essential sex kitten…2.0

sugarbabies…

if..

• you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies”  because maybe…
• you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
• you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
• cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
• sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …

and here is the lesson kids….

grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

hey look what i found!! your Halloween costume!!… yall bitchez are looking yummmmy and ummm a little slutty…cool

sugarbabies

xoxo

yes..im a bitch..whats your point??

sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…

Now where to begin??????

maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:

“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and  quietly judging me”

or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…

“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”

seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money???  have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….

he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)

so theres that…

you say bitch...like its a bad thing...

or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace…

(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)

i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….

i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….

i am verrrrry smoooooth….

xoxo

shipping to a sex kitten…

sugarbabies…

there are a LOT of reasons to buy original artwork…. one of my faves is …cause they ship it wrapped in enough bubble wrap to cover the ENTIRE bed….

xoxo

she wants to play hearts…(with house money)

sugarbabies..

take notes :

dont let any of the following facts stop the party:

• its a weekday…and the sun is coming up….
• that you both have to be at work in a few hours….(but babies…that poor thing he didnt quite make it into the office….bless his heart)
• that you have a plane to catch (another one leaves every two hours)
• that you have made out soo hard..that you have rubbed your nose raw….on his scruffy bits...(mmmmeoooowrrr…dont you just love boys sometimes…)
• that you need to leave a note for the housekeeper that says “boom chika wah wah” which loosely translates to “please wash the sheets”
  

and oh yeah…having one boy bring you coffee at 6 am so that you can be awake enough to have another boy bring you coffee at 7am….is wrong on sooo many levels…but …its what happened this morning…

and silly me…i thought mondays were good…

xoxo

a sex kitten in swingtown…

sugarbabies…

evidently….i can be talked into just about annnny thing after enough wine and vodka….and if… after finishing off a decent bottle of red…i have a few vodka tonics….the idea might even be mine…

note to self: if you hare too tipsy to get your eyelashes on in three or four tries…for the love of all that is holy…stay home…curl up with some netflix…

soooo….

where were we??

• oh yes i was dwinking….check
• false eyelashes…check
• chanel lip gloss… check
• big barbarella hair…oh snap…check
• shoes that make mothers everywhere cry for their baby boys…. check

and im out the door… and in no time flat im… on a dance floor across town…

teasing more than my share of boys annnnd girls….

until a smarmy dude corners me at the bar and tells me im booooteeful…

umm thanks dude…

and that his wife (a tall blond in a low cut red dress … that looks like shed rather be in a turkish prison ….than this place)… lllurves me…..ok….cool…look i just wanted to dance and have a bit of fun..im not reallly into this stuff….

when over walks the party promoter…and calls me by name…hey suicide…we have misssed you!!!

….uhhh great….

i must have been reallllly fucked up…. because later i start gettting text messages from the smarmy swinger dude saying he has a saucy idea!!….somebody shoot me….

“lets exchange some pics …but only from the waste down….”

ewwwwww…. dude that is gross…i mean from the waist down is creepy …from the “waste” down…. welll…. we just wont go there… though…. i was tempted to send him a wicked pic of my kneecap… which everrrryone knows is my best feature…

this must have been what prompted me to throw my phone in a sewer drain….or whatever i did with it…cause the next morning…i have no idea where that lil piece of my heart has ended up…

and god must be punishing me….because my mac wont boot…im totalllly isolated…. AND i have to pack and leave town in less than two hours…

god bless….the business plan that now has the radio shack in my hood open at 9am on Sundays!! they found me a deal…googled an address for me… AND had a new blackberry in my grubby little paws…all in under 20 min….mad props…to the little kids employees in there who were soo helpful despite their own lil hangover issues!!…

soooo….anyway…that is a realllllly long way of saying…. if you know me …text me… cause right now i dont even have my mamma’s number…

xoxo

and this is what the devil does…

sugar babies…

around one thirty in the morning…the atmosphere at the bar had gone from mellow to….well …you could feel… the soft touch of desperation rolling slowly in…kinda smoke like..gathering in corners and spreading out…. under the swanky lounge chairs and … curling up … toward the bar…

……no wait…that is REAL smoke…oh yeah….im in virginia they still smoke out here….how did i get out here??? jeeezuz…. somebody shoot me… oh yeah…he offered to drive…

girls were forcing laughs…their faces shiny… their lipstick had turned garish… when they leaned back against the divans…they closed their eyes… and you could tell that for them… the room was spinning… more from the cocktails than the dj

the boys were feeling the pressure to make a move soon…or be resigned to going home solo… so they were kicking up their game… and being more touchy feely than they had been earlier in the evening… with one eye checking for other options that were still attainable given the time restraints… it wasnt helping them that mother nature was cock blocking with cold and monsoon rains coming down in sheets …combined with the general apathy that has permeated DC during the last few weeks of an extended primary season… well …poor babies…. it was gonna be an uphill battle…i leaned in and wished one boy luck with a girl who was probably cute when she hadnt been rained on…..he passed his hookah….

oh yeah…fucking hell..im in a eurotrash hookah bar in virginia….somebody pleazzze shoot me

the waitress…was bringing drinks a little slower… trying to get a head start on getting out of there… she was rounding up credit cards…. smiling a little harder…. last call isnt too far off.. she reminds me of someone….i cant think who…maybe kardashians crazy loud sister?? maybe….

but i have to admit…im glad i decided to come out….. i dont do much of ANYTHING that i dont want to…but…i let him talk me into it…. i didnt want to go out..and i certainly didnt want to go out to virginia….(best Tshirt spotted at the black cat last week ..Virginia is for Losers) i DEF… wouldnt have agreed to a hookah bar….

but…. i suck at saying no….

and he offered to drive….

and with sex on wheels..STILLLLLLL in intensive care….out at the dealer….damn… youd think german car parts wouldnt be THAT hard to come by…

so i let him take the lead …..and we headed to an anonymous arlington bar…. it was nice to be in a new neighborhood where nobody knows you… you dont nod slightly to anyone as they acknowledge that you are with a new boy from across the room…with a knowing …if only slight lift of their glass…nobodys eyebrows raise when you walk by with that…”hes cute ..call me later” look

questions piss me off these days… i dont know why…im just not in the mood for them…..and he didnt ask many…sooo that was good… we shared some apple tobacco…he knew the waitress….so the ice never rattled in my glass… and the dj worked a mellow groove between LA cool and NY hot…. the people watching was kind of bland… so when he leaned in and kissed me …it was a welcome diversion…but frankly… i was in a melancholy mood and it was gonna take more than a few vodka tonics and some PDA… to pull me out of it…

and then it comes back to me…ummm yeah…im in hookah bar… one fortyfive ish… a.m… im hungry… i had wiggled out of an earlier dinner date….. (i told you i hadnt wanted to go out) so i hadnt eaten… and the vodka tonics were gonna start to catch up to me…

like i said he didnt want to talk…and that was fine with me…i preferred it…

maybe having sex on wheels in the shop has me soo melancholy…maybe the rain…maybe the cold…. maybe i should go to LA… just for a few days… maybe im over thinking it…maybe im over thinking everything these days…i was getting grouchy…i was ready to switch to ginger ale….i just wanted to get back to my place…crawl into a warm dry bed…. snuggle down… but….here i was in VA at two in the morning…

thank god….he made the right offer…

and well….

bob and ediths is too hard to pass up…

fried eggs and grits…

then he put his ride into gear (sometimes i forget how much i like to watch boys drive) and we headed back across the river…

home…

the lesbians were wrapping up their party next door…. and one of them was sitting in a wheeled office chair while her friends pushed her down the sidewalk …spinning…in the rain…

two kids “security personnel” brought me an end of the night “goodie bag” from the club owner… and ….well….its nice to be back in my neighborhood…

and

then….in the morning… i wake up to a text from the rockstar…

hes in town…

want to get breakfast???

there can be a beautiful symmetry to starting a morning …

the same way you finished the evening…

with a boy who doesnt ask too many questions…and a bowl of grits….

maybe in another life… it would be the SAME boy… morning And night

but frankly…i think i like it my way bettter… at least for now

xoxo

How The Geek Squad Scored my Porn

sugarbabies..

its all about size..right??? sooo over the weekend…..i convinced bribed a boy…with promises of porn filled evenings… if he would go with me to buy a reallllly big television porn player… (“sex on wheels” can only handle about 18″ …. which …is not that big in the world of porn)…. sooo we climbed into his truck and headed to Virginia….where tvs are bigger and taxes are lower….

but alas….it seems jesse janes dvd

is sooo hot it freaked out the built in dvd player in the new porn player(pp).

worst part…. the machine wouldnt give back the disc it had swallowed… a primo piece of andrew blake…art porn…

so what did we do??? naturally … we stuck ANOTHER movie in the slot… (insert your own “slot” joke here)

you can guess what a good plan that turned out to be…

now the fucker had TWO good dvds…and…

refused to barf em back out…great….

sooo..we decided the new pp was prob. cursed… morman… or at the very least anal retentive…im pretty sure thats what freud say bout it swallowing my porn…and not “returning” it…right???

we boxed that whack job back up….and hauled the monstrosity back to the store…

porn and all..

the GEEK SQUAD was called in to try to retrieve the dvds from the locked jaws of the new porn player…but….

they were not successful…

bad strategy on my part..i told em what was in there…..like they were gonna try very hard after they heard that…i bet soon as i left..they ripped that bastard apart…

soooo

a new porn player (pp) was purchased…

and socks…

ahhhh…life is good…

when your feet are warm and your pp is working…

xoxo

my sentiments exactly…

hi sugarbabies…

ok ok..maybe EVERYONE else has seen it..but…i never had…

and i was on my way into the office early this morning soo.. i was sitting in traffic… with no coffee… no breakfast (the most important meal of the day)… and feeling kinda grumpy…

till i spotted…the

BEST.BUMPER STICKER.EVER

If you are gonna ride my ass….at least pull my hair….

brilliant…

i dont know who that chick is..but i love her…

and i showed up at work with a grin… so i kinda owe her…

after i got some coffee… i went to the blessed internets.. and orderd 2 of them…

xoxo

Bloody Attention Whores…

sugar babies… file this one under TMI.. despite her advancing age… it appears Sharon Stone still gets her period…

i stole borrowed this pic from a real blog..

Go Fug Yourself

xoxo

Life in the Blond Lane..with a Stripper Name

I have a stripper name…ok ok…technically i have a pornstar name..but im using stripper cause way too many of my recent posts have involved porn …. (as IF you can have tooo many porn posts)….but anyway…
i figured out kinda early in life (thank the sweet bebe jesus) that if i was gonna run around… this blond… AND rocking a stripper name…

i was gonna be coming at the world (or at least DC) from a place a little left of center….

and in traveling this “road less traveled” …. i had better be able to make my OWN way… carry my own bags… pump my own gas… and pay my own bills….

Im stubborn to a fault and my only REAL option was gonna be to become a pornstar…alas…. the name was taken…so that just left work FOR myself.. …

I can work WITH …just about anybody…im crazy easy going that way…. but if somebody starts TELLING ME WHAT TO DO…oh boy does that bother the shit out of me… so sue me i dont take direction well….

it is semantics really…

you can ASK me to do ANYTHING…. i have a terrible time saying no… thats one reason im so slutty…..the other is because i hate to disappoint people …..it has something to do with a deep seated psychosis that comes with growing up in the south….. but again…i digress….

who was gonna take me seriously over at chase manhattan or the world bank?? not that chix dont do well in the corp world…they do…..but…… slutty over sexed blond ones that like to sleep late and that have problems with authority…. well…not so much…

trust me i tried..it was fun.. but…in the end…i wanted to come in late be the boss of things…..

maybe it makes me a control freak…but frankly… i think it was just because i was always usually right.. but corporate folks would just dismiss me as the slut chick…. that kinda shit would drive me bonkers.. and if i made a fuss..then i was just the emo slut chick that was crazy…

it took a couple of false starts but eventually i found a spot where i could use my natural talents, and i hate to disappoint you here *see above….. but im not talking about the ones that involve knee drops…

and make a decent living….

doing something i love ……so …

when i found myself…. thinking that maybe the security of a “regular” job and paycheck on friday would be nice… it took me a few min. to remind myself.. that im the girl who:

• turned down two serious marriage proposals over the past few years
• lives in the city…. but doesnt lock the doors
• drives a veritable rocket with no seat belt and no top.. (on the car people….and…for the record i had nothing against seat belts until the government made them freaking mandatory….rrgh)
  
• wears dangerously high heels everywhere…
• can’t commit to a round trip airline ticket
• still sunbathes at the beach (cancer?? whats cancer??)

maybe there are things in this world that i value more than “security”… ya think???

maybe a big part of being sooo blond..is being free…

maybe what thoreau said is true…

“All good things are WILD and FREE”

soooooo…. would that mean allll the

BAD girls things are wild, free and BLOND….

xoxo

Things Ive Learned from Porn II (now with a poll!)

thinner isnt always better…

oh sugarbabies…in the past i have always subscribed to the “never too rich or too thin” school of thought.. but this thin thing.. i have re-thought… i work with a girl who is too thin…we alll cringe when she wears a skirt and her leeeetle toothpicks are on display….the poor little thing..i NEVER thought i would EVER say anybody was tooo thin..but there she is… and now…

it has happened ….to …*sigh*… one of our favorite pornstars… poor little jenna jameson …is too thin..and recently looks too strung out to be considered sexy or even pretty at the moment… poor little thing…

i hope she gets help soon… she got a great new haircut..but she followed it up with crazy collagen lip job ewww… her facelift “eye-lift”looks just gross too… and she has crossed into ana territorty…

sooooo…. at least till she gets some help…sorry love …(and she cant be tooo disapointed since technically she IS retired)… you are not my favorite pornstar anymore…. you couldnt hold the spot forever…

we both knew that….

and you had a good run..

really you did…..

but

the crown is getting passed to ……*drumroll please*……

jesse jane… (yeah, yeah, yeah…. big surprise….. i know…)

there was some of her stuff waiting for me when i got home from Texas… (screw netflix…subscribe to a “movie by mail service” with some balls people)

i think the lesson here…is not about getting old… but about being comfortable with yourself…. and for whatever reason… jenna jameson clearly isnt comfortable with herself right now…..hell..i dont think anybody is comfortable with her right now.. that just isnt sexy people… not even a teeny little bit…

xoxo

The Scent of a Woman, with a Gun

Sugarbabies…

the shy should take cover…..JULIETTE HAS A GUN..
is now available in the US!!!!

im gonna have to actively seek sugar daddies..or mommies..that want me to smell sexy… cause …..oh sugarbabies have you ever seen anything that looked more like it B-F-ing-longs with me than….

this…

now available in the US at Henri Bendel..AND Fred Segal… and god bless fred segal..cause now they have opened an internets mecca for the few of us that DONT live in LA…. known simply and elegantly enough as..fredsegalbeauty.com… 

y’all know that for the past few months…at night… i have been dropping to my knees…(not JUST for that you goofs) praying to the sweet baby jeeeesus to deliver unto me the new romano ricco scents…. mostly miss vengeance… but whatever…any of em..and now it seems he is listening to me!! How cool…i think i have a direct line…  so if y’all have requests of the sweet baby jeeeesus..i will try to talk to him for you…

soooo..right now i hate wordpress… (and i rarely say hate…so you know im feeling passionately at the moment….) 

but the wordpress-no- java-widget-nazis…. dont want me to smell sexy….and they are coming between me and the sweet baby jeeesus…. cause they wont let me add a tip jar to my side bar… soooo… im gonna be reduced to batting my eyelashes at boys in bars… and then slipping them the intel..

my holster is empty…. and im not the kinda girl that likes to get caught without a gun….

xoxo

The Boys of Summer….

oh sugarbabies…the official boys of summer wrap up.. in bullet points…

• The Supreme Court still calls but.. whatever..i only answer if im realllly bored
• The Artist and i managed to ignore each other most of the summer… except for one particularly HOT show… and except when he slid two hundred dollars in my pocket..he behaved himself.. ok ok.. except for sliding up behind me and grabbing my hair and kissing my neck…which was kind of an asshole move..cause he KNOWS what that does to me…damn..even thinking of it makes me kinda….uumm..yeah…ok next… and yeah he owed me the money…
• Spent time in NYC instead of on the beaches..so maybe thats why it doesnt feel like summer should be over yet??
• The Rockstar…. considering our schedules we saw each other waay more than i would have guessed this summer….including a “layover” at dulles…and a little time “in the studio” in Texas…
• The Boyscout..is now dating a married lady…. but shares the details over dinners.. i am sex therapist to more than one person in this uptight lil town…
• i had the CREEPIEST.DATE.EVER. when a dude tricked me into his car and held me hostage took me to Capital Grill all the way out in tysons… then got drunk..so i had to sit there till he coffeed up…ugghhh…. nevermind..that there is a cap grille about 6 blocks from my house..dude wanted to show off his new mercedes..whatever… why do guys think i care about what car they drive???
• met the LNS crowd… it is waay worse than you have heard…..is this what they mean when they say homeland security is worried about the “threat from within”???…. somehow..id feel better IF i thought that was true…

soooo i spent the last weekend of summer in DC…and it was great.. .. hung out with friends…putzed around the house, drinks at wonderland…i do love this wacky town..even in the heat of the summer…. when she is kicking tourist ass with 85% humidity… during the summer she is a little bit quieter,  a little less crowded, and a little less up tight……

and i can tell you

my love for her will still be strong….

after the boys of summer have gone….

ummm..does that make me a lesbian???

xoxo

Dear Beeotch in my Building…

Hey Girl…

I know that you are new in town.. that you have just moved here from a podunky little town um.. Fairfax…. and that you are still trying to figure out how to be cool in the big city and all… so…i have cut you some slack up until now…

but … if you continue to bring attitude flash bitch at me when i say hello to you at the door or mailbox…

well..that may not be the best course of action for you … i mean be smart about this….

..i just mean … that it IS COOL to treat people well… and youd be well served to learn that lesson kinda quick.. in the big city… you need all the help you can get….i mean your blond..(not as blond as me obviously) but blond.. and women (especially blonds…and super especially… single in the city blonds) should support each other…

i dont have much patience for women that are too insecure to be friends friendly with other women… its just sooo umm.. looser...9th grade…

anyway… so…if you cant flash a smile or nod..maybe acknowledge me when i say good morning….. well…

maybe ill stop putting your mail by your door when Mr. H puts it in my box by mistake…

or maybe i’ll mention to Mr. H (you prob dont know his name…but he is our postman) that you are… you know ..not nice… i bet he would “forget” to deliver ANY of your mail…

he doesnt like you already -because youre new and it takes several years for him to like ANYONE-

and mind you, his delivery is only spotty when he DOES like you…

he naps in the alley most days..he doesnt care if you like it or not….he is gonna retire next year….sooo…..go ahead complain to his supervisor… he will only laugh at you…

if you cant lighten up:

i wont tell you where to put your trash so that you wont run into that nest of rats “street puppies” in the back alley….you know the ones by YOUR window… the ones that always seem to get into the unit YOU rented if ANYBODY leaves the back door ajar.. bet you dont realize that… YET…

if you lock yourself out i wont be able to tell you where the spare key is hidden…

i wont ask Mo (the parking garage manager) to hook you up with a deal on the monthly fee…

i wont tell you which pizza place delivers to our building

or how to get into shows across the street for free..

i wont be able to tell the MAYOR … ( hes the homeless dude who kinda rules allll the homeless dudes in our hood) that you are cool… and if he doesnt think you are cool…. well… i dont think you’ll like the neighborhood nearly as much….

i know.. i know… you could figure allllll this stuff out on your own… but the way i see it..why should you have to reinvent the wheel.. im willing to bring you up to speed.. i suppose thats just the kinda girl i am…

i guess what im trying to say…is….well sugarpie…. the ball is in your court…..

and oh yeah…. one more thing…

that black dress thing you were wearing last night makes your ass look HUGE… really hon…girlfriend to girlfriend.. retire that shit…

xoxo

sb

C’mon Baby.. Be My Bad Boyfriend…

I know.. i know… i shouldnt bring home a new boy …just …. because he is sexy… and because im impulsive… but.. this weekend that is just what i did…

and well…im soooo happy about it….

to be truthful…ive been eye-ing him from afar for a while now… and i even gave him a little consideration last year…but …i was afraid.. i was nervous about change… i was pretty invested in doing things the same old way… i didnt think i wanted the disruption of a new boy… but… i couldnt stop thinking about him…. and then by chance i ran into him while i was down in the A.R.L… maybe it was fate…thats how i saw it…. we just kind of connected….and he seemed perfect.. and sexy..did i mention sexy….and while i had gone out planning to return home alone… well… it didnt go down like that….

and… now that we’ve spent the weekend in bed.. watching tv together…getting to know each other…..

the last one.. didnt really like to “perform” in certain areas of the house…..

BUT this new boy…OMG… we were allll over the house together… and across the street at starbucks garnering envious glances… and putting on a kinda goofy PDA show…. and i just grinned…

go ahead ..be jealous bitches…hes allllll mine…

i know how some relationships… can be .. glorious and giddy in the beginning…(i cant wait to get home to him tonight!!!).. and then fade to an old familiarity… that gets dull.. and finally the flame flickers out….

i think that is what happened with the last one… we… just started to take each other for granted.. and in the end i was really resentful..of his neediness… him not really going places with me…. his constant need for ME to charge him up … and not being able to do the same for me… not being able to give me anything new…the relationship seemed sooo one sided…. he was always asking me for more more more..and giving less less less……that and he just wasnt sexy anymore…

so this weekend…… i jumped…

and told bill gates to go to hell… screw you and your f-ing whacked out VISTA… if im gonna buy all new software anyway… SCREW YOU……im gonna do it with my sexy new boyfriend…

MAC…

xoxo

Things I’ve Learned from Porn … (updated often: or whenever i feel like it)

• charm school: coordinating your shoes with your handbag…
• porn school: coordinate your shoes with your knickers..

ok ok..freckles… we know you dont wear knickers… match em to your bra……..

trust me on this ladies …and for gods sake.. i dont have to tell you that i do NOT mean Flip Flops….

xoxo