Hey Girl…

I know that you are new in town.. that you have just moved here from a podunky little town um.. Fairfax…. and that you are still trying to figure out how to be cool in the big city and all… so…i have cut you some slack up until now…

but … if you continue to bring attitude flash bitch at me when i say hello to you at the door or mailbox…

well..that may not be the best course of action for you … i mean be smart about this….

..i just mean … that it IS COOL to treat people well… and youd be well served to learn that lesson kinda quick.. in the big city… you need all the help you can get….i mean your blond..(not as blond as me obviously) but blond.. and women (especially blonds…and super especially… single in the city blonds) should support each other…

i dont have much patience for women that are too insecure to be friends friendly with other women… its just sooo umm.. looser...9th grade…

anyway… so…if you cant flash a smile or nod..maybe acknowledge me when i say good morning….. well…

maybe ill stop putting your mail by your door when Mr. H puts it in my box by mistake…

or maybe i’ll mention to Mr. H (you prob dont know his name…but he is our postman) that you are… you know ..not nice… i bet he would “forget” to deliver ANY of your mail…

he doesnt like you already –because youre new and it takes several years for him to like ANYONE-

and mind you, his delivery is only spotty when he DOES like you…

he naps in the alley most days..he doesnt care if you like it or not….he is gonna retire next year….sooo…..go ahead complain to his supervisor… he will only laugh at you…

if you cant lighten up:

i wont tell you where to put your trash so that you wont run into that nest of ratsstreet puppies” in the back alley….you know the ones by YOUR window… the ones that always seem to get into the unit YOU rented if ANYBODY leaves the back door ajar.. bet you dont realize that… YET

if you lock yourself out i wont be able to tell you where the spare key is hidden…

i wont ask Mo (the parking garage manager) to hook you up with a deal on the monthly fee…

i wont tell you which pizza place delivers to our building

or how to get into shows across the street for free..

i wont be able to tell the MAYOR … ( hes the homeless dude who kinda rules allll the homeless dudes in our hood) that you are cool… and if he doesnt think you are cool…. well… i dont think you’ll like the neighborhood nearly as much….

i know.. i know… you could figure allllll this stuff out on your own… but the way i see it..why should you have to reinvent the wheel.. im willing to bring you up to speed.. i suppose thats just the kinda girl i am…

i guess what im trying to say…is….well sugarpie…. the ball is in your court…..

and oh yeah…. one more thing…

that black dress thing you were wearing last night makes your ass look HUGE… really hon…girlfriend to girlfriend.. retire that shit…

xoxo

sb

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