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I am a city girl… i wear all black…maybe some gray …maybe some olive green… everything in my closet matches everything else…

that said…

i don’t usually like black lingerie…i mean of course its classic, goes with everything….etc etc..but…**yawn**

i like my naughty bits wrapped in neon pink, pushed up with lime greens, wrapped tightly in leopard prints. Azure blue peeks out from under my sweater when the neckline slides too far in any direction…yellow mesh with bits of pink ribbon laced corset style up the cup… blue and white gingham ruffles over lace… yes love, that IS a bit of blaze orange under Karl Lagerfelds silk georgette camo blouse… black would work i guess…but the orange….the orange takes it up a notch…even if nobody sees…even if no one whispers “are you wearing orange under there?” and even if nobody kisses my neck while their hands find a way to push up my sweater in the back of a town car on the way home  ….  i know…. and that is usually enough to keep my shoulders back and posture tall when my feet hurt and I’m at my 3rd round of drag shows for the weekend…and the envelope of white powder being passed round the table is a new body glitter – i cant make this stuff up – also i am slightly mortified to announce that there may or may not be pix of me circulating on the internet with a man wearing a hat made entirely of gilded dongs…

and yes …if you want your knickers to have hooks and snaps and ribbons…. where? yes there… then Europe has always been the best place to buy … and yes it costs more than is reasonable… and it can be hard, even for me,  to justify $130.00 for a thong… but then…then… you find that your favorite source for fun colors, quality laces and, extreme designs has come out with a new line inspired by Monica Cruz the lil sister of Penelope Cruz….and its designed by the sisters… and it’s priced at a very flattering price point that says special but not out of reach

meet  L’Agent the new collaboration with luxury lingerie label Agent Provocateur

*sigh* im particularly fond of the “monica” set…but how to choose a color?!?

here is the video NSFW… and oh wait is that lil sis Monica Cruz in her last trimester making an adorable appearance at about 1:17 …oh…i think it is…

Available from Nordstrom (online only… best i can tell – their lingerie manager never called me back :-/  ) if you want free shipping to anywhere…

or from Net A Porter if you prefer yours to come in a lil black box…that seems just the right amount of mysterious..maybe even naughty…

xoxo

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noblesse oblige…

nothing good happens when its this hot after midnight…

we stepped out of the club into hot night air …and a waiting taxi…with no air conditioning…

i leaned into the heat … breathed it …

hot air in your lungs…at 1 am …summer in dc *sigh*

the hair on the back of my neck was damp…hell … most of me was damp….my makeup was a mess…

i think i told him he was an idiot…or something along those lines…

he just laughed and told the taxi where to pull over…

hes a poor planner…or a great one…. im not sure which…

but he walked me into the house…and shoved me against the wall…he kissed me like he meant it…which is how i like it

and i have to  admit… that if you cant get long necks at an old juke joint / honky tonk in this town… well at least you can roll through dives like the velvet lounge and push over to the 9:30 club  for a good view of a bad (in all the right ways)  rock n roll show …my weakness for such things is … well documented… and 2.5 vodka tonics and a glass of wine will get you just about as far as 3 vodka tonics…my also well documented… limit before poor slutty life choices get made… …which brings us back to my place…

the air conditioning was turned down low…it was cold even… but there was sweat  running down my back…

later…he jumped in the shower…while i …switched on early morning tv

the overdone woman on the weather channel said the heat index was still ridiculously high…

i  opened the fridge…i stood there with the door open sipping a pellegrino limonata…

…i kissed him goodbye…

he smelled like soap… when he headed back out in to the heat…

…to meet his wife…

xoxo


sugarbabies…

my ninny always said “be extra careful when you buy knickers from the discount bin”

i think the same could prob be said for porn…

please note that i firmly believe quality porn should be available at all price points…

TEXT from ME:

its not that this thing was shot in the 80’s …{where FB stands for Full Bush NOT FaceBook} … or that there are dudes dressed as Arabs tossing 100’s on the girls… its the bootleg film quality makes this one seem shady … “caballero productions” should have been our first clue

but… id never fault a guy for trying…xoxo

you know what you cant buy cheap…

good art porn

nsfw

http://www.andrewblake.com <—you CAN find a few good ones here…just in time for the holiday season…

im partial to hard edge … but even i have to admit its aging… & we allll know …

porn does not age as well…

as a slightly…

salty…hard… spanish

queso idiazabal….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

i was rolling down 7th street when i pushed down on the button that initiates a sequence of gears that neatly packs the roof of my car into the boot… in less than 25 seconds…when i stopped at the light i stripped down to a tank top…which prompted a homeless guy on the corner to start swinging his hips side to side and shouting for me to “take it alllllll off baby” … i couldnt help but smile  while i shook my head at him… he shouted again “suicide you looking fiiine today girl” and maybe i shook out my hair and blew him a  kiss when i gunned the german engine a little bit more than necessary…

later that day “the lawyer” revealed that he had witnessed the encounter… i  smiled… looked over the top of my glasses at him and told him

Me: oh that is Marvin he’s  harmless…

Him: oh i know HE is harmless….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

if..

  • you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies”  because maybe…
  • you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
  • you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
  • cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
  • sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …

and here is the lesson kids….

grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…

xoxo

sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…

Now where to begin??????

maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:

“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and  quietly judging me”

or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…

“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”

seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money???  have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….

he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)

so theres that…

you say bitch...like its a bad thing...

you say bitch...like its a bad thing...

or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace

(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)

i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….

i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….

i am verrrrry smoooooth….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

there are a LOT of reasons to buy original artwork…. one of my faves is …cause they ship it wrapped in enough bubble wrap to cover the ENTIRE bed….

xoxo

oh sugarbabies…weekends are for warriors…not sex kittens…….

Wed (hump day): invited to join fun friends for drinks…at 7…soooo i came home put on a pretty frock, powdered my nose, pulled the tangles out of my hair….. and fell fast asleep…. didnt wake up til 930 the next morning..on top of the covers still in my frock and false eyelashes…thats f-r-O-c-k..you kids have such dirty minds

damn…

Thurs (lil Firday): worked a wee bit… went in late…cause i slept til 930..but i didnt count it as sleep because i wasnt under the covers…it isnt restful..if you arent snuggled in…so i didnt actually get out of bed…til 1030… then spent the best part of the day at a power lunch drinking martinis…went home early… big lunches make me sleepy

…yawn….

weekends are for warriors...

Fri: standing on a street corner when a cute boy spotted me… he circled back .. and i convinced him to take me to the grocery store!…score! sooo with a weekends worth of cheddar cheese and Life cereal… the pressure was off to find any dates to feed me…so… i had drinks only… and was tucked into bed early…under the covers this time..not that passed out sprawled out on top… as is prone to happen on friday nights

Sat: early morning text message from boy: “lets drop the top and get fucked up” how could i say no to such a romantic offer…alas… the agent for the loveshack (emphasis on shack!)called ….what do you think..should i buy a teeny lil love shack on the river that needs “some tlc” about 15k in work???? i dont know either sooo i got up wery wery early… drove west for 45 min… and dipped my toes in the shallow part of the shenandoah …and then came back… grabbed the boy… and proceeded to order mimosas…only of course we asked the ‘tress to serve ’em in big ole pint glasses….so she wouldnt have to keeeep refilling us every two min..then.. . finished up with a girlfriend at my fave watering hole …. and i was again… tucked in before the “douching hour”ed note…”douching hour” starts around 10 am in my neighborhood during hockey playoff season….

Sun: i was in bed (under the covers) when i get a text from a friend…he is back in town… just getting into a cab @ airport… i texted back in my sleepy text voice… i havent had coffee yet…he showed up on my doorstep..made me breakfast…. kissed my cheek and left to go check into his hotel…seriously… ive got that one trained just about perfectly!! i didnt leave the house all day…kittens dont like rain…soo…i watched lifetime movie network while surfing the net… and discovered:

1) the pope wears prada: hes totally jacking my style with red leather prada shoes…but whateves..if a creepy ole german guy is gonna have a fetish..i suppose an italian shoe one is about as vanilla as they come…its also rumored he sports some serengeti and gucci shades… is benny a label whore?? speaking of whores…and when i say whores i mean hot chicks…

2) guess who is STARRING in ZOMBIE STRIPPERS??…. YEP..our girl jenna jameson…. the campy horror film stars our fave lil pornstar …or whats left of her…. personally….i think it looks fun… and the cute Roxy Saint should be worth it alone…as the goth stripper who WANTS to be a zombie..cause it will make her uber-gothy.. i think it has opened in limited release…so you folks in NYC check it out for me and give me reviews…it isnt here yet….and from the looks of it may not get wide theater release…

i know….kinda dull..but sugar please….. even sex kittens get sleepy…

xoxo

sugarbabies..

changing your pants while driving down the toll road in a spring rain –that also includes sleet– with a 5 speed manual transmission… AND 5 inch stilettos… takes a certain je ne sais quoi …. that this sex kitten has been practicing…..but…. the whole thing left me remembering THIS…and i definately give extra credit because …well… because the diagrams are kick ass… i think that the same general principles apply to sex on wheels…keeping in mind…there is more head room but less privacy..if the top is down…

xoxo

ya gotta …or youll surely go to hell…right??? or is it heaven??? who can tell these days..sugarbabies…

i wrote this back during the summer…but never posted it…cause….i was feeling…uum… discreet….but aww fuck it y’all can have it…enjoy the long weekend…

the town is filling up with funny lil wannabe rockstars and their entourages hangers on groupies ..its been fun to watch sleepy lil austin start to wake up with the influx of all things music festival… technically it starts next week..but the ramping up has begun…austin is whitewashing her fences and…ok ok…..im getting away from the point here…

the reverend…hes hot or maybe a better word is kinda sexy…in that alt country older dude indie music way…. and well…we are allll sinners..right?? so i guess if you sin WITH the reverend or his deacons you can be forgiven pretty easily…and penance is surely not sooo bad… a few hail marys and sore knees ..(oops…. those may be from the sinning)

The catholic in me… (not like that.. assholes) …is always looking for a way out of the sin..ok ok..not true ..more like a work around for forgivness…that way i can go ahead with the sinning whatever the hell i want to do…

knowing that i can rationalize it to st peter..if he gives me any grief at the pearly gates…

personally im not too worried..i never met a door policy i couldnt manage….

(except maybe an older black lady guarding the bar of a “private event” at the kennedy center….and she wasn’t falling for any eye batting or slutty shoes)

If the REv. asks you to get naked...

so when the reverend horton heat and his deacons said ….

“hey cutie whats shaking back at your place the san jose ???

i was ready for him..

xoxo

ahhh sugarbabies….

its been ages since a porn post….. i suppose i just like to make y’all beg for em… so….well… by now…. youre all pretty familiar with my porn player troubles….if not… click here and then here ….sooooo

i convinced a boy… to attempt to return the porn player that “swallows” … to the 8th circle of hell….i mean..umm….. Best Buy…

once we get there…..he takes the porn player over to the geek squad desk… right at the front of the store…while i go to look for a replacement…

of course… he tells the geek squad a movie is stuck in the built in dvd player…

the geeks push some buttons..scratch their heads and push some more buttons….. right about the time i get to the tubo tax display… almost to the desk… one gifted geek pushes the right sequence of buttons…

and WHAM….

the “movie” starts playing….

of course when i say movie i mean hardcore fetish porn…this is not cheerleader porn….umm….no….its good old fashioned latex… whips and chains hardcore fetish stuff…* sigh* fun i know… i know!!!….

and it is playing…. at the front desk of the Geek Squad Station @ Best Buy…. yeah…

  • the geek who pushed the button…. his jaw kinda hit the counter
  • the “manager” of the counter ..well…. i thought she had a cardiac incident might easily have require full blown (he he he) medical attention
  • the gay dude in line..winked at me…while waving his hand over his heart…
  • the dude… i had convinced to return the tv with me……turned on his heels….. locked eyes with me and shouted……loudly…. …“suicide_blond…. you bitch … you’re the one who stole my dvd!!!

you know what can be more fun than watching freak porn????

watching white nerdy folks freak the fuck out….when porn starts playing in thier Best Buy lobby…..

OMG…. you just can not pay for entertainment like that….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

traffic ..is just a fact of life around here… soo… best plan … make the most of it… have some fun…like me..this morning… when im bored.. and traffic is moving slow…

i like to play a little game i call……. Catch a Cowboy..

where i give myself six red lights to get a victim boy to ask for my number……

so this morning it went down like this….

930 am morning traffic…on constitution ave…at 6th street

dwight yokum in the cd player… yodeling away…

sex on wheels and i roll up to the light….next to …

a REALLLY big monster of a midnight blue… turbo diesel… extended cab…long bed…F-350 ..

with a cute little boy at the wheel… whose panties could stay dry next that???

sooo… i had locked onto a target…..

7th street …light…a little eyelash batting…some hair tossing… and i had his full attention…

9th street … light…hes trying to get my attention…

so…. i smile…. and shift gears…make a pouty face…as the light changes…

i buzz through a few greens…and worry for a moment that he might take out a pedestrian trying to stay with me…. sex on wheels is a little easier to maneuver in the city than his monster truck… but…he manages to bully his way through… and sidles up next to us…grinning… at the

14th street…. light…so … i smile and nod … put down my lip gloss

typical…now that he has my attention..he doesnt know what to do with me….hahaha… and he gets bashful…i know ive only got a few more lights to go… sooo….i take charge and ask him…

SB: “are you a cowboy??

now hes completely flustered…. and its cute… and im having too much fun to stop …so … i push it into gear… knowing its sexy when i push in the clutch and nudge sex on wheels into first…and she growls a little…

he finallly comes back with… “do you want me to be a cowboy??” not THE best answer but it keeps him in the game…

soo… the light changes and sex on wheels and i give him a break…and let him ride along next to us to the next one..

In front of the Wash Monument…light…. i glance over at him all girlie and coy….

and replied…

SB: “well…you know…… there IS a test to see if youre a cowboy….do you wanna take it????

he has no idea what to do with me… and he looks a little scared now…

this is fun…

he nods as the light changes…

he falls behind as traffic crowds him to get onto Virginia Ave… but he manages to catch back up by the time i roll to a stop at the 19th street light

SB: “first question… do you have any…rope???

he blushes… really… he turned fevered red…and im willing to bet…he started sweating… it was a short light.. and it changed…..

now…ive got one light to convince him that he has what it takes…to ask for my number… and no guarantee that the quick succession of lights before i get to 66 will be red… so …im debating my strategy…. when he whips the big truck in front of me and sex on wheels... and angles it slightly…blocking the road…and jumps out!!!….

DAMN….the cowboy is blocking CONSTITUTION AVE at Rush hour!!!

damn..i never had this happen before…maybe hes not as afraid as i thought he was…

all i can think is….way to cowboy up… cutiepie…

he reaches out to shake my hand and says …

Cowboy: “hi maam…im cowboy ____ and id really like to buy you coffee….

i counted that as a win…

soo hes going on about how hes never done this before… how hes not a serial killer… and hes pushing his business card into my hand…

so… i smile… and nod…. and bat my eyelashes….

and handed him one of my cards… it just says…

smile if you wanna get me in bed

xoxo


sugarbabies…

Kevin Mitnick

this guy is my new hero crush..for today…but not for the obvious reasons…

  • not because he is like the father of all things hacker…that is kinda cute in an 80’s wargames way
  • not because he obviously has a lust for satisfying intellectual curiosity… and thats hot
  • not because he has a healthy wariness of all things government…and they are wary of him (rebels are hot)
  • not because he is soooo smart…that he scares people… smart ..is …you guessed it… hot
  • not because prison gave him street cred…and now that he has gone legit … he runs his own computer security firm

nope… thats not why….

its because the dude…

has what is pretty much the undisputed

best.business card.ever

mitnick

AND..he will send you one ..for a nominal two dollar charge …cash only please..(i love him)

Send your IP address and password to:
2245 N. Green Valley Parkway
Suite 411
Henderson, NV 89014

Due to countless requests for my business card, I now have to charge USD $2.00 to cover my cost for each card. Please enclose $2 cash only plus a self-addressed stamped envelope, otherwise you can attend one of my speaking engagements to obtain a free card.

although..im not sure i recommend sending the worlds greatest hacker your ip address…whatever… all you can get off my machine is porn..and im all for sharing..lol

but i think i will wait…i’d rather shake his hand and get one from him in person….im not sure when he will be in town…but..that is one of the good things about DC….eventually..

they all come….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

a few reasons that today doesnt suck….

  • last night had dinner with a few girls and a cute group of boys…. the cutest of which was only about… ohh.. 16 inches tall… and a snuggler (no worries..that is NOT a clock ticking…)
  • dragged ….. the cutest (over 16 inch tall) of the boys home with me…
  • had a great breakfast….. the most important meal of the day…
  • ran into a friend on a realllly early morning coffee run… when i ordered TWO coffees… she looked at me over the top of her glasses .. i looked back at her… over the top of my glasses… and replied……boom chicka wah wah…
  • found my missing fionna apple cd
  • rode into the office (topless) singing along loudly

ive been a bad bad girl…ive been careless with a delicate man…and its a sad sad world… when a girl will break a boy ..just because she can

  • when i got to the office… someone had brought in bagels..

..what can i say…all that umm.. “breakfast”..

a girl can work up an appetite..

xoxo

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Twitter…try to keep up…ok??