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…great…
of course….asking the printer to actuallly work would be wayyyy tooo much… fuck christmas cards…
i need to eat something….what time is it??
3:00…..christ… ive only eaten some grated cheddar…no wonder i have this fucking throbbing headache….
ipod: My Life with The Thrill Kill Kult: ….as soon as i can im getting out of here….
yeah i need to get outta here…where are my shoes???…no…. not those….no i think i want the tall boots…the pointy dior ones with five inch stiletto heels…i havent worn those in a while….christ… this closet is cluttered….
do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning
here they are… god damn they hurt my feet… perfect…last time my toe nails scrunched up against my toes and when i took these fuckers off my feet were a bloody mess….
glamour is a rocky road….
perfect…. thats exactly what i want… fuck fuck fuck….
Skin flicks… lipstick… baby scribbles in the mirror…
i need the “narrow at the ankle” skinny jeans…good thing i did laundry…
and the thigh high “socks” OVER the jeans…yep…
damn these boots are hot ….i should wear them more often…but fuck me
drama overdoses….
yeah …they still reallllly hurt my feet…
i dont care…. i wanna wear em anyway…im looking forward to the hurt..
it feels kinda good…
no good isnt the word….what is it??? they feelll ____???? welll…. i feel…..
i FEEL a LOT….. these days…its too much…. id rather just feel my feet….even if its cause they hurt..
chickie babys gone off the deep end
pain….plain ole predictable foot pain… that im in CONTROL of….
is almost…whats the word??????…. comforting…
and then he hit me …and it felt like a kiss…
no not comforting….but well…it beats….{ha a pun…i rock}……yeah it beats the shit out of any inner turmoil crap….
god damn…..ive had an emotionally exhausting few days….
i just wanna turn it all offf!! offf…offff….offf
change get back to the beginning…
i do not have time to psycho analyze my relationship with a pair of designer dominatrix boots…..
i wanna get outta here…now…
change… go back to the beginning…
emotional honesty as bravery…. or vanity…..seriously??? for fucks sake im shaking …
i want out of here….
thoughtless words are like shadows…
where the fuck is my overnight bag???
where is my phone???
hey beeotch…no not too good… i could prob use that…can you bring some valium?… feel like fish???
ok… see you in an hour …ish… bye.
god dammit im outta soda pop…
i’ll go to burger king on my way out…but christ i want to get out of here…now…now…
from a world where words… are like graven images
zip these fucking boots up…
yeah im feeling a little bad ass….ill wear the red leather jacket….looks cute with my t-shirt….
bag? check.
lip gloss? check.
credit cards? check.
cell phone? check.
turn off the heat.. Check.
damn… the flowers… they need to go to the trash… fuck.. i dont want to take the time… i want to leave NOW… fuck ‘em and fuck him tooo…
we talk …we twist …we turn …we blow our circuits….
ok im out…
—- whats that guy doing?? — Christ on a Stick… hes peeing on my building….great…just ignore him walk away…walk away..
no he didnt just call me sweetness….
fuck hes gonna pee on me! ….
” yeah i see your junk… put it away… NOW”
it could’ve been you..it could’ve been me…
@ burger king walk up window: “can i get a large diet soda?”
FUCK-ing-A…. he did NOT follow me here with his shit…still out…. christ….i *heart* dc i *heart* dc
“Hell no… im not buying you shit! put your junk away before i call the cops…im not fucking kidding!! you just tried to piss on me! fucking cocksucker if you dont put it away ill get that cop!
butterscotch!!! you fucker ….walk to the garage dont run..walk… walk…dont run …walk …dont run…
buses… roadies… a concert is loading in… i dont care i want out of here….i want out before the crowd shows up….
where did i park?? oh… hi baby… unlock…slide down behind the wheel… push the ipod into the holster…
change… get back to the beginning…in the hour of zero
fuck my head is throbbing… turn the music up louder… louder…louder…ah….
born into a life where pain is your very best friend…
fuck… missed the light…there is L-bomb’s place WTF is up with him???… he left his business card on my windshield last week…WTF do i do with that??? …fucking great…green light green light green light..i want to go…i want out of here…
one life…one fire… get back to the beginning…
unmarked car rolling up behind me… fucking helll…. whew…its just “columbian hottys” husband…. he prob wants to know if im gonna mention seeing him {redacted} his secret is safe with me…. thats between them…. nod back to him…nod… asshole….
this town is toooo fucking small….
its the way of the wicked…
green light green light green light… peel out…if unmarked wants to stop me… he’ll have to catch me… i wanna be doing 90… i wanna be going fast….i wanna be over that bridge…
theres no time for love….
im not one of the brave ones… and im not sure if im vain….maybe i am… but now…right now…. all i want is to run… all i can think about is running… im running… again… but dammmmnit… i have no idea where im going…
theres no time for love… where the wild ones live..
xoxo
****editors note****
i felt much better after two drinks a valium and some grilled tilapia in lemon butter sauce… and no worries…i just cuss a heck of a lot more in my head…than when i talk..
xoxo
sugarbabies…
by request….especially for this fella…
picture it…
a late sat afternoon drive to the country….the top is down the sun is hot but its on its way down….so the heat isnt tooo bad…
no…its just about right…
the road is lonely…and due to a dependable bit of intel… i know that it is shift change for the boys in blue along this lil stretch of pavement… sooo… i push in the clutch…(which is kinda hard…cause ive already pulled off my shoes and even with the seat as far forward as it goes…my toes just barely reach to push it all the way to the floor) i slide her into 6th….and turn up the music…
life doesnt get much better than this…
i throw my hands over my head for a fews seconds…look…mom…no hands!…. the alignment is perfect…she doesnt even pull a tiny bit….i put my hands back on the wheel…ahead of me …waaaay ahead..i spy another vehicle…a big one…they dont allow big rigs on the greenway and so its a bit unusual to see something that big..on this stretch of pavement….
im gaining pretty fast…steering with one hand.. and trying to get my tangle of hair back into some sort of ponytail with the other….
im closing in…its an RV… pulling a gear trailer… i have enough friends in bands to recognize this as musicians on the road….hmmmm….i get a little closer i see the writing on the back of the trailer…
odd….quotes from some ole rock and roll….
i pull up alongside….
“keeping the dream alive” plastered alll over the side…
its an RV full of Elvis impersonators…and…wait for it….
they are waving …(i know what you’re thinking…srsly?? but sugarbabies i couldnt make this shit up)
right then… a gust of wind catches my top…
up goes my shirt…
The Elvis at the wheel…honks and give the thumbs up!…
i drop …my hair.. push my top back down… and wave….
push it to the floor… zooommmm away….
Keeping the Dream Alive…indeed….
xoxo
ironically..my fave elvis show…Elvez…will be at the black cat august 15 with his infamous…ElVez for Prez show… its ALWAYS a good time..worlds will collide…i recommend it to one and alll…
oh sugarbabies…
its not easy keeping sex on wheels sexy…or on wheels for that matter…. seems she likes her tires like i like my shoes…expensive and italian…and also like me… she wears em out quick…as in …i just put tires on her in November…yes sugarbabies… thats right…its not complicated “delegate math”….barely five months… cause evidently expensive high performance tires….like expensive high platform stilettos… are NOT in any sense of the word…practical…
and i wouldnt have it any other way….
sooo….. i dropped sex on wheels off at the auto repair shop dayspa….and handed the keys over to a the professional auto fixer dude anxious pimply faced boy…as he took the keys i apologized for how dirty she was…i know i know like me…. you kids are awful…he smiled and said he had seen dirtier…which kinda cracked me up ..cause i can assure you…. im prob the dirtiest thing that that poor kid will EVER SEE….. but whats a girl to do..i smiled coyly…batted my eyelashes and left them alone…a few hours later… i picked her up…
- new tires
- oil changed (im leaving the lube job joke to uncle keith…hes better at them than me…but i do want to remind him that her engine IS in the REAR)
- and freshly washed and waxed…. (inset your own joke here…some of them are just too easy….i cant do ALLLL the work for y’all)
and i swear… after an afternoon with sex on wheels… when i pulled out ( its like christmas here for uncle keith today) of there….it seemed to me… that the kid… had weee bit of swagger…i whispered to sex on wheels….
SUGAR…our job here is done….
xoxo
sugarbabies….
i suppose it is true that we define ourselves by our limits…
by deciding … how far we will be pushed… how low we will sink… how high we will reach… how hard we will work…or how far we will go… for something…or someone…
so when a friend from NYC called the other night…
the last thing i expected…
was to face the question of… how far…. would i go….
for the record…he’s NOT one of “those” friends… (the ones with benefits and all)… nope…. he’s the real deal… ive known him since i was fifteen years old… we’ve been there for each other through things like schools, graduations, marriages, divorces, cancers, babies, career changes, mortgages, reversals of fortunes, and reversals of reversals of fortunes … he’s that kind of friend…
…and the last year has been a tuff one for him…
so when i saw his name on the phone…. i was reallly glad to answer…and hear from him…. we spent about an hour catching up…. and…he eventually said something about how we hadnt seen each other in ages and that i should come to NYC…. and i said i was too busy right now…he should come to DC….and he said he was too busy….. etc etc… finally we agreed that we were both busy… and how important the stuff going on in our lives was…. and pretty soon we said good bye …and hung up…
… i walked around the house for a bit…doing important stuff…like you know:
- putting away some laundry…
- cleaning out my internet cache…
- updating my ipod…
and it hit me…
like a rock…like a big ole jagged rock to the backside of my crazy blond head……
is that as far as i can go… for friendship?
since when ….. am i toooo busy for a friend?
sooo…even though it was getting late…
i called him back…
SB: hey sugarpie… since when do we not have time for each other????
BOY: umm..since never….
SB: GOOD… cause i can be at Union station in 15 min..and
YOU can be at Penn station in 15 min…
we can both be on fast trains within an hour….
ill meet you in the middle….
philly…
and sugarpie…you better run…cause …last one there…buys …. and i feel expensive tonight….
i was pulling on my jacket and looking out the window to see if i could spot a cab as i was talking…
the race was on…
and then…i remembered reading this…..
so i told him id meet him at the Silk City Diner….
for breakfast….
and we did…
he beat me there by 7 min…
thats what friends do….
they go the extra mile..or in this case…
they half the distance and double their solidarity…
huevos rancheros… and coffee…and good friends…..at an all night diner…
life can be as simple and as good as that….
if you’re willing to go that far….
xoxo
- cab fares : $26.00
- train tix: $136.00
- jukebox: $6.00
- diner tab: $68.00
- all night adventure that included trains and breakfast with a good friend…. priceless…
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