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sugarbabies…
im not usually a “joiner” but.. who could say no to the
4th annual silent poetry reading its …umm…TODAY!
be sure to pop around the blogosphere and see who else is posting poetry today…Start here or here trust me sugarbabies… poetry is sexy… and according to
Punxatawney Phil we are gonna be cooped up for a few more weeks…soo..
today is a good day to give it a go…..
Her Kind
I have gone out, a possessed witch
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.
I have found the warm caves in the woods,
filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,
closets, silks, innumerable goods;
fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:
whining, rearranging the disalign.
A woman like that is misunderstood.
I have been her kind.
I have ridden in your cart, driver,
waved my nude arms at villages going by,
learning the last bright routes, survivor
where your flames still bite my thigh
and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.
A woman like that is not ashamed to die.
I have been her kind.
-Anne Sexton
AND just one more… cause i know you dont reallly wannna get back to work just yet…
Desire
in my dreams
I hold my lovers
next to me all at once
and ask them
what was it I desired?
my hands are full
of their heads
like bunches of cut roses
blond hair, brown hair, red, black,
their eyes are pools of bewilderment
staring up at me
from the bouquet
what was it I desired?
I ask again
was it your bodies?
did I hope by draping
your flesh over me
I could escape
boredom
loneliness
gray hairs shooting
towards me
from the future
like thin arrows?
did I think I could escape,
by taking your breath
into my mouth,
did I think I could escape
the responsibility
of breathing?
what did I desire in you?
sex
knowledge?
power?
love?
did I expect the clouds to
crack
and blue moths to fly out of the stars?
did I expect a voice
to call to me
saying
“Here at last is the answer.”
what
I yell at them
shaking my lovers
what did I desire in you?
their ears fall off like petals
they shed their faces
in a pile at my feet
their bewildered eyes
pucker and close
centers of fallen flowers
the last face
floats down
circling in the darkness
at my feet
what did I desire in you? I whisper
the stems of their bodies
dry in my hands
– Mary Mackey
ok ok…i gave up fighting with wordpress to make this thing look half decent …i know its hard to read…but i think good poems…like good girls/boys…are worth a little struggle…
xoxo
sugarbabies…
if..
- you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies” because maybe…
- you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
- you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
- cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
- sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …
and here is the lesson kids….
grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…
xoxo
sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…
Now where to begin??????
maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:
“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and quietly judging me”
or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…
“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”
seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money??? have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….
he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)
so theres that…
you say bitch...like its a bad thing...
or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace…
(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)
i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….
i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….
i am verrrrry smoooooth….
xoxo
oh sugarbabies…
its not easy keeping sex on wheels sexy…or on wheels for that matter…. seems she likes her tires like i like my shoes…expensive and italian…and also like me… she wears em out quick…as in …i just put tires on her in November…yes sugarbabies… thats right…its not complicated “delegate math”….barely five months… cause evidently expensive high performance tires….like expensive high platform stilettos… are NOT in any sense of the word…practical…
and i wouldnt have it any other way….
sooo….. i dropped sex on wheels off at the auto repair shop dayspa….and handed the keys over to a the professional auto fixer dude anxious pimply faced boy…as he took the keys i apologized for how dirty she was…i know i know like me…. you kids are awful…he smiled and said he had seen dirtier…which kinda cracked me up ..cause i can assure you…. im prob the dirtiest thing that that poor kid will EVER SEE….. but whats a girl to do..i smiled coyly…batted my eyelashes and left them alone…a few hours later… i picked her up…
- new tires
- oil changed (im leaving the lube job joke to uncle keith…hes better at them than me…but i do want to remind him that her engine IS in the REAR)
- and freshly washed and waxed…. (inset your own joke here…some of them are just too easy….i cant do ALLLL the work for y’all)
and i swear… after an afternoon with sex on wheels… when i pulled out ( its like christmas here for uncle keith today) of there….it seemed to me… that the kid… had weee bit of swagger…i whispered to sex on wheels….
SUGAR…our job here is done….
xoxo
sugababies…
i cant remember the last time i had sex…
sad… i know…
meanwhile my electric bill has tripled…go figure…
maybe the dry spell is because
ive been sick… for like a solid month…flu-eeeww
OR maybe
because ive been traveling …though now that i think about it… that rarely stops me …
…i kinda heart -on the road sex-
not IN the ROAD sex..although ok ok id prob like that too… but yeah..umm where was i?? On the Road Sex…yeah… its great..
- nobody wants to be your “boyfriend”… AND
- nobody goes looking for your blog…
… its not not as good as my HITACHI…. but hell…so few things in life are….dear baby jebus..thank you for the hitachi …i*heart* it very very much….
but seriously…even if it is only to get Al Gore and his team of smaller carbon footprint hippies…off my back *so to speak*…..
i should realllly get laid….soon…..
ok..ok… back to our regularly scheduled programming…
things i heart:
i cant believe nobody invented this before now!
its vodka WITH caffine…
now there is no need for me to drink coffee in the morning!!! i can go straight to vodka tonics with no reservations….and its pretty…
the lobster mac and cheese… still my fave comfort food… add the
bombe chocolate bombe and…
well this blond..is in a lil culinary comfort coma… not to mention snuggling in their bar all cozy and candlelit watching the world walk by freezing their nuts off… is a great way to spend an evening and a couple of hundred bucks….
i know my life is really great… because i can honestly say that some days…the biggest decision i have to make.. is…
lemon + sage OR vanilla + bergamot (its a fruit thing..i had to google it too)
but then i love all bliss…
call me a bliss junkie…
who can resist
soft, slippery AND smells good… whats not love??
and last but certainly not least….
i heart this place…
these folks will set you up on a date in like fifteen min!..i know… i know….
it sounds a little dangerous… but damn….. y’all know me… i like that in a date!
xoxo
hi sugarbabies…..
i had a post allll about my weekend and putting up the vintage aluminum christmas tree… and how i got some cowboys to help me…and the speeding ticket …. that would have been “reckless” ’cause well you know…..evidently i changed lanes something like 7 times in three miles…and at speeds over 75mph…. i didnt tell him i would have been doing about 95 BUT i was texting someone….
ok yeah..well nevermind about alll that…. cause….*sigh* last night…i found the PuuuuRFECT trench coat… you know ….tan …shoulder epaulets … a perfectly proportioned collar…belted… just the right length (neverrr happens)… the poor thing is just beggging….as in on its knees …. for some dark glasses ….. and naughty underthings…..
a christmas freaking miracle…..
ahh…. im sooo in love……
xoxo
sugarbabies..
its all about size..right??? sooo over the weekend…..i convinced bribed a boy…with promises of porn filled evenings… if he would go with me to buy a reallllly big television porn player… (“sex on wheels” can only handle about 18″ …. which …is not that big in the world of porn)…. sooo we climbed into his truck and headed to Virginia….where tvs are bigger and taxes are lower….
but alas….it seems jesse janes dvd
is sooo hot it freaked out the built in dvd player in the new porn player(pp).
worst part…. the machine wouldnt give back the disc it had swallowed… a primo piece of andrew blake…art porn…
so what did we do??? naturally … we stuck ANOTHER movie in the slot… (insert your own “slot” joke here)
you can guess what a good plan that turned out to be…
now the fucker had TWO good dvds…and…
refused to barf em back out…great….
sooo..we decided the new pp was prob. cursed… morman… or at the very least anal retentive…im pretty sure thats what freud say bout it swallowing my porn…and not “returning” it…right???
we boxed that whack job back up….and hauled the monstrosity back to the store…
porn and all..
the GEEK SQUAD was called in to try to retrieve the dvds from the locked jaws of the new porn player…but….
they were not successful…
bad strategy on my part..i told em what was in there…..like they were gonna try very hard after they heard that…i bet soon as i left..they ripped that bastard apart…
soooo
a new porn player (pp) was purchased…
and socks…
ahhhh…life is good…
when your feet are warm and your pp is working…
xoxo
sugar babies…
have you ever had one of those days…
the kind where you are getting ready to go out.. AND watching I LOVE NEW YORK… and sooo you decide..yeah..i should totallly wear some bad a$$ shoes and false eyelashes tonight…yeah… that is sooo what jenna jameson would do…
and then you get the glue in your eye… and while technically this shouldnt blind you… you begin to wonder if that is actually the case….so you sit down on the bed..waiting for your eye to stop tearing…
and then you start talking on the phone…
and then you realize you are running late…so you grab some lip gloss and head out the door…
and then you think..wow…i must look smoking hot in these fake eyelashes cause everyone is sooo checking me out….
and then you find your girlfriend at the bar….
and then she starts digging around in her bag and comes up with a mirror….
and then she wordlessly hands it to you…
and THEN you realize… you forgot to put on the other eyelash…
and THEN…you think…ummm… maybe just maybe….youre the ONLY person this shit happens to
xoxo
hi sugarbabies…
have i mentioned my love hate relations ship with Cockcast, my theoretical cable supplier?? no??.. really??
it is almost 10:30 am…..i am waiting for the cable repair man “technician” they like to be called techs now……. for the second time in two weeks mind you… the window today was from 8 – 11 am…..no kidding….i dont see 8 am that often… its not sooo bad…… sooo i wake up …early ugh… run up the street for coffee…. and get a polite confirmation phone call from headquarters…note..if you miss the phone call your appt is voided… she told me the tech would call me when he was on his way….again if you miss the call… your appt is voided…. when i asked if they were sending me the hot one…that is in all those cinemax movies…she laughed… and said..umm… prob. not…
great… all this and i prob still wont be able to work that cable guy fantasy out of my system……..sooo..ive beeen completely paranoid all morning….about missing “The Call”…... sooo…
cant get in the shower..might miss the call….
took phone with me to the toilet….. dont want to miss the call
got completely irrational about the possibility that my phone could fall into the toilet.. and i would umm..you guessed it….miss the call..
all this and …i dont have cable… so my tv choices are limited to…. charmed….yeah the one with shannon dougherty, alyssa milano , and the chick nobody knows…. OR…
Walker Texas Ranger…..
i guess you know i HAD to go with Chuck Norris… i mean..it IS CHUCK NORRIS..
sooo now im watching Walker Texas Ranger..afraid to go to the bathroom…and out of coffee…
this is too pathetic….
i havent waited by the phone for a boy since…um… the eighties… ok ok..maybe last week…
xoxo
thinner isnt always better…
oh sugarbabies…in the past i have always subscribed to the “never too rich or too thin” school of thought.. but this thin thing.. i have re-thought… i work with a girl who is too thin…we alll cringe when she wears a skirt and her leeeetle toothpicks are on display….the poor little thing..i NEVER thought i would EVER say anybody was tooo thin..but there she is… and now…
it has happened ….to …*sigh*… one of our favorite pornstars… poor little jenna jameson …is too thin..and recently looks too strung out to be considered sexy or even pretty at the moment… poor little thing…
i hope she gets help soon… she got a great new haircut..but she followed it up with crazy collagen lip job ewww… her facelift “eye-lift”looks just gross too… and she has crossed into ana territorty…
sooooo…. at least till she gets some help…sorry love …(and she cant be tooo disapointed since technically she IS retired)… you are not my favorite pornstar anymore…. you couldnt hold the spot forever…
we both knew that….
and you had a good run..
really you did…..
but
the crown is getting passed to ……*drumroll please*……
jesse jane… (yeah, yeah, yeah…. big surprise….. i know…)
there was some of her stuff waiting for me when i got home from Texas… (screw netflix…subscribe to a “movie by mail service” with some balls people)
i think the lesson here…is not about getting old… but about being comfortable with yourself…. and for whatever reason… jenna jameson clearly isnt comfortable with herself right now…..hell..i dont think anybody is comfortable with her right now.. that just isnt sexy people… not even a teeny little bit…
xoxo
Sugarbabies…
the shy should take cover…..JULIETTE HAS A GUN..
is now available in the US!!!!
im gonna have to actively seek sugar daddies..or mommies..that want me to smell sexy… cause …..oh sugarbabies have you ever seen anything that looked more like it B-F-ing-longs with me than….
this…
now available in the US at Henri Bendel..AND Fred Segal… and god bless fred segal..cause now they have opened an internets mecca for the few of us that DONT live in LA…. known simply and elegantly enough as..fredsegalbeauty.com…
y’all know that for the past few months…at night… i have been dropping to my knees…(not JUST for that you goofs) praying to the sweet baby jeeeesus to deliver unto me the new romano ricco scents…. mostly miss vengeance… but whatever…any of em..and now it seems he is listening to me!! How cool…i think i have a direct line… so if y’all have requests of the sweet baby jeeeesus..i will try to talk to him for you…
soooo..right now i hate wordpress… (and i rarely say hate…so you know im feeling passionately at the moment….)
but the wordpress-no- java-widget-nazis…. dont want me to smell sexy….and they are coming between me and the sweet baby jeeesus…. cause they wont let me add a tip jar to my side bar… soooo… im gonna be reduced to batting my eyelashes at boys in bars… and then slipping them the intel..
my holster is empty…. and im not the kinda girl that likes to get caught without a gun….
xoxo
oh sugar babies..im in texas…. Austin..Texas…mostly it is great… and dont get me wrong…its one of my verry fave places in the world…
the beer is cold, the food is hot, the music is live…
but you better get here fast……the face of austin is changing…and i cant imagine that it will be for the better…. it reminds me of poor jenna jamesons new face lift.. its trying too hard…pulled too tight…. the collagen doesnt help either..not that shes ugly..shes just not the same…shes over done…
the cranes over downtown Austin are slapping up luxury loft style conds everywhere…and the bungalows we’ve always adored here… are being torn down…granted they are putting in cool mod homes….and y’all know i have weakness for all things moderne…but… that only makes me more conflicted…
Austin has always been cool… BUT not necessarily hip.. cool doesnt go out of style… but things that are hip today..are by definition NOT hip tomorrow…. and the hip factor here is pretty high right now… and well…hip is heavy……. and austin might just find she is falling in on herself tomorrow…
in the meantime… im enjoying it while i can…. and having wayyyyy more fun than i deserve… and you should hurry up and get here while
- you can still find yourself in an old dance hall …with no AC…. drinking a beer..at 1pm….yeah!
- cowboys still wear starched shirts and ask you to dance
- football fans here are still fanatics.. hook em horns!
- you can still have a cigar with kinky…. i love kinky
- you can still hear steve earle & reckless kelly on the radio…
- you can still buy a nice little house for about 150k
- you can still get a migas plate at magnolias 24/8..sorry we’re open
- you can still get a Fat Bob..(a burger with a fried egg on it…no shit & its good as hell) at the hills cafe
- you can still get ANY food ..fried… including avacado and cheesecake…yummers…
i dont know what will happen in Austin.. but i sure do hope…she stays independent, spirited, and weird…
xoxo
I know.. i know… i shouldnt bring home a new boy …just …. because he is sexy… and because im impulsive… but.. this weekend that is just what i did…
and well…im soooo happy about it….
to be truthful…ive been eye-ing him from afar for a while now… and i even gave him a little consideration last year…but …i was afraid.. i was nervous about change… i was pretty invested in doing things the same old way… i didnt think i wanted the disruption of a new boy… but… i couldnt stop thinking about him…. and then by chance i ran into him while i was down in the A.R.L… maybe it was fate…thats how i saw it…. we just kind of connected….and he seemed perfect.. and sexy..did i mention sexy….and while i had gone out planning to return home alone… well… it didnt go down like that….
and… now that we’ve spent the weekend in bed.. watching tv together…getting to know each other…..
the last one.. didnt really like to “perform” in certain areas of the house…..
BUT this new boy…OMG… we were allll over the house together… and across the street at starbucks garnering envious glances… and putting on a kinda goofy PDA show…. and i just grinned…
go ahead ..be jealous bitches…hes allllll mine…
i know how some relationships… can be .. glorious and giddy in the beginning…(i cant wait to get home to him tonight!!!).. and then fade to an old familiarity… that gets dull.. and finally the flame flickers out….
i think that is what happened with the last one… we… just started to take each other for granted.. and in the end i was really resentful..of his neediness… him not really going places with me…. his constant need for ME to charge him up … and not being able to do the same for me… not being able to give me anything new…the relationship seemed sooo one sided…. he was always asking me for more more more..and giving less less less……that and he just wasnt sexy anymore…
so this weekend…… i jumped…
and told bill gates to go to hell… screw you and your f-ing whacked out VISTA… if im gonna buy all new software anyway… SCREW YOU……im gonna do it with my sexy new boyfriend…
xoxo
- charm school: coordinating your shoes with your handbag…
- porn school: coordinate your shoes with your knickers..
ok ok..freckles… we know you dont wear knickers… match em to your bra……..
trust me on this ladies …and for gods sake.. i dont have to tell you that i do NOT mean Flip Flops….
xoxo
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