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If anybody has an acquaintance with sucker bets its prob me… i can be shortsighted and have you met me???

instant gratification is my middle name…

so when the odds dont figure and the payoff is less than the put in…

well you’ve just described almost every relationship i have ever been in

… and sooo…  this morning as i was walking alice we passed a group of homeless men and

i noticed one fella…. on his IPHONE (shit you not)

animatedly talking to his bookie bout the “taking Miami”

he eye raped gave me and alice the ‘ole up/down gaze…

pulled his phone from his ear and asked

“baby.. can ya spare any cash money for your man today” ???

annnd yeah  i told him the first thing that popped into my head which was…

“ya shouldve taken the knicks…… cocksucker”

xoxo

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via: theBerry.com

cool or creepy….

i kinda dig it..but im a freak like that… xoxo

via: desiretoinspire.net

 

sugarbabies…

the light turned red and i sidled my lil european sport scar up next to a brand new green Baby Bentley with florida tags:

HIM: good morning

ME:  indeed…is that GATOR green?

HIM:* laughing* no.. its MONEY green…

ME: ahhh thats a shame

HIM: why’s that?

ME: lots of folks round here have money… but gator fighters …well they’re hard to come by in these parts

Him: can i buy you coffee?

ME ::winking::  sugar you cant afford to be ‘running round with me… it’d  cost ya  waaay more than money

….light change….

#ilovethistown

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

well… i learned a little something about myself this week… well actually my assistant “A-cups” brought it to my attention…

she started with…“of all the places ive ever worked… you certainly have your own ideas about how to properly stock an office supply closet” she went on to say….something along the lines of… never before having to go to Neiman Marcus to “re-stock” the office supplies….

evidently (and how would i know???) not all supply closets feature the same items…personally… i think it just depends on your type of work…. but…since we have been moving our office ….we did a little inventory:

  • Three shades of Chanel Nail Polish (vamp, noir, and shanghai red)….
  • Emergency Aqua Ban…
  • Emergency stash of valium
  • Two pair of Lucky Brand Jeans
  • Two Johnson Motors Inc. T Shirts
  • Various bottles of assorted hotel shampoos/conditioners/lotions etc..
  • One black Kenneth Cole swim suit
  • STACKS of Paper Source Luxe Blush flat cards and envelopes
  • One bottle of eyelash adhesive (no eyelashes…must be time to re-order)
  • One bottle of Chanel No. 5
  • Several Strobe Lights (dont ask)
  • A stack of “why not Kinky in 2006″ bumper stickers
  • A few ladies “intimates” …boom chika wah wah
  • Two Sage and Citrus electric room scents..my office smells wicked good
  • One red table cloth
  • One spare case of Voss water… sparkling
  • One pair of pointy black stilettos
  • One pair of puma sneakers
  • One pair of strappy sandles
  • Five pages of Mendez vs. Westminster first class stamps
  • Stacks of cool cds including: steve earle, johnny cash, thievery corp, my life with the thrill kill kult, marilyn manson, beck, old 97’s and heather nova…
  • One vintage racing helmet
  • One Medium Black Overnight Bag
  • One small guitar amp
  • One case of Letter sized premium multi purpose paper
  • One box of yellow highlighters
  • One box of pens
  • One toner cartridge…. that we have NO IDEA what machine it might go in…
  • Two small sesow paintings

I explained to her that i only know what supplies it takes for ME to function..i have no idea what IBM considers a properly stocked supply closet…

What i am sure of….is..

that if we had what i can only imagine are more “traditional” supplies in our closet…

we wouldnt have to go to Office Depot almost every day….

BUT….

office depot isnt THAT bad… i dont mind going…

its worth it…. to be able to say…

“sure… i can be on that flight to the bahamas tonight”

some things that are more important than efficiency….

xoxo

or… how to score a free tank of gas…

sooo yesterday…im out in the burbs.. and rocking my new MARNI platform, peep-toe, pumps ( i love alliterations)….the black and brown ones.. the ones with a five inch heel on a two inch platform.. the ones that can only really be called expensive Hooker Heels… but damn i like it up here..so i doubt im coming down anytime soon..

as worn here..by kimberly stewart… she is not a hooker either..she just dresses like one too…

anyway…. i pull into a reston exxon station…..and well….. leering fellas start coming out of the woodwork…

i was in a hurry…..but..like my mama taught me…. smiled politely, batted my eyelashes (i cant help it im a shameless flirt) and answered their questions…

some about the vanity tag, some about “sex on wheels”, some about me….

i finished pumping (gas.. you assholes) and went inside to pay…. the paunchy middle aged men boys followed me in… more questions..more polite smiles and

  • “yes..she is very fast”….
  • “yes…she keeps me in trouble” ….
  • “yes..she has a manual transmission”
  • “yes she is a lot of car for a little girl like me”…
  • “yes thats why i need these platform shoes..so i can reach the pedals”..

the whole time i knew what they really wanted to ask was… “how much?” … and i dont mean for the car..

when they had finally paid for their sodas and honeybuns…and couldnt think of any more small talk….they wandered back to their respective cars..

i shook my head at Joon… the cashier/manager… he was smiling…

“ah..suicide_blond…. you soo good for business…. you no pay today…. it is my treat…”

i looked confused..and thought maybe one of the boys had “picked up my tab”... but no…

joon continued..evidently..he was SURE ..that after i had flirted shamelessly talked to them so politely… they would alll be back for weeks hoping to run into the blond in the euoropean sports car and the f-me pumps!!! boys…whatever…

lol…i had just scored him four new regulars…

and me…a free tank of supreme…

with gas prices what they are..i think Gloria Steinem would understand.

xoxo

  • charm school: coordinating your shoes with your handbag…
  • porn school: coordinate your shoes with your knickers..

ok ok..freckles… we know you dont wear knickers… match em to your bra……..

trust me on this ladies …and for gods sake.. i dont have to tell you that i do NOT mean Flip Flops….

xoxo

Its hot enough to bake cookies on the dash…

for real..no shit..you can…my new assistant “A-Cups” (boy… can i uncover hidden talent or what???) is doing it…

she says she has done this every summer… and she swears it makes her car smell like fresh baked choc chip cookies for the whole year…. not sure if i recommend it….but it IS working… and they are almost done…

  • get tube of cookie dough
  • place cookies on no stick cookie sheet
  • put cookie sheet on dashboard
  • park in sunny spot in august around 10 am
  • go to work
  • check on cookies at 3pm
  • eat cookies at 330pm

its that simple.. and im pretty damn sure you gain two lbs..just driving round in a car that smells that good…

so im thinking… we are quite a team..

with her cookies and

my milkshakes..that brings all the boys to the yard..

it may be a hot summer…. but who will notice with all these cookies and milkshakes????

xoxo

lately a lot of bloggers…ok ok..pretty much the entire nation..maybe even world..has been down on DC…

so while in NYC (having a freaking brilliant time.. mind you)..i was trying to remember the reasons ok ok..any reason at all….that out of alllll the places in the world..this is where i CHOOSE to live…. after a little thought i was a teeny bit surprised by the answer…

kinda simple really..what it boils down to is..basically …. DC is Dull

the creative process –for me-needs a ton of alone time…solitude… mental “me” time….
I can get a lot of work done because there isnt that much here to distract me from sitting down and doing it…

NYC, LA, San Fran, London…. there is soooo much going on… and its possible to find something REALLY cool to do every day AND night… so without moving out to the burbs… DC manages to be a Big City… that is pretty fucking boring…

In DC … most people are pretty passionate about their work…. they generally feel they are working for a good cause…..so…..they really only want to go out one maybe two nights a week..and even then we are usually home early….not so in NYC or LA where folks are really passionate about their lives.. and want to go out ALL day & ALL night…all that living is..well..its exhausting……

There is a marked difference in the way people live….here…..in dc…

and it just so happens to work well for me…

growing up here….

you lose interest in the political social climbers pretty quick… a bunch of wusses in pleated pants and bad hair…

soooo that scene bores me outta my mind….

then there is the non profit crowd... they are soooo busy with their causes that they rarely go out..and when they do they just end up preaching to anyone that will listen…i’ve never cared for evangelism..of any sort…

sooo that scene mostly sucks..

There is the international sin set… with some colorful exiles and diplomats ..but their agenda is to get somewhere else asap… they are only here to enhance their status back home….anyone cool…moves away pretty quick..

so that scene is inherently a bad bet

you get the idea….

Then on the other hand…. living in DC has a few perks…

  • it IS full of powerful people…. that has some advantages on occasion
  • it IS home to the best go go music in the world & Bens Chili Bowl
  • it IS only a 2.5 hour train ride to NYC..

soo …..i guess after thinking about it.. to live in dc you almost have to be delusional….about yourself, the world, or both… and THAT is what we Love AND Hate about our whacked out little town….and its colorful sometimes creepy cast of characters….and while
Washington DC isnt perfect…..its perfect for me…

xoxo

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