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oh sugarbabies…
i bought a new pair of jeans this week..ok ok.. you got me..i bought a bunch of new clothes…you know how it goes…one for aunt fern…three for me…. one for mom… three for me… but i digress….i did it to bribe myself into being better about the IHOP visits, the cake monkey flown in from LA… the treats in the break room…the yummy goodies at assorted office parties… you know of what i speak….
so i bought a tight pair of expensive jeans (yes..they look great) …and told myself that there was room for nary a cookie… and i gave away the cake monkey goodness to clients.. ok ok damn you .. MOST of the cake monkey goodness….
and then just when i thought i was doing sooo good.. i found myself in the middle of a rural mcdonalds at a truckstop ….thankyouverymuch… ordering an egg and cheese mcmuffin… i sat in a lumpy booth that was prob from the 70’s and realllly enjoyed that thing… i savored every bite… chewed slowly…and washed it down with a bottle of lemon flavored dasani…. then the guilt hit me… ahhh the shame of it all…the lack of control….which anyone who knows me… knows that when i get “fixated” on a control issue… well…it can get dicey… and well… for a moment i wanted to blame rural america for not offering me a healthy choice… but im not one to shift blame…or at least im not ready to admit that i do ….sooo….
i started thinking about what i would have eaten if i had been home…oh simple enufff…
one of the kids would have brought me my fave egg and cheese sandwich from panera….. hey wait..i just ate and egg and cheese sandwich why do i feel so extra guilty??? and then i pulled out my iphone and did the research… the McDonalds sandwich was wayyyyyy healthier (numbers only here…but then isnt that what this is??? a numbers game?? ) no seriously…
panera 380 calories
mcdonalds 270 calories…
and its not just in calories… the Mickey D Won in almost EVERY CATAGORY…
sodium, fat grams, serving size (mc was LARGER), panera won protein with 18gm over mcd’s 14 grams…i like a lottttttt of protein….
and then as if to add insult to injury… mickey comes in UNDER TWO dollars… compared to paneras…well you get teh picture…they wont even post how much that $hit costs on the web!
….christ on a cracker…
dont worry kids i didnt take away from this that i should eat more mcdonalds….
just that i should give up entirely on panera…
goodbye thick slice of vermont white cheddar…you were amazing..its NOT you its me… and these pants …you see…they mean more to me than… well…you
and maybe i shouldnt beat myself up for EVERY indulgence…moderation i tell my self…but yeah..have you seeen my life?? lets just say moderation isnt my forte’…
all that AND i dropped my makeup bag on the floor of a “ladies” room (and i use the term loosely ) of the truckstop…please dont ask why i was doing my makeup & eating a mcmuffin in a truckstop…
thats a post for another day….
…and to boot i JUST found out its Thursday…
and i made a lawyer ( a very expensive one i might add) argue the case for it being Thursday as…im obviously a conspiracy theorist and i wasnt just willing to take the opinion of “the man” on this issue…
which means i am a day late on everything….
i thought it was only WED… no wonder they looked at me funny when i dropped alice off yesterday for her TUES appt. at the Groomer!
christ… some days its hard being this blond….
ok …umm… is it too early to start drinking???
xoxo
sugarbabies…
sometimes its not what you do but who you do it with that makes things special…and sometimes when karma has you in her good graces… you get to do really great things WITH really great people and welll…
the stars have been aligning for me lately … or maybe it was the moon …that i usually call cruel… showing mercy to a blond with a soft spot for slightly chilly fall evenings with really warm friends…..
*the shrimp and grits over at the Argonaut is yummy… they do it spicy and cheesy…which is fine by me… ask Lenny the bar keep for a beer rec..he has a good handle on whats there and how it goes down…i suggest you arrrive in an old pick up truck even though the neighborhood isnt even scary anymore…and sorry if you missed the “Thriller on H” which was a community performance of the thriller dance… performed by assorted volunteer zombies…and sponsored by joy of motion(a dance school?) sooo the whole thing had me feelin like i was in a episode of Fame… but in a good way…
*halloween ha! thats its own post!
*the specials at Poste are sometimes more expensive than good and to be honest id have rather had a burger ….. but the company was good…the service was adorable…and by the time they poured the champagne our numbers had swelled from 2 to 6 and so i didnt reallly mind that i dropped three benjis on dinner and didnt even get laid…ok ok maybe i mind just a little 
*i may have discovered that it is easier to get to annapolis than georgetown from my place…no kidding two right hand turns…
*the booking folks at iota rarely get it wrong…(thanks to U. for the the heads up just the same) so yeah …i really enjoyed sneaking in just in time to catch Gregory Alan Isakov – i parked sex on wheels illegally right out back … sooo later im sneaking out the back door to check on her…and … i cant quite get the gate to open… i turn to a fella there “is there a trick to this?” he smiled…”yeah you PUSH it… then when you want to come back in you PULL it” then he playfully tugged on a strand of blond hair and said “...guess cute as you are…you probably dont have to open many doors for yourself” … i smiled back… “only if there isnt a GENTLEMAN in sight” he bowed low and shoved open the door….. when i got back he was holding it again… “thanks love“ later a note on my car seat said he was available for running in front of me to get pesky things like doors… 
…note passing seemed to be a theme that night… notes … and cellos…two diff cello performances in a week… who’d a guessed??… and the moon… ah yes the moon… wow …did y’all happen to see that big moon tuesday night???soooo
yeah…. a super special thanks to that big ole moon that saw me home safely this week…makes me think fall is giving spring a real run for her money this year…
i think GAI might have summed it up pretty well here:
Give me darkness when I’m dreaming Give me moonlight when I’m leaving
Give me shoes that weren’t made for standing.
Give me treeline, give me big sky, give me snowbound, Give me rainclouds, give me bedtime just sometimes…..
~GAI
xoxo
sugarbabies…
over the weekend i hit the stores looking for a bit of fall fashion inspiration… at five feet nuthin its hard to wear a lot of the cuts that are out right now… HOWEVER….. i realized that the discount rack in the little boys dept had some great tee shirts/hoodies etc that fit perfectly! yay me…
i scooped up a couple of Shaun White 4 Target tees that were 3 bucks… great for layering… and i loove to “balance” big dollar items read: rick owens black leather jacket with less expensive ones…it keeps everyone guessing and …
and if my mama only taught me one thing…it was… leave ‘em guessing…
and wow…my new love is… polyvore… holy cow! took me 12 min flat to put this little montage of todays outfit together while i waited for my flight….. it was that or start drinking and it was only 6:30 am….soo……ummm….
im no fashion blogger… and umm…my hats off to those kids…. because this little exercise showed me how many elements there reallllllly are in this simple little casual (though multi layered for travel) outfit…. that…. AND…. welll i just dont know whether its cool or creepy that there is an image of nearly every thing im wearing today online… yes… even my “delicates” …. but i didnt add those… cause you know mom stuff and how im supposed to ….
“leave em guessing”
xoxo
sugarbabies…
sooo…on a recent beautiful fall day…i decide i should totallly drop the top…
sitting at the light at constitution and 6th i press the button… german machinery initiates a sequence of events that puts the top neatly away in a rear boot … i shake my hair out into the crisp air…reach for my skim soy iced latte and make the turn….a cyclist slides too close into my lane…i hit the brakes harder than i like to..pirelli tread is sooo expensive… my coffee dribbles… great… i reach over to the center console…which because of my size is actually kinda behind me…. without taking my eyes from the road …i start hand hunting for leftover fast food napkins… i can feel them…but the wind picks up and they are blowing out the top…Alice leaves her comfy shotgun post to kinda jump about in pursuit of said napkins… christ… im gonna get a littering ticket i think as an MPD Cruiser pulls in behind me and flashes the lights… i push my raybans up onto my head and turn to secure alice…. thats when i realize….
the “napkins” that were flying out the top of my car as i drove along constitution ave… were the andrew jackson variety…it was a veritable sex kittens stimulus package… lucky for me… its NOT actually illegal to have money flying out of your car …just… you know… ridiculous…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
for a long time the door at my country place was painted Hot Pink…
i did it myself… on a hot summer day in just a hanes wife beater t shirt … and panties (one of the perks of country life…you dont HAVE to wear pants…)
and it was puuurfect… everyone always commented how “ME” it was…I took it as a compliment… even on the occasions when i knew it was a backhanded one at best…
because
and this is important kids…
i didnt care… what anyone else thought of it…. i loved it… i grinned every time i saw it come into view…and if you had asked me to name my favorite thing about that house that summer i would not have paused for a moment…before laughing and saying …the hot pink pu$$y cat entrance….
eventually …. one of the handymen inadvertently painted the door gray…for reals…he painted my HOT PINK front door industrial gray….that was a colossal communication cluster …but whatever -thats another story
the point is…
i loved my hot pink door…
i came by it naturally… or at least i felt like i did…when i was young my Granny lived in pink house… a crazily IMPRACTICAL…Victorian house on the Ocean… that was pink… i remember her coming home from a HOA meeting beaming proud of herself…for fooling the HOA into thinking her teensy pink paint chip was actually called “dusty taupe” …we danced on the porches while the house was painted… we loved it… with formal gardens everywhere… (in pots, of course, you do KNOW how hard it is to grow vintage roses in sand!!!) and well… Grandaddy… he just shook his head… and said…
whatever makes my girls happy…
and he meant it… of course… he took quite a ribbing at the clubhouse and the golf course… but he didnt care… he would just shrug his shoulders and say ….as long as his his girls were happy and that he knew if there was ever an emergency…the fire dept KNEW where the PINK house was in the sea of beigey beigey coastal architectural …
he didnt care either… and lately it may or may not have been pointed out to me by a good friend that maybe i have….
under (what i like to think was) the guise of graciousness…
cared a bit tooo much about what some people think…
i have made excuses for people when they hurt my feelings
when they hurt my friends
when they were rude
i accepted half hearted apologies that i shouldnt have….
and well…
if 2009 has been about anything sugarbabies…its been about CHANGE and that means me too…i think i should paint more stuff pink…
im gonna try much harder to pay much more attention to the people in my life who deserve it…and god knows they have been patient with me… and much less attention to those that dont…
because i realize that sooo many folks in my life have let me paint their proverbial houses pink….
they have taken risks with me…
they have held their collective breathe for me…
they have wondered what the heck is she doing?
and why on earth is she doing it?
they have shaken their heads at me…. and they have said
“whatever makes you happy”
and they have meant it…
and to all of them i am sooo thankful…
and to the others…
i’m afraid i just dont have the time anymore…
youre on your own…
its kinda like my great aunt fern always said...
sugar…youre gonna reap what you sow…
and there is no way that your sour grapes are my fault…
or my problem any more….
xoxo
oh sugarbabies… a weekend is a terrrible thing to waste! whats that?? you dont have dinner plans?? no worries sugar…just follow these quick easy steps :
- get your hair done
- drop the top
- (this one is important) …get lost in great falls ( where the median home value 1.5million)
- agree to buy lunch in exchange for directions back to DC
- forget your wallet (doh!)
- agree to make it up to him and buy DINNER …IF he ever gets lost in your neck of the woods
- wait 24 hours for him to call saying he’s “lost” at the capital grille @ 6th and Pennsylvania
- agree to rescue him (and thank heavens you know a few of the staff so its not toooo weird that he somehow found your number -and trust me it aint easy-)
- pull a particularly sweet pair of pradas out of their box
- … let nature take its course….
xoxo
sugarbabies!!!
we have some catching up to do! so we better get started…
let me see… after what will be from hear on out known as the chipmunk assault of 09… during which Sex on Wheels was parked quietly minding her own business while i was traipsing about <read-taking the metro> (thats right bitchez!! in 2009 im alll about riding the PT Cruiser {Pub Trans} ) a family of those lil fuckers got busy and chewed all her hoses/wires/belts… now… i dont know if you have replaced hoses wires and belts on a sexy european sports car before (i have a feeling a few of you have) … but …it rang in at almost 6k..
holy rascally rodents batman!
damn.. there goes any sort of vacay this year right?? but NO …..thank you baby jesus… karma… fate ….or insurance adjuster who has a thing for blondes… but yeah …the insurance company covers it…. whod have guessd??!
whew…
sooooo…. while sex on wheels was suffering certain indiginties associated with rodents and a lube job…. i made my way… in my loaner car (a chevy equinox that had best not be the hope of the american car industry) to a dealer across town…just to …you know…
see what was sexy on his lot…
i ran my fingers over a red ferrari in the show room…and told him the make and model i was looking for… and…ummm… sir… she HAS to be convertable….
ah i have JUST the car for you! his eyes lit up….
after looking her over i pointed to another convertable across the lot…
Oh he said kind of hanging his head you prob dont want that one…its a manual transmission
silly boy… if there is one thing i know how to handle … its a stick…
i left…
more soon sugarbabies…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
evidently after a vodka tonic…a perfect sidecar…and a few stoli doli’s at the capital grille…i can be talked into almost anything…and thats how i ended up at a lingerie show…made exxxtra classy by the fact that not just the models but also the FOOD were supplied by the infamous -read: topless- …crystal city diner…
we arrived fashionably late…and i was soon whisked into the makeup tent… so that a solid B lister of an infamous DC drag queen could glam up my make up… sorry kids…i know i know…but i showed up with a (gasp) bare face… and well im all about keeping it sexy….so…. 10 min later i have what the drag queen is calling a “smokey eye” and what i refer to as tammy faye gone streetwalker… but… whatever… everybody looks pretty under hot pink lights…um ok…almost everybody…
smile sugarbabies
after fingering a bit of burlesque-y beaded bits from this boutique
and confirming that a certain vintage chanel ring i have can indeed be repaired with a cute georgetown jeweler….
i headed home… i was double dating (going out more more than once a night) … i finally rolled home and crashed around 3am…
at 7 am..
there was an unfamiliar nuzzle on the back of my neck…
umm.. oh hai! iz forgot youze here…
the older gentleman next to me was asking for a morning romp…. i found the leash …threw my fur coat over my sweats … & we headed out… for a quick jaunt to the nearest flower box for some business… i figured folks were looking at how his fur kinda matched my fur…. and noting that his “pimp walk” (read: hip dysplasia ) was tight and thinking to myself….
yeah bitchez we coordinate…. and …wow my head hurts bad…
yeah… ummm it didnt even occur to me…
that last nights “smokey eye” had slid about an inch to the left and a half inch down…
the only thing i can say…is …umm…if you noticed a homeless looking cruellla deville walking the streets of dc bleary eyed with a gimpy older pup on sunday morn ….ummm my bad… im sorry sugarbabies….but being a sex kitten…. well…it is not ALL bon bons and bacon…
xoxo
sugarbabies….
you know what vexes me about the anti abortion movement???
they swell their numbers with children…they bus in thousands middle school and high schoolers… like it is a sort of macabre field trip…and use them to inflate their numbers…what are the kids supposed to do???…it is their chance to “come to Wash DC”… to me …it is a bit like enlisting child soldiers…using brainwashed emotionally vulnerable children to fight your battles doesnt seem right… yeah ummmm its a complex issue busing in your babies seems ummmm…. not ok…
and on a side note…gathering under my window to shout orders to your child soldiers at 630 am…also not ok…for some reason….of alll the protests that go on here….they are the only ones that consistently get this bit wrong…
sooooo ummmm sugarbabies if you happened to notice a sleepy eyed scantily dressed sex kitten on the stoop this morning…pointing out to the leaders of this particular crowd…that if they moved two feet to the left they would be shouting in front of an empty lot and NOT my bedroom window……yeah….ummm maybe i should have put on a robe or a snuggie or something…but… umm whatever…. my way worked….i mean…you shoulda seen em…. i had their FULL attention…
maybe i should have shouted something more poignant….than “get off my lawn”
xoxo
sweeeet glory sugarbabies….
its was cold down there on the front row with all those sweaty lil hockey players…im soo glad that at the last min i threw on the fur (its getting lots of use these days)… cause really wearing a jersey seems a little bourgeois …and well….im not the type to “blend in” at a sporting event…but thats another story…anyway…
semin isnt how i spell it
Semin isnt how i spell it …but…whatevs… he IS adorable….
and so is this one…
why hellllllo sugarrrrr baby.......
do i give a shit know anything about hockey…umm…no…
but its still fun to:
glam up the house with your fur coat…
champagne cocktails and to
hear a few whispers of who is she? & did you see her shoes?
(lovies: bright red pradas are the only TEAM colored items i own)
to have your messages thrown up on the “jumbotron”…
all that AND i managed to keep my hair out of the guy behind mes beer…
(although he admitted to some close calls and to keeping it close to his chest)
yeah our team lost…but….no worries sugarbabies…it didnt put a damper on the afterparty….
seriously kids….i party…so you dont have to….
xoxo
sugarbabies…
if..
- you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies” because maybe…
- you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
- you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
- cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
- sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …
and here is the lesson kids….
grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
i’m pregnant….i know its the last thing you expected…me too….
Happy New Year
ok ok
im just messing with you…but realllly i do mean the happy new year thing.. and im wishing alll kinds of good (and naughty) things for you all in the new year..
i just talked to my Dr. and im pretty sure that the INSANE case of PMS that i’ve had for several weeks that caused me to cry uncontrollably for almost a week…awesomeness… is merely the result of the new pill she put me on..
“oh yeah thats a common side effect” …..she told me alll casually…
like i hadnt spent the last few weeks believing myself to be completely loosing my grip …doing alll i could to avoid friends and parties…and… generally feeling like a blonder ann sexton (with better shoes of course)….
fucking the hells??
bitch couldnt have mentioned that????????
i decided to hate her..but…..i suck at that sooo i just burst into tears…
to which she replied…
im calling the pharmacy now… new pills AND some valium…
see… now i heart her…
soo if the mood swings dont kill me.. ill be blaming my red eyes on the chlorine….. as i head down to sit on santas lap in the swanky hot tubs of miami..
you kids dont wait up
xoxo
…great…
of course….asking the printer to actuallly work would be wayyyy tooo much… fuck christmas cards…
i need to eat something….what time is it??
3:00…..christ… ive only eaten some grated cheddar…no wonder i have this fucking throbbing headache….
ipod: My Life with The Thrill Kill Kult: ….as soon as i can im getting out of here….
yeah i need to get outta here…where are my shoes???…no…. not those….no i think i want the tall boots…the pointy dior ones with five inch stiletto heels…i havent worn those in a while….christ… this closet is cluttered….
do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning
here they are… god damn they hurt my feet… perfect…last time my toe nails scrunched up against my toes and when i took these fuckers off my feet were a bloody mess….
glamour is a rocky road….
perfect…. thats exactly what i want… fuck fuck fuck….
Skin flicks… lipstick… baby scribbles in the mirror…
i need the “narrow at the ankle” skinny jeans…good thing i did laundry…
and the thigh high “socks” OVER the jeans…yep…
damn these boots are hot ….i should wear them more often…but fuck me
drama overdoses….
yeah …they still reallllly hurt my feet…
i dont care…. i wanna wear em anyway…im looking forward to the hurt..
it feels kinda good…
no good isnt the word….what is it??? they feelll ____???? welll…. i feel…..
i FEEL a LOT….. these days…its too much…. id rather just feel my feet….even if its cause they hurt..
chickie babys gone off the deep end
pain….plain ole predictable foot pain… that im in CONTROL of….
is almost…whats the word??????…. comforting…
and then he hit me …and it felt like a kiss…
no not comforting….but well…it beats….{ha a pun…i rock}……yeah it beats the shit out of any inner turmoil crap….
god damn…..ive had an emotionally exhausting few days….
i just wanna turn it all offf!! offf…offff….offf
change get back to the beginning…
i do not have time to psycho analyze my relationship with a pair of designer dominatrix boots…..
i wanna get outta here…now…
change… go back to the beginning…
emotional honesty as bravery…. or vanity…..seriously??? for fucks sake im shaking …
i want out of here….
thoughtless words are like shadows…
where the fuck is my overnight bag???
where is my phone???
hey beeotch…no not too good… i could prob use that…can you bring some valium?… feel like fish???
ok… see you in an hour …ish… bye.
god dammit im outta soda pop…
i’ll go to burger king on my way out…but christ i want to get out of here…now…now…
from a world where words… are like graven images
zip these fucking boots up…
yeah im feeling a little bad ass….ill wear the red leather jacket….looks cute with my t-shirt….
bag? check.
lip gloss? check.
credit cards? check.
cell phone? check.
turn off the heat.. Check.
damn… the flowers… they need to go to the trash… fuck.. i dont want to take the time… i want to leave NOW… fuck ‘em and fuck him tooo…
we talk …we twist …we turn …we blow our circuits….
ok im out…
—- whats that guy doing?? — Christ on a Stick… hes peeing on my building….great…just ignore him walk away…walk away..
no he didnt just call me sweetness….
fuck hes gonna pee on me! ….
” yeah i see your junk… put it away… NOW”
it could’ve been you..it could’ve been me…
@ burger king walk up window: “can i get a large diet soda?”
FUCK-ing-A…. he did NOT follow me here with his shit…still out…. christ….i *heart* dc i *heart* dc
“Hell no… im not buying you shit! put your junk away before i call the cops…im not fucking kidding!! you just tried to piss on me! fucking cocksucker if you dont put it away ill get that cop!
butterscotch!!! you fucker ….walk to the garage dont run..walk… walk…dont run …walk …dont run…
buses… roadies… a concert is loading in… i dont care i want out of here….i want out before the crowd shows up….
where did i park?? oh… hi baby… unlock…slide down behind the wheel… push the ipod into the holster…
change… get back to the beginning…in the hour of zero
fuck my head is throbbing… turn the music up louder… louder…louder…ah….
born into a life where pain is your very best friend…
fuck… missed the light…there is L-bomb’s place WTF is up with him???… he left his business card on my windshield last week…WTF do i do with that??? …fucking great…green light green light green light..i want to go…i want out of here…
one life…one fire… get back to the beginning…
unmarked car rolling up behind me… fucking helll…. whew…its just “columbian hottys” husband…. he prob wants to know if im gonna mention seeing him {redacted} his secret is safe with me…. thats between them…. nod back to him…nod… asshole….
this town is toooo fucking small….
its the way of the wicked…
green light green light green light… peel out…if unmarked wants to stop me… he’ll have to catch me… i wanna be doing 90… i wanna be going fast….i wanna be over that bridge…
theres no time for love….
im not one of the brave ones… and im not sure if im vain….maybe i am… but now…right now…. all i want is to run… all i can think about is running… im running… again… but dammmmnit… i have no idea where im going…
theres no time for love… where the wild ones live..
xoxo
****editors note****
i felt much better after two drinks a valium and some grilled tilapia in lemon butter sauce… and no worries…i just cuss a heck of a lot more in my head…than when i talk..
xoxo
hi sugarbabies…
no worries loves…the birch sexy firewood arrived in time… of course it wasnt quite cold enough for a fire in the fireplace sooo..it just sat next to the fireplace…looking sexy… (the firewood…not me silly) i was busy serving assorted pies and booze to any that i could cajole into such sinful pursuits… old people and babies entertained each other while the college kids made out in the “boom boom room”…and the mid life crisis’ had too much of the pricey wine and passed out earlyish….
alll in all it was a perfect thanksgiving…
keeping it sexy
18 turned into twenty for dinner … (thats right bitchez dinner for twenty and we stillll managed to keep it sexy!!!) and then grew a bit as the cocktail hour stretched on … the drugstore pony kept the kiddies entertained… yes-i have a drugstore pony and hes hooked up to a light switch so you dont even have to drop a quarter in ..you can ride for as looong as you want to..or until the music drives you crazy… (best.investment.ever) … the college kids were happy to dj and tip back any unattended booze … the older folks cooed over the babies..the tweens chased the toddlers …the mommies got drunk…the daddies packed leftovers…
and… me … well i …watched it all …with a vodka tonic in one hand a microfiber cloth tucked into the pocket of my silk skirt (im stilll ocd mind you) and the realization that the ONLY reason to have a house….is… it to fill it to capacity with love, music, friends, family, good food, great booze, and all things sexy…
as often as possible…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
last night after work i drove home…
to a small town in a battleground state…
but my smalll town isnt like most small towns in america…
it doesnt worry about the things most small towns in america worry about…the plant closing, or the price of groceries rising, or how much it costs to fill up the car this week… no my small town…isnt like most
its subsidized
its really a village supported almost entirely by rich folks (realllly reallly rich folks like Rockefeller and Getty rich folks) who like the
“idea” of a small town ….
the idea of change…not so much….
the rich are different… take it from me… i know…
i also know that
if you look realllly hard…and trust me you have to look hard… under the perfectly aged patina, past that perfectly “distressed in just the right way” veneer…you can find small town america in my little village…
its in the faces of the cooks, the grooms, the housekeepers, the farriers, and the stone masons that keep those stone walls straight and just so…
so yeah my neighbors subsidize a gourmet organic butcher shop, and a more expensive than whole foods type small grocer… and tonight they cross their fingers cause the mood is slightly downcast and as a cold drizzle falls…the rich sip french onion soup in front of a cozy fire, in an ancient hearth, that is kept burning by a giddy young boy with curly dark hair, smiling eyes and…
the knowledge that one day…he reallly could be president…
sooo today i voted for you william… -best fire stoker in the state- now you be careful, watch out for the sparks, do your homework, and dont stay up too late…ill be back soon and i have a feeling that we might have something to high five about
xoxo
dear sugarbabies…..
the top 10 quotes from the weekend:
10: “lets totalllly do something cheap tonight” followed a few hours later later with: “ummm we are gonna need ANOTHER bottle of Dom P. please”
9 i just rocked the red roof inn… where is the limo?
8 we have commandeered a prom vehicle!
7 me: “put the bottle of vodka in your purse” ….
freckles: “ok but its uuugh PEACH”
6) me: we went shoe shopping @ Neiman Marcus…thats more intimate than sex….
rothko: ummm dont worry he prob still thinks the sex is more intimate
5) Butterscotch is my safe word
4) there is my favorite blond one! …(flattery and vodka tonics will get you everywhere)
3) we have rented a mansion on 16th st and we are planning a “rager” wanna come??? (OMG!! LNS has moved into my building!! )
2) i cant plan until i find a pair of sequined booty shorts
and drumrollllllll plllleeeaaaasssseee….. the NO. 1 Quote of the weekend comes from our friend freckles:
1) tell the driver to pull right up to the door….i want to show my Brittney
sugarbabies i party so you dont have to…
xoxo
hey look what i found!! your Halloween costume!!… yall bitchez are looking yummmmy and ummm a little slutty…cool
sugarbabies
xoxo
sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…
Now where to begin??????
maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:
“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and quietly judging me”
or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…
“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”
seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money??? have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….
he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)
so theres that…
you say bitch...like its a bad thing...
or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace…
(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)
i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….
i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….
i am verrrrry smoooooth….
xoxo
sugarbabies…
there are a LOT of reasons to buy original artwork…. one of my faves is …cause they ship it wrapped in enough bubble wrap to cover the ENTIRE bed….
xoxo
sugarbabies
since my two favorite cooks here and here havent yet posted a recipe/directions…and because my favorite restaurant consultant hasnt pointed me toward a local source that can provide what i need…what we allll need … today i took drastic measures… and sent the following note:
10.02.2008
via fax: (910) xxx-xxxx
{confidential source redacted bitchez !!}
Dear Mike;
It has recently come to my attention that you sell a famous Chocolate 10 Layer Cake… This is the best news I’ve received in months. My name is {redacted}. I grew up in NC; sadly I don’t get back home often enough. When I was a kid we bought a 10 Layer Cake every Sat at the farmers market. It was awesome.
Nowadays…. I live in Washington DC. I’m not sure if you have heard but lately …well… folks have not been getting along real well here. There is literally arguing in the halls, and even in the fancy steak restaurants. If only we could end the partisan bickering!! I really feel like it would be hard for them to argue if they were eating 10 Layer Chocolate Cake. WHO isnt happy eating a 10 Layer Chocolate Cake??? If I only I could get my hands on a 10 Layer Chocolate Cake- I am pretty sure we could avert a National Financial Disaster!!
I guess this is just a long way of asking:
Can Y’all Ship Those Things???
Sincerely,
p.s. no pressure but global economic stability may very well depend on your answer…
**UPDATE** 10 layers of goodness in transit….yeah thats right TEN LAYERS bitchez!!
i dropped my fave MARNI platform stilettos off at the cobbler this morning for a little sole soul…
i feel like a mom who just left her baby at the first day of kindergarten…
i know they will be ok…but i have to keep telling myself that the cobbler is qualified, and that the funny looks were just because they obviously think anyone wearing THOSE shoes and driving THAT car is a stripper …and they feel sorry for me ’cause im getting a bit old to be stripping for a living…NOT because they were planning to steal my shoes…
xoxo
sugarbabies….
blogs are funny things…and while innately narcissistic… sometimes …they do manage to provide a bit of perspective…and well…a weekend full of funerals…can do that too….sooo with that in mind…what i realllly want to say IS…
sometimes….i really only feel compelled to blog when crazy or negative stuff is going on…kinda as way to sort through it…mentally put it in a box post and file it away…… and even though things are far from perfect…in the big picture…youd be hard pressed to find a girl as lucky as me…and i wouldnt want ANYONE who stumbled on this little ole blog … to EVER think otherwise…
there isnt much in my life to complain about…yes there are bumps in the road…but… every day…i say a little thank you to the fates because… seriously…
i NEVER want to take for granted alll the reallly reallly good things/people in my life…
…lifes yin/yang cycle has been pretty evident, of late…
and while i lost good friends…folks that can not be replaced…
the fates have also seen fit to introduce really good people into my life recently…
and well…
its hard to not see the cyclical nature of things…when you and your friends are:
attending funerals AND weddings,
bar mitzvahs, baptisms, AND remembrance services for 9-11
enjoying both family dinners round a big table AND date nights in smokey lil clubs with a good band, shiner bock and marios pizza,
when you get the opportunity to bump around in an old pickup truck AND cruise the GW parkway topless in Sex on Wheels…
and while the economy is uncertain….right now…at this very moment…alll of my bills are paid and there is a little change in the bank…
and oh yeah…. last week i got to watch a little art porn AND some football…
the redskins even won on sunday…
…life IS good…
although …it would be okay with me if the fates would take a teeeny little bit of interest in my fantasy football team…cause evidently… choosing players based on handsomeness….while making for an awesome FANTASY…kinda makes for a sucky FOOTBALL team…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
gambling…is addictive…
“roll the dice…sex,drugs, and rock n roll are my only vice….” -Everlast
im not usually one to gamble… i work hard for my money… so ..im pretty careful bout how i spend it…and well… i know the odds… and …thats what usually keeps me from gambling… MOST of the TIME…
..but…on occasion i get lured into a game… usually …if im tempted..
its with house money… nuthin to lose…those are pretty good odds…
even a sex kitten has a hard time saying no…
…but a kitten has to be careful…
because sometimes… the house money runs out… and if you arent done with the game…
you catch yourself investing a bit of your own…
and thats when…things get dangerous…
and kittens get skittish…
and …
well…
trips out of town get booked… and car keys get tossed about carelessly…
and the housekeeper starts shaking her head at the frequent requests for linen changes…
im afraid im not a brave girl…
and when that happens…i push back from the table..
i’m not sure i can afford to lose…
maybe i shouldnt have sat down at all….
and.. now here i am…in too deep to walk away….but…not far enough
to know if winning is really possible …
whats winning anyway??
the last one at the table??? the biggest bank roll at the end of the night???
maybe “winning” …
is just getting to play the game…getting invited to sit at the high stakes table….
and maybe just maybe …i should consider….
plunking down some cold hard emotional cash….
xoxo
sugarbabies….
lots of stuff in life these days….is fast…and getting faster…
sex on wheels cruises nicely around 90… and my new aircard (when i can get all four bars) is lightning fast (woot!)…summer…flew by like it was on a rocket…
now dont get me wrong…most days..i love the fast lane…
it may be where i feel most comfortable…its what im used to…i rarely sleep in the same bed more than two or three nights in a row…
but then there are the other days…
when you just wanna slam on the brakes..and catch your breathe… and maybe… stay in bed alllll day…tangled up in sweaty sheets with a lanky cowboy…
and on those days…well…sometimes it feels like im just doing what i can to hold on…
sooo….while its not uncommon to find me running through an airport… this time…
amazingly…
i couldnt tell you WHY i was running…
i wasnt late…
i had my ticket…
i had cleared security…
i had a good thirty min til the first boarding call…
but i definitely felt compelled
…to run…
and well… ask ANYONE who knows me…. running….is NOT something i do…
nope…
i cant think of a single time before … when i have ever felt compelled to run…
mild OCD causes me to rearrange the fridge more often than i like to admit…but …running…not so much
yet…here i was…
5 inch louboutins be damned…tumi bag over my shoulder…running…
i just wish i knew…
…sugarbabies…
if i was running AWAY from or TOWARD…
…something…
and while i cant be sure…
truthfully ….
i suspect it was a little of both…
xoxo
“Ive got a little mama she is really built for speed
all shes got to do is ask me & i give her what she needs
she likes to take my hot rod out at night
she likes to park it where its dark and tight..
faster faster pussycat lets go…
faster faster..she dont want to go slow…”
-Pink & Black
sugarbabies..
take notes :
dont let any of the following facts stop the party:
- its a weekday…and the sun is coming up….
- that you both have to be at work in a few hours….(but babies…that poor thing he didnt quite make it into the office….bless his heart)
- that you have a plane to catch (another one leaves every two hours)
- that you have made out soo hard..that you have rubbed your nose raw….on his scruffy bits...(mmmmeoooowrrr…dont you just love boys sometimes…)
- that you need to leave a note for the housekeeper that says “boom chika wah wah” which loosely translates to “please wash the sheets”
and oh yeah…having one boy bring you coffee at 6 am so that you can be awake enough to have another boy bring you coffee at 7am….is wrong on sooo many levels…but …its what happened this morning…
and silly me…i thought mondays were good…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
evidently….i can be talked into just about annnny thing after enough wine and vodka….and if… after finishing off a decent bottle of red…i have a few vodka tonics….the idea might even be mine…
note to self: if you hare too tipsy to get your eyelashes on in three or four tries…for the love of all that is holy…stay home…curl up with some netflix…
soooo….
where were we??
- oh yes i was dwinking….check
- false eyelashes…check
- chanel lip gloss… check
- big barbarella hair…oh snap…check
- shoes that make mothers everywhere cry for their baby boys…. check
and im out the door… and in no time flat im… on a dance floor across town…
teasing more than my share of boys annnnd girls….
until a smarmy dude corners me at the bar and tells me im booooteeful…
umm thanks dude…
and that his wife (a tall blond in a low cut red dress … that looks like shed rather be in a turkish prison ….than this place)… lllurves me…..ok….cool…look i just wanted to dance and have a bit of fun..im not reallly into this stuff….
when over walks the party promoter…and calls me by name…hey suicide…we have misssed you!!!
….uhhh great….
i must have been reallllly fucked up…. because later i start gettting text messages from the smarmy swinger dude saying he has a saucy idea!!….somebody shoot me….
“lets exchange some pics …but only from the waste down….”
ewwwwww…. dude that is gross…i mean from the waist down is creepy …from the “waste” down…. welll…. we just wont go there… though…. i was tempted to send him a wicked pic of my kneecap… which everrrryone knows is my best feature…
this must have been what prompted me to throw my phone in a sewer drain….or whatever i did with it…cause the next morning…i have no idea where that lil piece of my heart has ended up…
and god must be punishing me….because my mac wont boot…im totalllly isolated…. AND i have to pack and leave town in less than two hours…
god bless….the business plan that now has the radio shack in my hood open at 9am on Sundays!! they found me a deal…googled an address for me… AND had a new blackberry in my grubby little paws…all in under 20 min….mad props…to the little kids employees in there who were soo helpful despite their own lil hangover issues!!…
soooo….anyway…that is a realllllly long way of saying…. if you know me …text me… cause right now i dont even have my mamma’s number…
xoxo
Take A Shot