brunch starts late at the passenger… and its cocktail heavy…not silly mimosas… real hardcore cocktails…  sidecars…manhattans…concoctions with bits of dandelion, egg whites and orange peel… i should have known things would go south when they pulled a ladder out of the back so the bartender could reach the good stuff…and …in retrospect the biscuit buried in a bowl of gravy prob wasnt enough to soak up the shots of assorted spirits…which probably made the drama that wound its way back and forth between the sidewalk… the bar.. and the psychotronic film society screening  in the back …all the more…well… dramatic…and…

when i stepped on the sidewalk to bum a drag off some guys smoke…i was surprised that it was dark… but surprised in a good way… i like the dark…especially if its a hot dark… the secret service had broken up a fight on this bit of sidewalk the night before …  animated conversations were taking place in the nearby doorways tonight… it felt like summer…it happens like this when its hot… but thats another story… this story is about ME…going back inside…  a hand on my back…in a too dirty too dark dive bar loo…after too many muddled fruit cocktails… feeling something slip…hearing the metallic clink…  closing my eyes… realizing it… and thinking…its ok…to let it go…. and giving up a little bit of me… a little bit of mcqueen… thinking …

Lee probably would have liked this slightly hipster driven dive bar with surprisingly good food… great cocktails…and very little pretense… and… then…. just pushing the handle…pulling the metaphoric trigger…

he turned his inner demons outward for us… his struggle was familiar and that familiarity bred a certain comfort…yeah…thats the right word…comfort… i took comfort in his work… i still think of him every day….but i wont be sliding his ring on my finger anymore…im facing my own demons… and im doing it alone… because whether the harsh light of day or the darkest part of the night… that’s really the only way that you can face them…

god save mcqueen….

god save the district…

god save us all…

xoxo

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