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I am a city girl… i wear all black…maybe some gray …maybe some olive green… everything in my closet matches everything else…

that said…

i don’t usually like black lingerie…i mean of course its classic, goes with everything….etc etc..but…**yawn**

i like my naughty bits wrapped in neon pink, pushed up with lime greens, wrapped tightly in leopard prints. Azure blue peeks out from under my sweater when the neckline slides too far in any direction…yellow mesh with bits of pink ribbon laced corset style up the cup… blue and white gingham ruffles over lace… yes love, that IS a bit of blaze orange under Karl Lagerfelds silk georgette camo blouse… black would work i guess…but the orange….the orange takes it up a notch…even if nobody sees…even if no one whispers “are you wearing orange under there?” and even if nobody kisses my neck while their hands find a way to push up my sweater in the back of a town car on the way home  ….  i know…. and that is usually enough to keep my shoulders back and posture tall when my feet hurt and I’m at my 3rd round of drag shows for the weekend…and the envelope of white powder being passed round the table is a new body glitter – i cant make this stuff up – also i am slightly mortified to announce that there may or may not be pix of me circulating on the internet with a man wearing a hat made entirely of gilded dongs…

and yes …if you want your knickers to have hooks and snaps and ribbons…. where? yes there… then Europe has always been the best place to buy … and yes it costs more than is reasonable… and it can be hard, even for me,  to justify $130.00 for a thong… but then…then… you find that your favorite source for fun colors, quality laces and, extreme designs has come out with a new line inspired by Monica Cruz the lil sister of Penelope Cruz….and its designed by the sisters… and it’s priced at a very flattering price point that says special but not out of reach

meet  L’Agent the new collaboration with luxury lingerie label Agent Provocateur

*sigh* im particularly fond of the “monica” set…but how to choose a color?!?

here is the video NSFW… and oh wait is that lil sis Monica Cruz in her last trimester making an adorable appearance at about 1:17 …oh…i think it is…

Available from Nordstrom (online only… best i can tell – their lingerie manager never called me back :-/  ) if you want free shipping to anywhere…

or from Net A Porter if you prefer yours to come in a lil black box…that seems just the right amount of mysterious..maybe even naughty…

xoxo

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via imgur.com

dont know what it says about me… but my first thought when i saw this pic was…

wow a ford…in liberia… yo detroit in the house….

also this song was on….

Well I’m a runnin’ down the road try’n to loosen my load
I’ve got seven women on my mind
Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me
One says she’s a friend of mine
Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy
Well, I’m a standin’ on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
Such a fine sight to see
It’s a girl my Lord in a flat-bed Ford
Slowin’ down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don’t say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me
We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again
So open up I’m climbin’ in, so take it easy
Well, I’m a runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load
Got a world of trouble on my mind
Lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my cover, she’s so hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy
Come on baby, don’t say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me

and then i went to put the turkey in the oven… and thought

damn…i have a lot to be thankful for…

happy holidays sugarbabies…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

its hard to make me mad…but its all too easy to disappoint me… disappointed is soo much worse than angry… angry passes pretty quick… disappointment kinda eats at you…

right now it would be fair to say im disappointed AND angry…. and that’s a place i don’t go very often… most folks just aren’t worth the trip 

the tears on my cheeks are hot and angry…and damn i hate driving and crying on such a perfect morning… what a waste of a sexy european convertible sports car…but make no mistake… im only angry at myself for putting anyone in the position to disappoint me…’cause  damn…if there is one thing i consider myself really good at… its managing expectations…especially mine…

xoxo

Bring me my gun of itching desire

Bring me my bullets and I will fire

Sights set higher than the tall church spire

~depeche mode

the nice list...ahhh…. the “Nice List” …

  1. the BFF… a cute art deco clutch from Nicole Miller $150 …and just in time for new years eve
  2. the Office Secret Santa …fuzzy wuzzy pencils Kates Paperie Shop $10
  3. your Nephew a mustache for every occasion! Paper Source $8
  4. your Newlywed Girlfriend… a Retro Apron …and… im betting her new husband will like it too… Anthropologie $32
  5. your Niece… Eloise! the classic about life in The Plaza … “room service..ill take a fork & 3 peas…and …Charge It, PleaseB&N $13
  6. the Neighborhood Kids…… An Army of Lucha Libre … ok ok truthfully they are for me…i see a whole christmas tree of them & maybe even strung together as a garland… what?  you dont know of my luchador love ? dont judge my life…  Paper Source $15
  7. your BGF… Chan Luu’s wrap bracelets are classics… this one is sized for the boys… Chan Luu $245
  8. yourself… oh what the hell…. you did something nice this year…im sure of it…  Chan Luu @ Net A Porter

seriously… if youre local… you can find all of the above AND have a few holiday cocktails at the Reston Town Center in under 2 hours… and me…i spent most of that time lingering over the cocktails…..

ok ok …

i know what your thinking sugarbabies… and dont you worry… i’ll get  the” naughty list”  guide out asap… as for my “wish list” well….. wouldnt you just love to know ;-)…..

xoxo

sugarbabies..

at this moment…im so enamored just tickled pink with these lil pitchers that gurgle…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

the first thing i noticed about him was the scar… it ran almost the length of his cheek… and it was new… i slid onto the bar stool next to him whispering in his ear …

” i think scars are sexy”

he turned his head and smiled…looked me in the eyes and answered…

“awwww cher… you make me wish more of mine were on the outside.”

i made a mental note… that a new orleans drawl…is even sexier than scars…

xoxo

hey look what i found!! your Halloween costume!!… yall bitchez are looking yummmmy and ummm a little slutty…cool

sugarbabies

sugarbabies

xoxo

sugar babies…

around one thirty in the morning…the atmosphere at the bar had gone from mellow to….well …you could feel… the soft touch of desperation rolling slowly in…kinda smoke like..gathering in corners and spreading out…. under the swanky lounge chairs and … curling up … toward the bar…

……no wait…that is REAL smoke…oh yeah….im in virginia they still smoke out here….how did i get out here??? jeeezuz…. somebody shoot me… oh yeah…he offered to drive…

girls were forcing laughs…their faces shiny… their lipstick had turned garish… when they leaned back against the divans…they closed their eyes… and you could tell that for them… the room was spinning… more from the cocktails than the dj

the boys were feeling the pressure to make a move soon…or be resigned to going home solo… so they were kicking up their game… and being more touchy feely than they had been earlier in the evening… with one eye checking for other options that were still attainable given the time restraints… it wasnt helping them that mother nature was cock blocking with cold and monsoon rains coming down in sheets …combined with the general apathy that has permeated DC during the last few weeks of an extended primary season… well …poor babies…. it was gonna be an uphill battle…i leaned in and wished one boy luck with a girl who was probably cute when she hadnt been rained on…..he passed his hookah….

oh yeah…fucking hell..im in a eurotrash hookah bar in virginia….somebody pleazzze shoot me

the waitress…was bringing drinks a little slower… trying to get a head start on getting out of there… she was rounding up credit cards…. smiling a little harder…. last call isnt too far off.. she reminds me of someone….i cant think who…maybe kardashians crazy loud sister?? maybe….

but i have to admit…im glad i decided to come out….. i dont do much of ANYTHING that i dont want to…but…i let him talk me into it…. i didnt want to go out..and i certainly didnt want to go out to virginia….(best Tshirt spotted at the black cat last week ..Virginia is for Losers) i DEF… wouldnt have agreed to a hookah bar….

but…. i suck at saying no….

and he offered to drive….

and with sex on wheels..STILLLLLLL in intensive care….out at the dealer….damn… youd think german car parts wouldnt be THAT hard to come by…

so i let him take the lead …..and we headed to an anonymous arlington bar…. it was nice to be in a new neighborhood where nobody knows you… you dont nod slightly to anyone as they acknowledge that you are with a new boy from across the room…with a knowing …if only slight lift of their glass…nobodys eyebrows raise when you walk by with that…”hes cute ..call me later” look

questions piss me off these days… i dont know why…im just not in the mood for them…..and he didnt ask many…sooo that was good… we shared some apple tobacco…he knew the waitress….so the ice never rattled in my glass… and the dj worked a mellow groove between LA cool and NY hot…. the people watching was kind of bland… so when he leaned in and kissed me …it was a welcome diversion…but frankly… i was in a melancholy mood and it was gonna take more than a few vodka tonics and some PDA… to pull me out of it…

and then it comes back to me…ummm yeah…im in hookah bar… one fortyfive ish… a.m… im hungry… i had wiggled out of an earlier dinner date….. (i told you i hadnt wanted to go out) so i hadnt eaten… and the vodka tonics were gonna start to catch up to me…

like i said he didnt want to talk…and that was fine with me…i preferred it…

maybe having sex on wheels in the shop has me soo melancholy…maybe the rain…maybe the cold…. maybe i should go to LA… just for a few days… maybe im over thinking it…maybe im over thinking everything these days…i was getting grouchy…i was ready to switch to ginger ale….i just wanted to get back to my place…crawl into a warm dry bed…. snuggle down… but….here i was in VA at two in the morning…

thank god….he made the right offer…

and well….

bob and ediths is too hard to pass up…

fried eggs and grits…

then he put his ride into gear (sometimes i forget how much i like to watch boys drive) and we headed back across the river…

home…

the lesbians were wrapping up their party next door…. and one of them was sitting in a wheeled office chair while her friends pushed her down the sidewalk …spinning…in the rain…

two kids “security personnel” brought me an end of the night “goodie bag” from the club owner… and ….well….its nice to be back in my neighborhood…

and

then….in the morning… i wake up to a text from the rockstar…

hes in town…

want to get breakfast???

there can be a beautiful symmetry to starting a morning …

the same way you finished the evening…

with a boy who doesnt ask too many questions…and a bowl of grits….

maybe in another life… it would be the SAME boy… morning And night

but frankly…i think i like it my way bettter… at least for now

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

its probably the vodka talking…but whatevs … you deserve it…. youve been xxxtra patient with me…

you deserve a post….

soooo ive been sick…i know youre allll tired of hearing it…. not as tired as i am of battling the flu ebloa virus …but…. tired… sooo ….. a few times i managed to drag myself out of bed and stir up trouble… a couple of times…i thought i was better for a day or two… then BAM…back to bed with boxes of PuffsUltra… its the little in between bits that im gonna try to put down in words here… maybe a list would work?? ill try…in no particular order…..

  • went to brunch at 12:30 at a tex mex place….and it ended at 1:30 am crashing a corner vip booth and getting felt up by lesbians in a club….with quick side trips to a swanky furniture store and a crowded irish pub…..some days…. the party starts early….
  • spent valentines day with this fella…. whatever…. he was persistent….and sweet…
  • accidentally called a clients laptop…his porn player… in a big ole business meeting…. as in… “here *dude* (not his real name) pass me your porn player….i know how to make it work for you “…..when the room went dead silent…. i then added…ever so professionally… “umm…. i guess…..thats what she said?”…. in spite of… or because of?? not sure which… i still got the job…
  • pretty sure i gave myself heavy metal poisoning … trying to eat cracker barrel cheese and instead eating a bunch of the wrapper…. yeah i know…must be a blond thing….
  • kissed a boy from NYC…prob gave him the Ebola virus…oops sorry dude…
  • found myself driving skidding across the TR Bridge during a random winter storm that pretty much reduced “sex on wheels” to a very expensive sled… if not for the weird as hell hours that i keep… im sure i woulda totally crashed….DO NOT WANT!!!
  • encountered the following clusterfuck minor setbacks trying to make Lemmonex’s champagne pear cupcakes
    • no mixer in my kitchen
    • no grater in my kitchen
    • no cupcake tin in my kitchen
    • no measuring cups
    • no measuring spoons
    • no knife (ok ok … there are a few butter knives and two steak knives that i stole from the austin grill…fucking classy eh??)…i know the recipe doesnt call for knives..but at this point….i wanted to stab something
    • no mixing bowls (only chinese rice bowls… go figure)
    • couldnt open the champagne bottle ……isnt THAT what boys are for?????
    • dont have foggiest idea how to “sift” things together….is that somehow different from stirring???
    • cant exactly turn on the oven portion of my stove…. its gas… im afraid im gonna kill myself…sticking my head in the oven to peek in and see if i can see that wee bit of blue flame under the pan thingy…and trying turn the knob and adjust the gas flow at the same time….
  • and…last but not least…i was wearing these panties…..

essential sex kitten 2.0.....
i know, i know…. who still wears panties????

but …i do …cause they are cute….

and i was wearing these…

cause they were new…but they were scrunching up under my jeans… sooo….

i decided kamakazi was a better idea…

sooo….. i go to the ladies room…. pull off my jeans… and was taking my panties off…when they got tangled in my 5 inch tall “free gas” stilettos… this sends me careening and i certainly would have fallen completely over…but the stall was small…. so i kinda caught myself with my elbow but not before i slam my hip into the toilet paper holder and in the process… manage to knock my jeans over and into the toilet….. yep…sugarbabies….. being a sex kitten…. is NOT all bonbons and bacon ice cream…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

you know how fickle i can be….

i bore soooo easily…..

so while drifting in and out of a cold medicine induced coma…. (the dr says it is the flu..but im pretty sure it must be the ebola virus…cause ive never been so sick in my life) i left the television porn player tuned to current..

a lot of my friends/family are in the entertainment/media business so …they introduced me to it pretty early and.. well….. when it came up in conversation recently and several folks here in dc didnt know what i was talking about…. i was kinda shocked…

what?? you dont watch current???

babies….its the only channel i DO watch (not counting my guilty pleasures CSI and Law & Order…)

the seven min bursts of viewer created content…kind of annoyingly referred to as “pods”…. is perfect for ADD, pop culture junkies….

i know what you are thinking…you tube…on the tv…but thats not quite it…..

nobody has been more surprised than me over the past year or two at the consistently good content…provided by everyday assholes… us… the viewers…

production values vary and some of the pieces (i just cant call them “pods” sorry…) are glossier than others… but none of it feels like it has been filtered through the mainstream news channels, executive committees or test marketed in the midwest…that alone makes it feel..well not quite raw..but fresh…

now dont get me wrong…its not the wild west… and not EVERY idiot gets his piece on the tely… although a few memorable ones for me included:

  • following along when a chick goes for her first colonic… it was a train wreck i couldnt turn away
  • a transgendered llama farmer that repeatedly (and kinda creepily) referes to his llama as sexy legs…
  • a libertarian conspiracy to take over new hampshire …which actually sounds kinda cool…

but more often than not the stories are small…personal… and… surprisingly good…

  • russian skin heads that have taken to attacking immigrants or non-russians and posting the videos online
  • sloppy joe night at an orphanage in kenya… where all the children have HIV
  • three generations of soldiers speak candidly about war
  • a water gun spy/assassination tournament….. geek much?
  • a street art program here in DC that interviews local artist James Coleman

there is a process to getting your video on current… and frankly….im not sure what it is….cause i have never taken the time to figure it out… but it involves the website and prob. some other stuff…

and oh yeah… i forgot..i think al gore is on the board of the company that owns current…. so i guess now he can say he invented television too… but whatevs…. i still like it..

i think you can find it everywhere…..here in dc on….cockcast channel 107 … and 366 on direct tv….

enjoy…

and tomorrow il type up the stuff you realllly come here for… the trash talk about the boys and who i may have infected with the ebola virus…

xoxo

sugababies…

i cant remember the last time i had sex…

sad… i know…

meanwhile my electric bill has tripled…go figure…

things i heart...

maybe the dry spell is because

ive been sick… for like a solid month…flu-eeeww

OR maybe

because ive been traveling …though now that i think about it… that rarely stops me …

…i kinda heart –on the road sex

not IN the ROAD sex..although ok ok id prob like that too… but yeah..umm where was i?? On the Road Sex…yeah… its great..

  • nobody wants to be your “boyfriend”… AND
  • nobody goes looking for your blog…

… its not not as good as my HITACHI…. but hell…so few things in life are….dear baby jebus..thank you for the hitachi …i*heart* it very very much….

but seriously…even if it is only to get Al Gore and his team of smaller carbon footprint hippies…off my back *so to speak*…..

i should realllly get laid….soon…..

ok..ok… back to our regularly scheduled programming…

things i heart:

PINK

i cant believe nobody invented this before now!

pinkits vodka WITH caffine…

now there is no need for me to drink coffee in the morning!!! i can go straight to vodka tonics with no reservations….and its pretty…

ZOLA

the lobster mac and cheese… still my fave comfort food… add the

bombe chocolate bombe and…

well this blond..is in a lil culinary comfort coma… not to mention snuggling in their bar all cozy and candlelit watching the world walk by freezing their nuts off… is a great way to spend an evening and a couple of hundred bucks….

BLISS

i know my life is really great… because i can honestly say that some days…the biggest decision i have to make.. is…

lemon + sage OR vanilla + bergamot (its a fruit thing..i had to google it too)

things i heart...things i heart...

but then i love all bliss…

call me a bliss junkie…

who can resist

soft, slippery AND smells good… whats not love??

and last but certainly not least….

i heart this place…

CRAZY BLIND DATE

these folks will set you up on a date in like fifteen min!..i know… i know….

it sounds a little dangerous… but damn….. y’all know me… i like that in a date!

xoxo

sugarbabies…

never:

  • let a (fresh off the boat) lebanese dude named andre’ do your eyebrows….
  • book a trip to detroit in february …
  • forget to pack socks if you go to detroit in february…
  • forget that “stick” and “tranny” mean something different when your talking about car parts
  • book a waxing and THEN a full body sea salt scrub…..
  • eat popcorn when you have a loose filling…
  • make the mistake of confusing Glen Burnie and Glen Echo….umm..not the same place…
  • wear an obscenely expensive suit to any meeting that may include any sort of “site visit”
  • assume that a fella in a REALLLY big dirty truck… doesnt have an 80 acre estate nestled along the potomac
  • order the bang bang shrimp from this place with out ordering extra water…
  • accept.. “im not getting paid sooo youre not getting paid” as an answer from a client…
  • trade a white christian dior leather motorcycle jacket for …welll… for anything…

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…..

i had a post allll about my weekend and putting up the vintage aluminum christmas tree… and how i got some cowboys to help me…and the speeding ticket …. that would have been “reckless” ’cause well you know…..evidently i changed lanes something like 7 times in three miles…and at speeds over 75mph…. i didnt tell him i would have been doing about 95 BUT i was texting someone….

ok yeah..well nevermind about alll that…. cause….*sigh* last night…i found the PuuuuRFECT trench coat… you know ….tan …shoulder epaulets … a perfectly proportioned collar…belted… just the right length (neverrr happens)… the poor thing is just beggging….as in on its knees …. for some dark glasses ….. and naughty underthings…..

blond ultimatum...

a christmas freaking miracle…..

ahh…. im sooo in love……

xoxo

sugarbabies…

i know i know… i complained a lot…but… last week.. i was on my own.. no A-cups….

by thursday night i was begging friends to search their purse for stray valium… thank god i have the kind of friends that

a) have stray valium in their purse and

b) are generous enough to share…

soooo… last week..i worked thirteen hour days… and not just lunching and cocktailing my way through the day..nope… i answered th phone, i filed (at least now i have an excuse for my bucked-up manicure), i even MADE MY OWN COFFEE…damn it…

I Miss My Little A-Cups

little a-cups found a great new job…good for her…i suppose…i mean TOLD her to “look”… but damn… i thought it would take a while!!! damn damn damn…poor planning on my part what with the holidays and all…

oh fuck…now i sound like a whiny diva…sorry santa baby…

but damn… i think i am…and obviously it takes a “team”…to be this..umm…whats the word??… sane??

soooo this morning i promptly placed an add…

there has to be some college kid out there who wants to make the coffee and run “sex on wheels” through the car wash … i think… i could have done it last week… if it hadnt been for the coffee thing… a girl neeeds her caffine…. and cocktails….damn…i realllly wish i had time to make this clever and all…..well…..umm… it would be wayyy better if i had an assistant…

but… now…

…i have to go to Neiman Marcus….im gonna have to stock the supply closet myself…mother of god…this is dangerous…its freaking christmas time…. i should NOT be within 200 yards of a certain pair of patent leather valentino platform stilettos… this can only lead to sex reallllly bad behavior….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

traffic ..is just a fact of life around here… soo… best plan … make the most of it… have some fun…like me..this morning… when im bored.. and traffic is moving slow…

i like to play a little game i call……. Catch a Cowboy..

where i give myself six red lights to get a victim boy to ask for my number……

so this morning it went down like this….

930 am morning traffic…on constitution ave…at 6th street

dwight yokum in the cd player… yodeling away…

sex on wheels and i roll up to the light….next to …

a REALLLY big monster of a midnight blue… turbo diesel… extended cab…long bed…F-350 ..

with a cute little boy at the wheel… whose panties could stay dry next that???

sooo… i had locked onto a target…..

7th street …light…a little eyelash batting…some hair tossing… and i had his full attention…

9th street … light…hes trying to get my attention…

so…. i smile…. and shift gears…make a pouty face…as the light changes…

i buzz through a few greens…and worry for a moment that he might take out a pedestrian trying to stay with me…. sex on wheels is a little easier to maneuver in the city than his monster truck… but…he manages to bully his way through… and sidles up next to us…grinning… at the

14th street…. light…so … i smile and nod … put down my lip gloss

typical…now that he has my attention..he doesnt know what to do with me….hahaha… and he gets bashful…i know ive only got a few more lights to go… sooo….i take charge and ask him…

SB: “are you a cowboy??

now hes completely flustered…. and its cute… and im having too much fun to stop …so … i push it into gear… knowing its sexy when i push in the clutch and nudge sex on wheels into first…and she growls a little…

he finallly comes back with… “do you want me to be a cowboy??” not THE best answer but it keeps him in the game…

soo… the light changes and sex on wheels and i give him a break…and let him ride along next to us to the next one..

In front of the Wash Monument…light…. i glance over at him all girlie and coy….

and replied…

SB: “well…you know…… there IS a test to see if youre a cowboy….do you wanna take it????

he has no idea what to do with me… and he looks a little scared now…

this is fun…

he nods as the light changes…

he falls behind as traffic crowds him to get onto Virginia Ave… but he manages to catch back up by the time i roll to a stop at the 19th street light

SB: “first question… do you have any…rope???

he blushes… really… he turned fevered red…and im willing to bet…he started sweating… it was a short light.. and it changed…..

now…ive got one light to convince him that he has what it takes…to ask for my number… and no guarantee that the quick succession of lights before i get to 66 will be red… so …im debating my strategy…. when he whips the big truck in front of me and sex on wheels... and angles it slightly…blocking the road…and jumps out!!!….

DAMN….the cowboy is blocking CONSTITUTION AVE at Rush hour!!!

damn..i never had this happen before…maybe hes not as afraid as i thought he was…

all i can think is….way to cowboy up… cutiepie…

he reaches out to shake my hand and says …

Cowboy: “hi maam…im cowboy ____ and id really like to buy you coffee….

i counted that as a win…

soo hes going on about how hes never done this before… how hes not a serial killer… and hes pushing his business card into my hand…

so… i smile… and nod…. and bat my eyelashes….

and handed him one of my cards… it just says…

smile if you wanna get me in bed

xoxo


sugarbabies….

im a simple girl…dont laugh..its true…

ok ok .. a lot of my hoodies and t shirts are cashmere…but…you know… simple cashmere…

sooo…when Abdul (the cutest driver in DC… in a simple black town car) .. picked us up last night…. we went across the river to one of my fave little hole in the wall cafe’s for a bite…

IOTA

they have a new chef….so i was a teeny bit apprehensive.. BUT… i am happy to report..

that the new guy… is doing great….maybe even better than the last fella…

the salmon with ginger something … was great..a little sweet..maybe a honey glaze???

and the Burger… (boring i know …but i was feeling carnivorous..) was one of the best ive had of late…

the music was free.. open mike night… sometimes you get what you pay for…but…

generally speaking they have great music..

billy joe shaver, james mcmurtry, nora jones, etc etc have all graced the stage….

when i excused myself to “powder my nose” … i started chatting with the waitress…she asked how every thing was…and i must have sounded like more of a foodie than i am …because the chef introduced himself…

turns out …he used to live in my town in NC … sooo …when i asked if he could whip up my hometown fave… shrimp and grits….

a big ole grin crossed his face…

he told me … he would put grits in the kitchen…not on the menu, mind you

and next time …

he promised…

grinning slyly… to reallly impress me…

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

my tolerance for douchbagy behavior is at an all time low… rrgh…it went something like this….
4pm… text message from realllly rich man boy i used to see kinda often…

Im in town can i buy you a drink…

  • douch move..if you haven’t seen me in mos. freaking call…i know rejection is easier in the form of a text…but grow some balls…call

i responded that i was tied up til late (not that way…*sigh*…i wish..)

he insisted…..would 8pm be late enough?…

  • douche move..take no for an answer

i reluctantly agreed…

About 6pm i thought about canceling…but…

before i could… i get another text saying hes at one of the new uber fancy bars in my neighborhood.. waiting…

rrrgh.. TWO HOURS EARLY….

  • third douche move in two hours…not good

i sucked it up and thought..ok… well hes close by… i can do it…

i sighed as i turned off … a really good episode of CSI…

and walked out into the cold…

things went ok for about 15 min… he asked how i had been.. and almost managed to look like he cared…

i explained that i :

  • had been realllly busy….ugh…
  • was reallly exhausted… and..
  • a good friends young daughter had been diagnosed with some realllly freaking scary asss medical shit….

through that conversation ..i stayed upbeat and positive…

BUT then… he said how he had been dealing with some real shit too..

oh no! i thought… thinking of his aging parents or some such thing…

…and im not making this up…

he starts going offff…about how he cant get the phone in his new Mercedes to work…

he works himself all up…slamming his phone on the bar…

  • psycho douche move

now granted it can be frustrating to pay 90k for a new car and then have shit not work…

but damn it…

that is NOT a real problem

that is an inconvenience… there is a difference…

and if you have sooo much money that your attorney suggests that you start a charitable fund..to defray your tax liability….you should to know it…..

  • douche move…I don’t want to sit in a bar and just nod my head at your silly rant… conversations go two ways…

quite frankly…the whole thing turned my stomach….

to the point that i told him…

umm ..look ..im gonna pass on the dinner offer….im really tired…

soooo then…. he invited me to a big party on sat night… in Miami

  • douche move…but..hey… who is counting???and i left out a few others…

Oh..wish i could… i said…but i already have plans…

that MADE HIM MAD…. no shit!!!

  • douche move ..uh..youre upset that I cant go to a party in ANOTHER state without more than three days notice?? Fuck You…if i even LIKED you at the moment..i might consider it..but um…i dont…

i also told him:

“look sugarpie…youve had a few more drinks than me…so im gonna chalk it up to that..but…im sorry to have to be the one to tell you… you have waay toooo good a life to be concentrating on a bunch of petty negative shit… none of your problems cant be fixed with money..and you have plenty of it…”

and i left…

WORST PART… i looked freaking stunning…

what a fucking waste….

after i ditched him i went to chipotle…

ordered a chicken bowl… i watched the girl put a sloppy spoonful of guac on the top…

at that moment..

i knew id made the right decision… walking away from him…

i deleted him from my cell phone…

paid for my chicken bowl…

and walked quite contentedly back out into the cold…

xoxo

 

 

UPDATE: i got a text this morning saying please dont contact him…. ummm..dude..i have NEVER contacted YOU…i dont call boys….. maybe YOU should stop contacting ME…ya think??..you f-ing psycho!!

hi sugarbabies…

well… i learned a little something about myself this week… well actually my assistant “A-cups” brought it to my attention…

she started with…“of all the places ive ever worked… you certainly have your own ideas about how to properly stock an office supply closet” she went on to say….something along the lines of… never before having to go to Neiman Marcus to “re-stock” the office supplies….

evidently (and how would i know???) not all supply closets feature the same items…personally… i think it just depends on your type of work…. but…since we have been moving our office ….we did a little inventory:

  • Three shades of Chanel Nail Polish (vamp, noir, and shanghai red)….
  • Emergency Aqua Ban…
  • Emergency stash of valium
  • Two pair of Lucky Brand Jeans
  • Two Johnson Motors Inc. T Shirts
  • Various bottles of assorted hotel shampoos/conditioners/lotions etc..
  • One black Kenneth Cole swim suit
  • STACKS of Paper Source Luxe Blush flat cards and envelopes
  • One bottle of eyelash adhesive (no eyelashes…must be time to re-order)
  • One bottle of Chanel No. 5
  • Several Strobe Lights (dont ask)
  • A stack of “why not Kinky in 2006″ bumper stickers
  • A few ladies “intimates” …boom chika wah wah
  • Two Sage and Citrus electric room scents..my office smells wicked good
  • One red table cloth
  • One spare case of Voss water… sparkling
  • One pair of pointy black stilettos
  • One pair of puma sneakers
  • One pair of strappy sandles
  • Five pages of Mendez vs. Westminster first class stamps
  • Stacks of cool cds including: steve earle, johnny cash, thievery corp, my life with the thrill kill kult, marilyn manson, beck, old 97’s and heather nova…
  • One vintage racing helmet
  • One Medium Black Overnight Bag
  • One small guitar amp
  • One case of Letter sized premium multi purpose paper
  • One box of yellow highlighters
  • One box of pens
  • One toner cartridge…. that we have NO IDEA what machine it might go in…
  • Two small sesow paintings

I explained to her that i only know what supplies it takes for ME to function..i have no idea what IBM considers a properly stocked supply closet…

What i am sure of….is..

that if we had what i can only imagine are more “traditional” supplies in our closet…

we wouldnt have to go to Office Depot almost every day….

BUT….

office depot isnt THAT bad… i dont mind going…

its worth it…. to be able to say…

“sure… i can be on that flight to the bahamas tonight”

some things that are more important than efficiency….

xoxo

sugarbabies..

its all about size..right??? sooo over the weekend…..i convinced bribed a boy…with promises of porn filled evenings… if he would go with me to buy a reallllly big television porn player… (sex on wheels” can only handle about 18″ …. which …is not that big in the world of porn)…. sooo we climbed into his truck and headed to Virginia….where tvs are bigger and taxes are lower….

but alas….it seems jesse janes dvd

jesse jane

is sooo hot it freaked out the built in dvd player in the new porn player(pp).

worst part…. the machine wouldnt give back the disc it had swallowed… a primo piece of andrew blake…art porn…

so what did we do??? naturally … we stuck ANOTHER movie in the slot… (insert your own “slot” joke here)

you can guess what a good plan that turned out to be…

now the fucker had TWO good dvds…and…

refused to barf em back out…great….

sooo..we decided the new pp was prob. cursed… morman… or at the very least anal retentive…im pretty sure thats what freud say bout it swallowing my porn…and not “returning” it…right???

we boxed that whack job back up….and hauled the monstrosity back to the store…

porn and all..

the GEEK SQUAD was called in to try to retrieve the dvds from the locked jaws of the new porn player…but….

they were not successful…

bad strategy on my part..i told em what was in there…..like they were gonna try very hard after they heard that…i bet soon as i left..they ripped that bastard apart…

soooo

a new porn player (pp) was purchased…

and socks…

ahhhh…life is good…

when your feet are warm and your pp is working…

xoxo

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