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brunch starts late at the passenger… and its cocktail heavy…not silly mimosas… real hardcore cocktails…  sidecars…manhattans…concoctions with bits of dandelion, egg whites and orange peel… i should have known things would go south when they pulled a ladder out of the back so the bartender could reach the good stuff…and …in retrospect the biscuit buried in a bowl of gravy prob wasnt enough to soak up the shots of assorted spirits…which probably made the drama that wound its way back and forth between the sidewalk… the bar.. and the psychotronic film society screening  in the back …all the more…well… dramatic…and…

when i stepped on the sidewalk to bum a drag off some guys smoke…i was surprised that it was dark… but surprised in a good way… i like the dark…especially if its a hot dark… the secret service had broken up a fight on this bit of sidewalk the night before …  animated conversations were taking place in the nearby doorways tonight… it felt like summer…it happens like this when its hot… but thats another story… this story is about ME…going back inside…  a hand on my back…in a too dirty too dark dive bar loo…after too many muddled fruit cocktails… feeling something slip…hearing the metallic clink…  closing my eyes… realizing it… and thinking…its ok…to let it go…. and giving up a little bit of me… a little bit of mcqueen… thinking …

Lee probably would have liked this slightly hipster driven dive bar with surprisingly good food… great cocktails…and very little pretense… and… then…. just pushing the handle…pulling the metaphoric trigger…

he turned his inner demons outward for us… his struggle was familiar and that familiarity bred a certain comfort…yeah…thats the right word…comfort… i took comfort in his work… i still think of him every day….but i wont be sliding his ring on my finger anymore…im facing my own demons… and im doing it alone… because whether the harsh light of day or the darkest part of the night… that’s really the only way that you can face them…

god save mcqueen….

god save the district…

god save us all…

xoxo

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sugarbabies…

i dont lean toward the dramatic…ok maybe i do…im  a leo…its in my genetic makeup…and… my relationship with fashion…well…its complicated…but its true that im not at allll trying to be dramatic when i say that…sometimes i can go almost two days without thinking

fucking hell…mcqueen …is gone….

mostly i think of him while im dressing… sliding on his bangle… ring… or shoe .. i reach for the iconic silk scarves less this time of year… partly because i want a warmer cashmere and partly because i treasure them more than ever and figure most of my meetings dont deserve him…

i miss him

and its a selfish miss….if there was anything that i needed to work on but was uninspired…id merely put it off and wait for fashion week to roll around… and just let him inspire me in some direction..(im a lazy bitch we have covered that before)…and every season… id be all …“oh im not gonna get my hopes up last season was soooo good surely this one will be a let down”.… but it never was…. there was a double amputee model on carved wooden legs for christs sake… there were paint spraying robots painting white cotton dresses as models sauntered down the runway…and the shoes… omg…every season the shoes….the amazing red cape that hes quoted as saying came from a  “sinister place“… the sequins that were more like scales…etc. etc. etc…::sigh::

i even turned to my asst  after his last show watching those crazy claw shoes and the undersea creature platforms and said …

“well he can die happy  now he’s never gonna top that”….

but i didnt mean it…

and it wasnt  true…. the stuff that he had ready for the next season was spectacular… and morbid… and genius…

and well…. its fashion week…and every time someone says something about it …. i just kinda shrug …

I am sure that there are new and talented designers out there….and i am sure i would find them inspiring …. i even like the stuff his house has been putting out since his passing- those kids  are working hard to be true to his vision (as if we could know it)… but ….

im not ready yet…

im still grieving l’enfant terrible

the king is dead…….. long live mcqueen

xoxo


the king is dead..long live mcqueen...

sugarbabies…

i can see the sun for the first time in weeks…AND its hovering at 50 degrees outside… practically the tropics…  feels delicious… tomorrow the man says it will be gray and cold again… but for the moment im soaking it in…tomorrow ill go back to chasing winter blues off with a few of my favorite things…

1) Kate Spade clutch… cute right? and the clutch is half the price of a bag…i never got on the HUGE handbag bandwagon… i could pack for a long weekend in those purses….including tossing alice in there…. katespade.com

2) white dinner plates.. let the food be the star and change up your whole tablescape with just new salad plates….i got mine at west elm they were closing the store i got an even deeeper discount when i offered to buy out alllll of their stock …

3) fluffy white egyptian cotton towels (always available at TJMaxx) and a fluffy white robe…instant spa.. . also you can easily supplement if any fancy hotel towels accidentally follow you home (dont worry they are easier to keep clean you can toss a wee bit o bleach in the wash with ’em ….& you alll know i *heart* bleach!)

4) MAC Chill white eye shadow swept across the browbone…instant facelift

5) borrow grandmas pearls…they are never wrong but i especially love them in winter…the longer the strand the better the more of them the merrier…

6) while you are stealing err borrowing grandmas jewelry …grab your boyfriends white shirt…i dont care if you dont technically have a boyfriend…you know SOME boy…. grab his shirt and go all risky business… its sexy and comfortable..and trust me… those dont get thrown into the same sentence very often …take advantage

7) glam up everything with an enamal cuff … all the biggest designers have them … maybe your suit isnt chanel…your bracelet can be mcqueen… and they make a great gift…  net.a.porter.com

8.) iphone cover… i dont leave home without my iphone… i can even use it to buy my coffee now…soo… this lil cover keeps it protected…without sacrificing that clean apple aesthetic… this one is from modcloth

9) flowers flowers flowers… i like white ones…and tulips were $5 a bunch in safeway yesterday…just do it…

10) organize organize organize… i use these boxes from ikea $5 for a set … i feel sooo much better when things are tidy… and…. its tooo cold to go outside anyway… stay in & spend the day with your junk drawer you’ll feel better for it…organization is sexy…so is being able to find the scotch tape/ibuprofen/flashlight when you need em..im just saying

xoxo

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