months… cause evidently expensive high performance tires….like expensive high platform stilettos… are NOT in any sense of the word…practical…
and i wouldnt have it any other way….
sooo….. i dropped sex on wheels off at the auto repair shop dayspa….and handed the keys over to a the professional auto fixer dude anxious pimply faced boy…as he took the keys i apologized for how dirty she was…i know i know like me…. you kids are awful…he smiled and said he had seen dirtier…which kinda cracked me up ..cause i can assure you…. im prob the dirtiest thing that that poor kid will EVER SEE….. but whats a girl to do..i smiled coyly…batted my eyelashes and left them alone…a few hours later… i picked her up…
- new tires
- oil changed (im leaving the lube job joke to uncle keith…hes better at them than me…but i do want to remind him that her engine IS in the REAR)
- and freshly washed and waxed…. (inset your own joke here…some of them are just too easy….i cant do ALLLL the work for y’all)
and i swear… after an afternoon with sex on wheels… when i pulled out ( its like christmas here for uncle keith today) of there….it seemed to me… that the kid… had weee bit of swagger…i whispered to sex on wheels….
SUGAR…our job here is done….
xoxo
hi sugarbabies…
its probably the vodka talking…but whatevs … you deserve it…. youve been xxxtra patient with me…
you deserve a post….
soooo ive been sick…i know youre allll tired of hearing it…. not as tired as i am of battling the flu ebloa virus …but…. tired… sooo ….. a few times i managed to drag myself out of bed and stir up trouble… a couple of times…i thought i was better for a day or two… then BAM…back to bed with boxes of PuffsUltra… its the little in between bits that im gonna try to put down in words here… maybe a list would work?? ill try…in no particular order…..
- went to brunch at 12:30 at a tex mex place….and it ended at 1:30 am crashing a corner vip booth and getting felt up by lesbians in a club….with quick side trips to a swanky furniture store and a crowded irish pub…..some days…. the party starts early….
- spent valentines day with this fella…. whatever…. he was persistent….and sweet…
- accidentally called a clients laptop…his porn player… in a big ole business meeting…. as in… “here *dude* (not his real name) pass me your porn player….i know how to make it work for you “…..when the room went dead silent…. i then added…ever so professionally… “umm…. i guess…..thats what she said?”…. in spite of… or because of?? not sure which… i still got the job…
- pretty sure i gave myself heavy metal poisoning … trying to eat cracker barrel cheese and instead eating a bunch of the wrapper…. yeah i know…must be a blond thing….
- kissed a boy from NYC…prob gave him the Ebola virus…oops sorry dude…
- found myself
drivingskidding across the TR Bridge during a random winter storm that pretty much reduced “sex on wheels” to a very expensive sled… if not for the weird as hell hours that i keep… im sure i woulda totally crashed….DO NOT WANT!!! - encountered the following
clusterfuckminor setbacks trying to make Lemmonex’s champagne pear cupcakes- no mixer in my kitchen
- no grater in my kitchen
- no cupcake tin in my kitchen
- no measuring cups
- no measuring spoons
- no knife (ok ok … there are a few butter knives and two steak knives that i stole from the austin grill…fucking classy eh??)…i know the recipe doesnt call for knives..but at this point….i wanted to stab something…
- no mixing bowls (only chinese rice bowls… go figure)
- couldnt open the champagne bottle ……isnt THAT what boys are for?????
- dont have foggiest idea how to “sift” things together….is that somehow different from stirring???
- cant exactly turn on the oven portion of my stove…. its gas… im afraid im gonna kill myself…sticking my head in the oven to peek in and see if i can see that wee bit of blue flame under the pan thingy…and trying turn the knob and adjust the gas flow at the same time….
- and…last but not least…i was wearing these panties…..
i know, i know…. who still wears panties????
but …i do …cause they are cute….
and i was wearing these…
cause they were new…but they were scrunching up under my jeans… sooo….
i decided kamakazi was a better idea…
sooo….. i go to the ladies room…. pull off my jeans… and was taking my panties off…when they got tangled in my 5 inch tall “free gas” stilettos… this sends me careening and i certainly would have fallen completely over…but the stall was small…. so i kinda caught myself with my elbow but not before i slam my hip into the toilet paper holder and in the process… manage to knock my jeans over and into the toilet….. yep…sugarbabies….. being a sex kitten…. is NOT all bonbons and bacon ice cream…
xoxo
sugababies…
i cant remember the last time i had sex…
sad… i know…
meanwhile my electric bill has tripled…go figure…
maybe the dry spell is because
ive been sick… for like a solid month…flu-eeeww
OR maybe
because ive been traveling …though now that i think about it… that rarely stops me …
…i kinda heart -on the road sex-
not IN the ROAD sex..although ok ok id prob like that too… but yeah..umm where was i?? On the Road Sex…yeah… its great..
- nobody wants to be your “boyfriend”… AND
- nobody goes looking for your blog…
… its not not as good as my HITACHI…. but hell…so few things in life are….dear baby jebus..thank you for the hitachi …i*heart* it very very much….
but seriously…even if it is only to get Al Gore and his team of smaller carbon footprint hippies…off my back *so to speak*…..
i should realllly get laid….soon…..
ok..ok… back to our regularly scheduled programming…
things i heart:
i cant believe nobody invented this before now!
its vodka WITH caffine…
now there is no need for me to drink coffee in the morning!!! i can go straight to vodka tonics with no reservations….and its pretty…
the lobster mac and cheese… still my fave comfort food… add the
bombe chocolate bombe and…
well this blond..is in a lil culinary comfort coma… not to mention snuggling in their bar all cozy and candlelit watching the world walk by freezing their nuts off… is a great way to spend an evening and a couple of hundred bucks….
i know my life is really great… because i can honestly say that some days…the biggest decision i have to make.. is…
lemon + sage OR vanilla + bergamot (its a fruit thing..i had to google it too)
but then i love all bliss…
call me a bliss junkie…
who can resist
soft, slippery AND smells good… whats not love??
and last but certainly not least….
i heart this place…
these folks will set you up on a date in like fifteen min!..i know… i know….
it sounds a little dangerous… but damn….. y’all know me… i like that in a date!
xoxo
sugarbabies….
i just realized something about myself….
i dont go to the grocery store when i run out of groceries..
nope my cupboards can be pretty bare for weeks at at time….
i’ve got workarounds for that … last week i:
- ordered enough pizza and soda pop for two days
- ate an old box of raisins for dinner
- stole a roll of toilet paper from the office
- i have even been known to go on dinner dates with boys JUST to avoid going to Whole Foods….
nope…. i only go to the grocery store….. when i run out of…..
mixers…
some things a girl cant do without….
xoxo
ahhh sugarbabies….
its been ages since a porn post….. i suppose i just like to make y’all beg for em… so….well… by now…. youre all pretty familiar with my porn player troubles….if not… click here and then here ….sooooo
i convinced a boy… to attempt to return the porn player that “swallows” … to the 8th circle of hell….i mean..umm….. Best Buy…
once we get there…..he takes the porn player over to the geek squad desk… right at the front of the store…while i go to look for a replacement…
of course… he tells the geek squad a movie is stuck in the built in dvd player…
the geeks push some buttons..scratch their heads and push some more buttons….. right about the time i get to the tubo tax display… almost to the desk… one gifted geek pushes the right sequence of buttons…
and WHAM….
the “movie” starts playing….
of course when i say movie i mean hardcore fetish porn…this is not cheerleader porn….umm….no….its good old fashioned latex… whips and chains hardcore fetish stuff…* sigh* fun i know… i know!!!….
and it is playing…. at the front desk of the Geek Squad Station @ Best Buy…. yeah…
- the geek who pushed the button…. his jaw kinda hit the counter
- the “manager” of the counter ..well…. i thought she had a cardiac incident might easily have require full blown (he he he) medical attention
- the gay dude in line..winked at me…while waving his hand over his heart…
- the dude… i had convinced to return the tv with me……turned on his heels….. locked eyes with me and shouted……loudly…. …“suicide_blond…. you bitch … you’re the one who stole my dvd!!! “
you know what can be more fun than watching freak porn????
watching white nerdy folks freak the fuck out….when porn starts playing in thier Best Buy lobby…..
OMG…. you just can not pay for entertainment like that….
xoxo
sugarbabies…
y’all generally give me a week to organize my thoughts … but…umm…lately… a few of y’all are stomping your feet rather impatiently… soo… rather than ignore you… (which ive been known to do … and will prob do again)
you get a “sloppy quickie” which in my world translates into …. a tidy lil list…. until i feel like sitting down and …banging out… you know… one that leaves you breathless…
… sooooo lets see now….
THINGS I DID
- stayed out til 4 am dancing and laughing with an old friend…. note: that is actually how long it took for my feet to start hurting in those wicked 5 inch heels..but i think by the end of that night i could have been in puma’s and my feet woulda hurt
- watched the sun come up from the roof of a building that you need at least a “top secret” clearance to get into
- watched the redskins lose but didnt really care…. cause i had a cold beer and good friends sooo…whatevs
- went to a “basement bhangra” party – with dj rekha – accidentally… and was reallly glad i did…. it was awesome
almost ran overflirted with a group of about 6 FFX cops..in TC’s hood… while they stood in the middle of the street…hhhhmm.. i thought only dc cops did that shit…..- mistook a tween Hannah Montana fan for a cancer victim…(evidently they wear wigs too…who knew??)
- exchanged broken porn player to
Best Buy…third circle of hell…. i swear to god… i wanted to fire bomb those sons of bitches… (im on the third one now for anyone keeping score) - had a migrane headache for the better part of two days
- discovered the best won-ton soup ive ever had ….. here
- lost and then found (thank the sweet baby jeebus) the front tag on “sex on wheels“…im such a lucky bitch …well that…..and the guys in my parking garage looove me…
- rode around for two days with the top down ….its january people…. so i decided to just sell the hard top for my car… im just waaay to optimistic to really ever put the HARD TOP on… you just never know…
- sent a fist full of thank you notes out…
THINGS I NEED TO DO
- shop for bat mitzvah gifts (suggestions from the chosen among you welcome) before sat
- hair color appt… (it aint easy being this blond) tomorrow 1130 am
- eat some vegetables… ive only eaten crap for two months now
- laser hair removal appt for my legs..im soo done with shaving them EVERY morning …friday 9am
- cancel two of my three gym memberships…i can get by on a single gym in 2008…
- write a real post for this freaking blog…. about allll the stuff you babies have been patiently waiting for… the good stuff….. the bad stuff and esp…… the boy stuff…..
xoxo
the good thing about not cooking…. (in that way) is…..
you can use the dishwasher AND the oven for storage…
in 2008 im gonna try a few of Lemmonex’s recipes!!!
dear god i hope i remember to take the empty pizza boxes out of the oven BEFORE i turn it on…..
NOTE: blond observation…
damn…. soccer moms …frantically trying to get to a hannah montana concert with a mini van full of tween girls are ABSOLUTLEY the worst drivers EVER….come on bitches….you make teenage boys sweating a tokyo drift look responsible….
xoxo
i hope this post finds you hungover… and cuddled up with hot cocoa or maybe a dif. kind of hottie…
ive been completely uplugged from the world for a bit… it has been kinda great…kinda like rehab..at first i had the jitters and was kinda surprised at how unnerving it can be to not have hi speed access to the internets..or your blackberrry for a few days…and ….then you realize that your survival realllllly isnt dependant on that stuff…. and you enjoy some of the simple pleasures that the holidays can bring… being surrounded by family (you eventuallly learn to love both the good and bad bits of that!!) …..
so a quick list…(my OCD loves a good list) should catch you up on what a certain blond has been up to the last few weeks:
-
shopping shopping and shopping… i waited til the last min… so the only about half my shopping was on the net this year… yikes..ill try not to make that mistake again
-
a certain pro athlete has texted me about 40 times since i let him buy me a drink back before christmas eve….dude… give it up…im not interested in being the jessica to your romo…and you a$$holes had BETTER beat the cowboys tonight or im deleting you altogether
-
the freaking porn player ate another porn…and wont spit it out!!! it is down AGAIN!!! rrrgh…
-
A-Cups AND Hawaiian Tropic stopped by the office to share some christmas love…. awww…. a-cups is good …likes her new job…they evidently are not as flexible about her schedule as she hoped…but i think im the ONLY boss who doesnt care if or when you come in ….as long as everything is done and I DONT have to come in….. Hawaiian Tropic…. has moved in with her boyfriend in NC and because he “travels alot” she hasnt worked since she left me…almost a year ago… she is loving life… good for her…but…. i would soooo love to see her take care of herself… and not just skate by on being super gorgeous…. she doesnt give herself enough credit….
-
another reason to looove the holidays…. i had rum cake for breakfast – often
-
and oh yeah…vodka for lunch – often (i find i love family more ….with a teeny cocktail)
-
curled up with a few good books..and a fire…. was heaven
-
opened a reallly good bottle of champagne to help a friend celebrate 1 year cancer free
-
attended a funeral…. while sometimes sad… it reminded me to make the most of my time….and that is a good thing
-
attended some parties that were not as much fun as the funeral…soooo that says something about how you live your life…i hope that someday… my funeral is a real blast!!!
i supose in summary: i ate too much, drank too much, spent too much, drove too much, worked too much, recieved too much, slept too much,
and basically decided that a life of moderation….. as nice as that sounds…
just isnt gonna happen …. cause well…. im lucky enough to be surounded by some of the most generous of friends and family…and im not talking about money and things…..they are generous with spirit, time, hope, love, and self…..
and welll sugarbabies…. if you find yourself drowning in the well wishes of others…the least you can do….
is paddle as hard as you can!
and this year while i may decide to pass on the peanut butter fudge…possibly the gravy…. please be assured that ill be having a double helping of hope and charity and faith (and not the ones on the playboy channel… you pervs..)….. and i hope you will too…
sooo cheers sugarbabies…..to exxcess… of the best sort..in 2008
xoxo
hi sugarbabies…..
i had a post allll about my weekend and putting up the vintage aluminum christmas tree… and how i got some cowboys to help me…and the speeding ticket …. that would have been “reckless” ’cause well you know…..evidently i changed lanes something like 7 times in three miles…and at speeds over 75mph…. i didnt tell him i would have been doing about 95 BUT i was texting someone….
ok yeah..well nevermind about alll that…. cause….*sigh* last night…i found the PuuuuRFECT trench coat… you know ….tan …shoulder epaulets … a perfectly proportioned collar…belted… just the right length (neverrr happens)… the poor thing is just beggging….as in on its knees …. for some dark glasses ….. and naughty underthings…..
a christmas freaking miracle…..
ahh…. im sooo in love……
xoxo
Take A Shot