sugarbabies…

i think i had a wee breakdown this morning…im not sure..

is that what you call it when:

you are packing for a quick trip home…to vist your sick mom…and while your packing you realize you need outfits for not one but two funerals…and you havent been to the dry cleaner and you get soo mad at yourself for not picking up your black “funeral pants” the day before  and you start throwing clothes on the bed… and then you sit down and cry and ….then you have to clean up the mess and now you are late AND puffy eyed.. and you STILL dont have anything packed …and you tell yourself your not gonna go to either funeral..fuck it…and then you start crying again because of course you are gonna go… and nobody cares if you wear the black pants with the slightly wider cut leg… and … you put them in the bag…and of course you knock over the bottle of water that is on the dresser… so you cry a little more… and you talk out loud to the dead…and you tell them how angry you are at them…for leaving you here …for leaving all the people that love them… that you dont want to have to look their kids in the eye… and … you look at the clock and realize that you are late…but ironically (or not) it is still waaay too early to start drinking….. and then you cant bring yourself to throw out the drooping roses on the table.. even though you know that coming home to them dead and rotting is gonna put you over an edge…  and then… just for a little cherry on top…you hide the key to your house in a new place because you are gonna do something you ONLY do when youre planning a night of boom chicka wah wah

lock the door….

because your house isnt quite as safe as it was yesterday….

and lastly as  you traverse the 6 to 1 slope of the parking garage in your 5 inch platform stilettos… your overnight bag, briefcase, and laptop…a concerned construction worker asks if you are gonna be ok…

and you almost start crying AGAIN when you reply

“thanks love ..but this is the easiest thing I’m gonna have to do for days…”

i mean really sugarbabies what do you call that???

xoxo

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