sugarbabies…the call went like this:

hello???

…oh hey…yeah im sorry for not calling you back the last few days…

ok ok…yeah its been a few weeks..

me? ..oh im doing ok …well…not really….

let me just put it to you this way…

im at the office and im wearing sneakers…

umm..no not the cute Chanel golf shoes…the ones i wear for taking out the trash..

yeah no shit…

rock fucking bottom…

yeah..that would be bottom bitch to you lovah….

yeah right…a few gay men here nearly collapsed

something about hell freezing over and a tear in the space time continuum ….

the straight guy noticed that i’m short…and asked if somebody crossed the streams…

ha fucking ha…

oh it gets better…

yeah waaaay better….

how long have we known each other??

that long…sooo…

you know how i take out any stress on my….wait for it…. sugarbabies…wait for it….

HAIR.

soooo…yeah… if you ever grab a six dollar bottle of hair dye from the Triple B and think…umm whats the worst thing that could happen??? my hair will be a different shade of blond…

yeah… welll…. thats not exactly true…

umm..yeah it could turn several other shades of blond..including orangey red and ummm some grayish purpley shades in some splotches…

i know…i know…. but it costs 4 bennies every freaking time…

right..umm …good point..now it will be $406.00

i know i know….but…INSTANT gratification……they were closed …right??? hair salons should fucking be like waffle houses… yeah 24 fuck!ng 7 …. otherwise $hit like this happens…. of course i called him!……uhhh yeah….i have his cell….

fuck that…hes not a boy…hes a HairDresser…

hes my therapist for christ sake…

HELLO!!…. do you know how often i color my hair???? i see him more often than the dry cleaner….

yeah hes gonna meet me at my place…. but he lives all the way in mclean….and he is booked all day..so it will take a while

yeah…its that bad

housecall bad…

its like ive falllen into the abysss….

right??

sneakers…bad hair day… Sex on Wheels is in the shop….

oh but…let me tell you something…….

the good part about driving the loaner..

if somebody is checking you out at a light or something…..its SUCH an ego boost….

yeah …

no its totalllly different….

if youre in SOW you never KNOW if they checking out you….or the car…..

yeah and if the top is not down ..you know..folks have to REALLLY be interested to notice that my hair color is whacked off the chain..

i know, i know…im gonna start cruising in ghetto sleds…just for my ego….

i dunno whats your weekend look like??

im supposed to go to a party up in adams morgan…but… i dunno… ill prob duck out early…

yeah i know….NO…cause i think it sounds kinda nasty…like a stripper move…

….hitting bottom…

sounds like EVERY weekend

oh wait… that is slapping a$$ …whatever…yeah…im feeling a lot better…

yeah ..im gonna go put on some real shoes…

yeah there is a pair of pointy ass michael kors stilettos in the supply closet….the black ones with two ankle straps….they look like a dominatrix would wear em…

i know…i LOVE that in a shoe…

yeah..but im gonna look sooopa slutty cause….

i’m in khaki shorts and my johnny cash t-shirt.

i know..if i didnt know you better …id think this was one of those

“heavy breathing..what are you wearing phone calls”…

is it narcissistic of me to think everyone is looking at my hair??

i mean….youd be pressed to find a bigger attention whore than me…but still.

yeah your right…ok well … maybe no one will notice…

umm….i take that back…a guy in the office across the hall just drew a life size picture of me with sharpies..with purple and orange hair…and printed TRAGIC in this realllly expensive font i just bought across the top… and..umm..i gotta go..he is heading down the hall..to post it in the break room….yeah.

thanks

ok ..

talk to you later……

bye…

xoxo

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