funk me…

…growing up in dc…

our next door neighbors were two elderly/retired catholic nuns….

on summer Saturdays my “chore list” included weeding the tree box… i always cleaned Miss Anna & Miss Marys tree box too and they always handed me a silver dollar for my trouble… on one particular hot afternoon in july, Miss Anna was sitting on the stoop while i was pulling trash from the tree box when Miss Mary propped her “radio box” in the open window …we all smiled at each other when the music started…

and then the three of us were dancing…on the sidewalk…my brother came from somewhere, at first he was laughing at us …but then he was bobbing too….with a broom…

its one of my fondest childhood memories…and it was the first time i heard chuck brown…

RIP and godspeed to the godfather of go-go…. get get get get on down….

xoxo

Chuck Brown…if you grew up in DC he was your Godfather…
” the godfather of go-go”

sucker bets…

If anybody has an acquaintance with sucker bets its prob me… i can be shortsighted and have you met me???

instant gratification is my middle name…

so when the odds dont figure and the payoff is less than the put in…

well you’ve just described almost every relationship i have ever been in

… and sooo…  this morning as i was walking alice we passed a group of homeless men and

i noticed one fella…. on his IPHONE (shit you not)

animatedly talking to his bookie bout the “taking Miami”

he eye raped gave me and alice the ‘ole up/down gaze…

pulled his phone from his ear and asked

“baby.. can ya spare any cash money for your man today” ???

annnd yeah  i told him the first thing that popped into my head which was…

“ya shouldve taken the knicks…… cocksucker”

xoxo

while we were dreaming…

“and if i could find your heart…id pull it from your chest…smash it with my fist…til it was beating…

…and if theres a hole inside…heaven in your bed…cause the angel you kissed… just left you bleeding”  ~pink mountaintops

suckerpunch…

“Who honors those we love with the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we’ll never die? Who teaches us what’s real, and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live, and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us, and who holds the key to set us free? It’s you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!”  ~sweet pea

I like this movie more every time i watch it…mostly cause the false eyelashes are epic…

also….am i the only one who JUST realized that selena gomez & vanessa hudgens are not the same person ??

xoxo

what i wore: the working a saki/beer garden edition

just another lover on the ledge…

…insomnia is a bigger bitch than me…

and she works a number on your skin your hair your overall disposition…and … i have had a hard go of it lately ….all round… from all sides work/home/friends/lovers….just really fu(like every  cliché you ever heard) to music….and while nobody sings the blues like muddy and everybody knows i love me some johnny cash…sad twangy county music isn’t always the road i choose…sometimes i like it a little darker…sometimes i wanna hear about lovers and ledges and about knowing what i ought to do but doing wrong anyway.. … and when that’s the case i dig out the cd this lil goth band from way back … Tapping the Vein…whose album The Damage has been spot on for me a few times over the years…this past week it has been blaring from my car stereo…. these are the two getting the heaviest rotation right now…

related: pretty sure  some folks in my garage hate me right now…

if you need me i’ll be musing… in mexico…

i used to be a muse…professionally… sometimes i still am… it doesnt pay what it used to … so when he asked me this time… i said

“make me an offer i cant refuse”…

“the water is salty and so are the margaritas” …

here we go again…..obvi

xoxo

cardigan sweater

She looks into a security camera
she’d flash the motherfuckers but she’s late for the club
One’a the drag queens has been practicing her routine all week
‘Only reason she’s goin
is because that bitch has the fuckin cardigan sweater
and when that bitch steps off stage
she’s gonna rescue the cardigan sweater from that bitch
because some other bitch will freak out if that bitch fucks up
the fuckin cardigan sweater
Why the fuck that bitch left her fuckin cardigan sweater at her house
is unknowable
The bitch knows she hangs out with drag queens;
it isn’t her fault she’s got a bunch of 45s from the 50s
– what the fuck did she expect?
She stops smiling into a security camera
and waves
“Hi cutie” she mouths
“Hey she’s wavin’ at you man”
I step into the scene:
Let’s get outa here she says
Next day I dress her up in stiletto heels and that cardigan sweater
and chase her around her house with a wooden spoon
for the afternoon
Her wrists are crossed and tied to the bed-post now
“You look pretty fuckin good in a cardigan sweater,” I say
She looks through me
“Do me”

~poet to be named later

an open letter to google+

Dear google+

thanks for threatening to suspend allll of my google services because you dont like my name…

if Gweneth Paltrow can name her daughter Apple (bet you wouldnt want that to catch on) and Jason Lee  can name his kid Pilot Inspektor … and i worked with a kid named An2mar (with the number 2 for fucks sake)… then who are you to say i cant be SuicideBlond? … my LinkedIn profile  is suicide blond, my Facebook page is suicide blond, my Twitter is @suicideblond my About.Me page is suicide_blond….my entire online presence is suicide_blond…. i have a credit card here from Chase Manhattan with the name suicide blond on it…my New Yorker magazine subscription comes to suicide_blond ….Klout sends perks to Suicide Blond pretty regularly (thanks kids!!) so maybe its not just my “online presence”….maybe the lines between IRL and Online are fuzzy…

but really…whats it to you and why is my name any of your business??? What name would satisfy you?  the name on my birth certificate or the name my mother calls me, or maybe the name on my diploma or perhaps my confirmation name according to the catholic church….none of those are the same….

all of them are perfectly legitimate…

oh and thanks (i guess) for mentioning that i could still use Gmail… suicide_blond has been around since before Gmail existed… she doesnt take well to bullies and she still uses Yahoo…

...fml ..ive just referred to myself in the 3rd person…

but all of that aside…

i deleted my google+ account ages ago… google+ sucks…you have bigger problems than what name i answer to…and trust me… suicide_blond is one of the nicer ones….

xoxo

the road less travelled…

Sent with love from the road less traveled- (aka my iPhone) xoxo

Tale of a sex kitten and TWO gentlemen…

yes…when a sex kitten goes to the theater… shes there for TWO Gentlemen…and well… this sex kitten did not leave unsatisfied….

its a purrrfectly delightful way to spend an evening…with Valentine no less

xoxo

being earnest….

via: theBerry.com

DC for Life…

THINGS that DO NOT really bother me about life in DC:

 traffic…motorcades… parades… protests… heads of state closing my fave eaterys…

needing a pepco bill (’cause those are impossible to fake??WTF?) to gain entrance to my block during the WMF meetings…

high taxes, nonexistent services {read: pot holes, rats, shitty cable/internet}

sharing my commute with thousands of tourists and their sullen teens which are better than their double strollers on the metro…

interns that are more arrogant than the politicians they work for…

preppy lily pulitzer wearing girls in the summer (ok ok they kind of bother me)

North African diplomats who wont shake my hand cause i have a vagina…whateves he prob doesnt wash his hands after handling his junk anyway

 

THINGS that DO bother me about life in DC:

pro life rallys full of bused in tweens…

how bout you protest with grownups… stay out of my uterus…. and off my front porch…..

 

xoxo

 

sooo you want to know what i look like… naked…

SOPA

power

Public Service Announcement… the much ado about nothing edition…

last night i scored two coveted third row aisle orchestra seats to the Shakespeare Theatre Companys production of Much Ado About Nothing..

for an extremely long time  i’ve had an annual  subscription to the Shakespeare Theatre Company last year i let it lapse sooo …i hadnt bought a ticket at the physical brick and mortar box office… in a reallllllly long time now that i think of it…EVER….little did i know i was doing it wrong…last night i walked up to the window 30 min before curtain time… i smiled broadly at the girl & asked if they could squeeze two more into the show for that night… she looked me &  my campadre over…“lets see what we can do”…she offered. then mi compadre said “oh! do you have a student discount?” and she began rummaging around for her student ID… the girl kind of nodded…  and while i knew that they offered “a limited number of discounted tickets to younger patrons”  i had never really thought about it…

the girl behind the window pulled out a seating chart… and i told her ” just whatever is your best available we will take it” … Voila! she pointed at the 3rd row … “Great!”  i said reaching for my credit card…“that will be $30.00” she said flatly… i must have looked shocked because she started to explain…”they are 15 EACH“  now like i said ive been going to that theater for a looong time.. so i knew those were $105.00 tickets…and lets face it i was a little  stunned that she assumed i too was a student… can you say ego boost?? …later i discovered it isnt really a “student” discount its an “under 35” discount whateves even better the more the merrier!

Look…maybe I AM  making much ado about nothing… (sorry couldnt help myself) but…you cant see a movie in this town for that price…TSC is arguably one of the best shakespearean theatres in the world…15.00 is an absurdly good price for ANY seat in the gorgeous new facility that is Sydney Harmon (there are NO bad seats)…

the show which is set in 30′s cuba and is full of  belly laughs cuban music dancing and steamy frolicking its a perfect lil mental vacation/get away from the cold that is a dc winter…

sooo there is really no excuse…

for gods sake…

come on down..the price is right!

xoxo

meanwhile in liberia…

via imgur.com

dont know what it says about me… but my first thought when i saw this pic was…

wow a ford…in liberia… yo detroit in the house….

also this song was on….

Well I’m a runnin’ down the road try’n to loosen my load
I’ve got seven women on my mind
Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me
One says she’s a friend of mine
Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy
Well, I’m a standin’ on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
Such a fine sight to see
It’s a girl my Lord in a flat-bed Ford
Slowin’ down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don’t say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me
We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again
So open up I’m climbin’ in, so take it easy
Well, I’m a runnin’ down the road tryin’ to loosen my load
Got a world of trouble on my mind
Lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my cover, she’s so hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy
Come on baby, don’t say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me

and then i went to put the turkey in the oven… and thought

damn…i have a lot to be thankful for…

happy holidays sugarbabies…

xoxo

bless this nest… the fall edition

…i suppose its the weather…

but ive been preparing to hibernate… no really …ive been furiously  feathering the nest lately …a warm fall palette of browns/ Hermes oranges and leopard (keeping it sexy) has taken over…ive been layering rugs and hides and blankets and curtains… its full on Game of Thrones in my place right now. …WINTER IS COMING… never fear its still sexy… a glamorous mirrored desk means more working at home..less ruining shoes in slushy streets… an affordable sandwich shop/ bakery opened on my block ….

so i can score  hot cups of joe with alice in tow….

and  dont even have to cross the street …sweeet… i know…

and if you thought it was hard to get me out of the neighborhood before… well…

ill see you next spring …

xoxo

Glam Desk- via West Elm;  re-purposed filing boxes -Hermes; Kassett storage boxes -Ikea; Rug -Ikea; Hand Picked Hair on Hide  -Sunland Home Decor;  Sheepskins – Ikea; Italian Leopard Print Sheets (out of stock) – Overstock ; Fun File Folders – The Paper Store;  Goat Cheese Sandwich – Cowgirl Creamery; To Kill a Mockingbird – Amazon;  Book Book- Macbook Cover – via 12 south  ; Specs- Atticus by  Oliver Peoples

xoxo

legends lost….

i fear for the future… for a generation with no johnny cash, no alexander mcqueen and regrettably as of 10/08/11… no dennis ritchie godspeed… and stealth mode…

xoxo

* For Dennis Ritchie

an open letter about folks that use the word Too…too often:

fuck them….

the ones who say you cant or you shouldn’t…

you’re too old or too fat or too short or too high maintenance

too emo…

too expensive… too cheap … too trusting…

that the men you date are too old or too young…

your hair is too big…

the ones who like to say when and where and how you should be doing it **newsflash** they dont know shit about how you should be doing anything…

the ones who think your style is too flamboyant or your shoes are too tall or your dog is too small

your relationships are too messy

your life is too chaotic

your job is too risky

your car is too ostentatious… your music is too twangy…or your boots are too pointy

the ones who think you stay out too late or go to bed too early …you’re drinking too much or not drinking enough…

dont waste another minute with them…

i dont care if they are neighbors, newbies, lovers, laborers, senators, prisoners or playboys… followers friends or family…

not another moment…

if im too much blond for you…i dont have time for you…

xoxo

ps.. if you want/need engraved stationery to tell em just how you feel… Mr Harrington will happily oblige you here...

made to measure…

Sent with love from the road less traveled- (aka my iPhone) xoxo

a perfect day…

when i walked outside i remember thinking

“what a PERFECT day”….

and it was…a stunningly gorgeous crisp perfect day….

until it wasnt…

and i know its been 10 years… and all … but i dont want to talk about it….

and thats not because i have  forgotten  …or dont remember…

its because i do…

xoxo

only the good die young…

she was a whirlwind of personality and determination…she’d grind out policy with the toughest of them …she was a spitfire…a tiny thing with blond hair and a WTF stare that could make grown men scurry around trying to figure out WTF?  she was southern.. of course…  she’d danced with presidents (the sexy ones) and visited friends in low places…she lived more passionately than anyone i know…she never married… she never had children …and she never wasted a moment regretting her decisions…she talked tough and she backed it up… she shot from the hip and never missed … she never mixed words…and you never wondered what she was thinking…cause she just told you … and…

she was my hero

and now

i wish i had gone over to visit her last week instead of just thinking about it…

i wish i had sent one more card…instead of  letting it sit on my desk…until it was too late…

i wish i had insisted…..instead of letting her convince me that she was too tired for any company…

i wish i had told her the visit was more for me than her…that i missed her… and i wanted to catch her up on so much stuff in my life …drag counsel from her …even though she always said the same thing…

do whats right …kiddo…just do the right thing…

and if you tried to tell her that you didnt know what the “right thing” was..

shed just say…”yes you do…now hand me your glass lets have another drink“

god damn … i could use that drink right about now…

i love you sugar… godspeed…

xoxo

 

 

pulling the triggger…

crayon pirate

“There was a single blue line of crayon drawn across every wall in the house. What does it mean? I said. A pirate needs the sight of the sea, he said & then he pulled his eye patch down & turned and sailed away.”

~ Bryan Andres 1996

have a great weekend …

xoxo

what would johnny cash do…

the facility is new and fancy and federal…and a four-hour drive from dc..

it reminds me of an eerily quiet high school…

im greeted at the front desk by a pretty girl that looks like Raven Symone… with fake eyelashes and perfect MAC makeup… a generic black windbreaker & black pants…she smiles when she takes my id…there are no other people in the lobby… a pizza delivery guy shows up with two pies…. & raven  excuses herself…i read the signs about the dress code while she tries to round-up cash for the pizza guy..

no medical scrubs, no tank tops, no khakis, no grey t-shirts (hmm thats what im wearing) no shorts (oops again) no see thru clothing.. no vulgar words etc…

then raven symone is back and  asks me to pose for a picture…to sign the log book…she asks if i need a locker but all i have are two rolls of quarters… and she smiles and holds them for me as i walk thru the metal detectors… she stamps my hand with an infrared number 7…..  there is a suggestion box hanging on the wall…and a picture of President Obama… i don’t recognize the other official portraits …

she motions for me to wait…while she pushes the two pizzas thru a thing that looks like a late night gas station pass thru…. only heavier… and big enough for a few pizzas…  and then a large metal door opens…on the other side i hold my hand under a black light machine and a man smiles…”lucky no. 7” he says….and i dont know if hes talking to me or to himself… so i just shrug …and follow raven symone farther down the hall…

she opens the door to a large sunny room…filled with uncomfortable plastic chairs … there is a wall of vending machines and there is a group of kids sprawled on the floor playing monopoly and  strangely enough there is a photo backdrop of a garden against a far wall with a family posing for pics…with the “official” photographer… a microwave beeps and the room smells of popcorn…

i find some chairs at the far end of the room…and try to get comfortable…

mercy…forgiveness… 2nd chances…

anyone that knows me will tell you im not big on judgement…

…what i am big on is friendship… friendship for me is pretty sacred …its more than brunchs barbqs and happy hours…sometimes its…  a visiting room… with twenty dollars worth of quarters for a vending machine smorgasbord ….in a bra with no underwire…

xoxo

Eli: It’s a flower of light in a field of darkness and it’s givinn’ me the strength to carry on

Solara: is that from the book?

Eli: No, thats johnny cash …live at folsom prison

~Book of Eli

heat index…

nothing good happens when its this hot after midnight…

we stepped out of the club into hot night air …and a waiting taxi…with no air conditioning…

i leaned into the heat … breathed it …

hot air in your lungs…at 1 am …summer in dc *sigh*

the hair on the back of my neck was damp…hell … most of me was damp….my makeup was a mess…

i think i told him he was an idiot…or something along those lines…

he just laughed and told the taxi where to pull over…

hes a poor planner…or a great one…. im not sure which…

but he walked me into the house…and shoved me against the wall…he kissed me like he meant it…which is how i like it…

and i have to  admit… that if you cant get long necks at an old juke joint / honky tonk in this town… well at least you can roll through dives like the velvet lounge and push over to the 9:30 club  for a good view of a bad (in all the right ways)  rock n roll show …my weakness for such things is … well documented… and 2.5 vodka tonics and a glass of wine will get you just about as far as 3 vodka tonics…my also well documented… limit before poor slutty life choices get made… …which brings us back to my place…

the air conditioning was turned down low…it was cold even… but there was sweat  running down my back…

later…he jumped in the shower…while i …switched on early morning tv

the overdone woman on the weather channel said the heat index was still ridiculously high…

i  opened the fridge…i stood there with the door open sipping a pellegrino limonata…

…i kissed him goodbye…

he smelled like soap… when he headed back out in to the heat…

…to meet his wife…

xoxo

faster pussycat…

xoxo

 

color scheme…

that awkward moment when youre in a swanky K street salon/spa…

getting all sorts of things done (cough *brazilian blowout* cough)

and folks keep telling you how amazing/expensive/ stunning/  your color looks…

and then a client says ..ohhh i want her color…

and everyone looks at the stylist who has been nodding at the color compliments all day…and she shrugs…

and everyone looks at you… and you say…

 i get this $hit for 9 dollars at CVS …

xoxo

suicide_blond = dyed by her own hand

 

in the kitchen with a sex kitten

 

math…