Blonder Than You….

sugar babies…

around one thirty in the morning…the atmosphere at the bar had gone from mellow to….well …you could feel… the soft touch of desperation rolling slowly in…kinda smoke like..gathering in corners and spreading out…. under the swanky lounge chairs and … curling up … toward the bar…

……no wait…that is REAL smoke…oh yeah….im in virginia they still smoke out here….how did i get out here??? jeeezuz…. somebody shoot me… oh yeah…he offered to drive…

girls were forcing laughs…their faces shiny… their lipstick had turned garish… when they leaned back against the divans…they closed their eyes… and you could tell that for them… the room was spinning… more from the cocktails than the dj

the boys were feeling the pressure to make a move soon…or be resigned to going home solo… so they were kicking up their game… and being more touchy feely than they had been earlier in the evening… with one eye checking for other options that were still attainable given the time restraints… it wasnt helping them that mother nature was cock blocking with cold and monsoon rains coming down in sheets …combined with the general apathy that has permeated DC during the last few weeks of an extended primary season… well …poor babies…. it was gonna be an uphill battle…i leaned in and wished one boy luck with a girl who was probably cute when she hadnt been rained on…..he passed his hookah….

oh yeah…fucking hell..im in a eurotrash hookah bar in virginia….somebody pleazzze shoot me

the waitress…was bringing drinks a little slower… trying to get a head start on getting out of there… she was rounding up credit cards…. smiling a little harder…. last call isnt too far off.. she reminds me of someone….i cant think who…maybe kardashians crazy loud sister?? maybe….

but i have to admit…im glad i decided to come out….. i dont do much of ANYTHING that i dont want to…but…i let him talk me into it…. i didnt want to go out..and i certainly didnt want to go out to virginia….(best Tshirt spotted at the black cat last week ..Virginia is for Losers) i DEF… wouldnt have agreed to a hookah bar….

but…. i suck at saying no….

and he offered to drive….

and with sex on wheels..STILLLLLLL in intensive care….out at the dealer….damn… youd think german car parts wouldnt be THAT hard to come by…

so i let him take the lead …..and we headed to an anonymous arlington bar…. it was nice to be in a new neighborhood where nobody knows you… you dont nod slightly to anyone as they acknowledge that you are with a new boy from across the room…with a knowing …if only slight lift of their glass…nobodys eyebrows raise when you walk by with that…”hes cute ..call me later” look

questions piss me off these days… i dont know why…im just not in the mood for them…..and he didnt ask many…sooo that was good… we shared some apple tobacco…he knew the waitress….so the ice never rattled in my glass… and the dj worked a mellow groove between LA cool and NY hot…. the people watching was kind of bland… so when he leaned in and kissed me …it was a welcome diversion…but frankly… i was in a melancholy mood and it was gonna take more than a few vodka tonics and some PDA… to pull me out of it…

and then it comes back to me…ummm yeah…im in hookah bar… one fortyfive ish… a.m… im hungry… i had wiggled out of an earlier dinner date….. (i told you i hadnt wanted to go out) so i hadnt eaten… and the vodka tonics were gonna start to catch up to me…

like i said he didnt want to talk…and that was fine with me…i preferred it…

maybe having sex on wheels in the shop has me soo melancholy…maybe the rain…maybe the cold…. maybe i should go to LA… just for a few days… maybe im over thinking it…maybe im over thinking everything these days…i was getting grouchy…i was ready to switch to ginger ale….i just wanted to get back to my place…crawl into a warm dry bed…. snuggle down… but….here i was in VA at two in the morning…

thank god….he made the right offer…

and well….

bob and ediths is too hard to pass up…

fried eggs and grits…

then he put his ride into gear (sometimes i forget how much i like to watch boys drive) and we headed back across the river…

home…

the lesbians were wrapping up their party next door…. and one of them was sitting in a wheeled office chair while her friends pushed her down the sidewalk …spinning…in the rain…

two kids “security personnel” brought me an end of the night “goodie bag” from the club owner… and ….well….its nice to be back in my neighborhood…

and

then….in the morning… i wake up to a text from the rockstar…

hes in town…

want to get breakfast???

there can be a beautiful symmetry to starting a morning …

the same way you finished the evening…

with a boy who doesnt ask too many questions…and a bowl of grits….

maybe in another life… it would be the SAME boy… morning And night

but frankly…i think i like it my way bettter… at least for now

xoxo

sugarbabies…

even blonds have bad days… like this morning the time i was driving down constitution ave… and when i pushed the clutch with my left foot….it went to the floor with nary annnnny resistance at all….

ahhhh shit….damn it sex on wheels…. dont die…. dont leave me… i need you… i cant get out of this town without you…im NOT leaving you behind…im NOT leaving you HERE… you hear me?? youre too important to me… you were voted best engineered car by a fancy magazine…. what would i do without you????? we are a team…a tiny little topless hard driving sexy six gears double clutching catching boys off guard team…..and….well…. i know you’ve never heard me say it but…. i love you… there…i said it and i dont care who hears me…i LOVE YOU…. please please…. thats good….thats right…. you can do it… if we can just get over the bridge….i think we can make it…

to be continued…..

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

i have a confession to make… im not proud of it.. but… i’m behind on my meme’s… i suck…i know…

so i am probably cheating but im gonna do TWO memes in ONE Post… the first is the Excellent blog Award.. a few weeks ago a super fun blogger The Redneck Romance Writer … said i was…get this…an EXCELLENT BLOG… the rule was i was supposed to nominate 10 blogs i love…. sooooo here goes…10 blogs that i love..and that keep me from getting ANY work done…

Arjewtino.. i know ..EVERYBODY loves this guy..but i cant help it…. he is the three c’s cute committed and candid…. all of which i love in a blogger….plus he answers any jewish questions my shiska booty can come up with.. ..ed note..i mean committed to his blog…he happens to be committed to his fab girlfriend too…but you know….im not as thrilled about that! lol

Bridal Bird… formerly brunch bird … i dont even like wedding related stuff… but this chick…is alll perspective…xoxo

Culinary Couture….she even convinced ME to try to cook a few times!

DCBlogs .. ok..well this one is what i call…. a community maker… by keeping a running live (real time) list of local blogs they have (possibly inadvertently) …fostered a crazy (sometimes in the bad way …sometimes in the best way) community of bloggers that is like no other that i have come across… and well…they are responsible for me blogging at all…. so props to them!

Dealing in Subterfuges….jeebus… i wish i was as clever as this bacon lover.

Decidedly Uncomplicated…. if i ever need “professional help”…this is where ill go first…shes a pro…not the kind of “pro” im always blogging about.. a professional party planner…..we have a reallly similar aesthetic… and her ideas (which she is nice enough to share on her blog) allllllways make perfect simple sense to me

NicolaSix an expat washingtonian… now in jersey…. but still funny, clever, and on my short list

Project Beltway… i dont ALWAYS agree …but i ALWAYS check her out…

Throwing Hammers… ok ..we both grew up in the south and spent some time in baptist schools..which means we prob have a lot of the same hang-ups.. and well…hes just a reallly good writer.. that helps too…but mostly cause he is freaking hysterical…

Violet Blue …sex positive, educated, no-nonsense, eloquent women writers are few and far between….. it makes Violet one of my very faves

FORWARD CHARGE….more meme’s

ok ok… yesterday foodrockz wanted to know some dirty random stuff about me…ok ok…..specifically 7 random things you prob dont know about me….

true confessions of a sex kitten:

1) my grandma was one of the first women nascar drivers…. which SORT OF explains why she drove the getaway car in a bank robbery…. no shit… i couldnt make this shit up… at family reunions..the old people always shake thier heads and say im just like her! lol…in an Ironic twist that only happens in REAL life…my grandfather on the other side … is a famous North Carolina banker…

2) Im really good with numbers..and im reallllly good with money…no kidding.. its true..

3) Its realllly hard to make me mad…… about the only thing that I reallllly cant stand….is when people are rude… not the kind of rude where folks dont know which fork to use…. the kind of rude that puts 4 forks on the table when they KNOW that their guests will be bewildered…

4) I LOVE paper… stationary…. is one of my largest expenditures every year….i love it….i look for ANY excuse to send a note…ive been known to have parties just because i had a really good idea for an invitation…

5) im OCD… my refrigerator is a feak show…my compulsion to organize embarrasses me… so sometimes i organize in ways that others wont notice…like reverse alphabetical order…

6) im southern… it accounts for most of my eccentricities…. like….when i drink or if i want something reallly bad my accent gets stronger….i WILL NOT call boys…i wear dresses to church… my bra and panties always match… i use the good china all year long…. i have more table clothes than should be legal (and my ocd means that i have to iron them regularly)… and i cherish the differences between boys and girls…

7) …hmm…something juicy to finish up with…..i dont have any tattoos.. everyone always assumes i do….i do however, have several discreet piercings…

xoxo

oh sugarbabies…weekends are for warriors…not sex kittens…….

Wed (hump day): invited to join fun friends for drinks…at 7…soooo i came home put on a pretty frock, powdered my nose, pulled the tangles out of my hair….. and fell fast asleep…. didnt wake up til 930 the next morning..on top of the covers still in my frock and false eyelashes…thats f-r-O-c-k..you kids have such dirty minds

damn…

Thurs (lil Firday): worked a wee bit… went in late…cause i slept til 930..but i didnt count it as sleep because i wasnt under the covers…it isnt restful..if you arent snuggled in…so i didnt actually get out of bed…til 1030… then spent the best part of the day at a power lunch drinking martinis…went home early… big lunches make me sleepy

…yawn….

Fri: standing on a street corner when a cute boy spotted me… he circled back .. and i convinced him to take me to the grocery store!…score! sooo with a weekends worth of cheddar cheese and Life cereal… the pressure was off to find any dates to feed me…so… i had drinks only… and was tucked into bed early…under the covers this time..not that passed out sprawled out on top… as is prone to happen on friday nights

Sat: early morning text message from boy: “lets drop the top and get fucked up” how could i say no to such a romantic offer…alas… the agent for the loveshack (emphasis on shack!)called ….what do you think..should i buy a teeny lil love shack on the river that needs “some tlc” about 15k in work???? i dont know either sooo i got up wery wery early… drove west for 45 min… and dipped my toes in the shallow part of the shenandoah …and then came back… grabbed the boy… and proceeded to order mimosas…only of course we asked the ‘tress to serve ‘em in big ole pint glasses….so she wouldnt have to keeeep refilling us every two min..then.. . finished up with a girlfriend at my fave watering hole …. and i was again… tucked in before the “douching hour”…ed note…”douching hour” starts around 10 am in my neighborhood during hockey playoff season….

Sun: i was in bed (under the covers) when i get a text from a friend…he is back in town… just getting into a cab @ airport… i texted back in my sleepy text voice… i havent had coffee yet…he showed up on my doorstep..made me breakfast…. kissed my cheek and left to go check into his hotel…seriously… ive got that one trained just about perfectly!! i didnt leave the house all day…kittens dont like rain…soo…i watched lifetime movie network while surfing the net… and discovered:

1) the pope wears prada: hes totally jacking my style with red leather prada shoes…but whateves..if a creepy ole german guy is gonna have a fetish..i suppose an italian shoe one is about as vanilla as they come…its also rumored he sports some serengeti and gucci shades… is benny a label whore?? speaking of whores…and when i say whores i mean hot chicks…

2) guess who is STARRING in ZOMBIE STRIPPERS??…. YEP..our girl jenna jameson…. the campy horror film stars our fave lil pornstar …or whats left of her…. personally….i think it looks fun… and the cute Roxy Saint should be worth it alone…as the goth stripper who WANTS to be a zombie..cause it will make her uber-gothy.. i think it has opened in limited release…so you folks in NYC check it out for me and give me reviews…it isnt here yet….and from the looks of it may not get wide theater release…

i know….kinda dull..but sugar please….. even sex kittens get sleepy…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

SEX KITTEN 101:

if you are a blond sex kitten in french stilettos… dancing with a sooopa sexy tiny lil’ black girl — telling boys that you are “girlfriends” — doesnt do much to disuade them from trying to dance with you…

SEX KITTEN 103:

The GOOD Thing about living next door to a club:

if you run out of toilet paper at 3:30am… they will loan you a roll

The BAD part:

it will be one of those industrial sized rolls and will be kicking round in your powder room for years….

and…..in the tradition of overheard in dc: or eavesdrop dc…except these happened to me:

1) from creepy dude with snotty attitude sitting on a fountain with large boa constrictor wrapped around him with the head coming up from between his legs and kinda swaying…

when my girlfriend was startled:

Creepy dude: “What youve never seen a guy holding a snake before??”

Me: ummm..yeah… ive seen lots of boys hold thier snakes…..just never one sooo small….

2) Cute guy friend as we are walking home from dinner:

my yoga instructor has been checking out my MATCH.Com profile…does that mean she is into me? (i dont know why this one struck me funny but it did…mostly cause my yoga instructors have mostly all been crazies…)

3) drunk girl digging in her purse for her ID

..my handbag is like a warzone!!

4) lamest pick up line of the work week… from guy sitting next to me at a bar

this IS my “im available” outfit…is that your “im available” outfit??….

5) lamest pick up line of the weekend…from super young super prepster at THE Space

him : wow… you look smart

me: wow… you look drunk

xoxo

sugarbabies!!!!! OMG we have sooo much to catch up on!!!!…

let me seee…. where to start????

should i start with…. tracing a little droplet of sweat down the spine of a pretty brazilian stripper with my pinky…while she was on stage…. ah yes….that night ended with an extra hundred bucks tucked neatly in the bra of my ample bosomed girlfriend….a trip to the ER at GW….where the detectives gave me and my bitchin Bestsy Johnson Tiger Fur Coat and 5 inch platform stilettos one of those up and down looks…pulled out their little notebooks and pencils (little pencils..hehehe) …and started the “witness interview” with …”Soooo you work at <insert name of strip club>” to which i responded..”could we hurry this up….i wanna be gone when his wife shows up”…

OR….

should i skip to a party with the beautiful people of dc…. i know… i know…. we dont realllly have beautiful people…but nonetheless…. every LA Wannabe and LNS popped collar in town made their way to ….wait for it…SHAW… to a slightly shady…..you know i looove that about a place….. former garage….now…. a trendy LA-ish lounge….. The Space….

OR…

maybe you wanna hear about …boys… the latest crop….

the good looking older man….who lives close by and cant believe he hasnt run into me before…he has potential… im pretty sure he was on a date when he slid me his card…. ummm suave…but he was soo cute i can prob forgive it….stay tuned…

the tooo young for me hot body…..that …. i teased all night…just cause… well…i was bored

the rockstar who wants to celebrate something…he’ll tell me when he sees me…. great…with my luck..he is pregnant…

the pretty boy from rio..who thought sofa meant sex…and got pouty when i handed him a blanket and a pillow… dude… SOFA…means SOFA….. i would never fault a boy for trying …but NO …still means NO… and when it comes to boys…pouting…..it just isnt sexy…. take it somewhere else…

OR

maybe…you have a fetish…. like mine….and you want to start with the new spring shoes! the Christian Louboutins that look like they will be my faves of the season…

they have already turned a few heads on the street (i even caught a certain good looking older man sneak a subtle double take) —- really they are smoking…they even got the approval of the gay cowboys….who gave me special permission to two-step on their dance floor in them…even though they are not cowboy boots…. just trust me … it was a high honor…. now if only i could two-step…

OR

maybe the TWO separate hospitals not including the GW ER incident…. that housed friends the last two weeks for unrelated but serious medical crap…that necessitated the sending of hi end flowers with cards that read….

just so you know…the mandarin oriental is less expensive AND has better linens….xoxo

OR

maybe the time when a freaking amazon lesbian accused my friend of …get this….i couldnt make this up… Biting her Finger….. oh sweet jjjjeeeeebus…… when the cops showed up …it happened to be a 1D officer i know pretty well… and the amazon lesbian went to jail! OMG….. the fun never stops…..

OR

maybe you just want to hear that it is officially that time of year…and i am once again… running around this town topless…and i have a wee bit sunburn to prove it….

xoxo

sugarbabies..

changing your pants while driving down the toll road in a spring rain -that also includes sleet- with a 5 speed manual transmission… AND 5 inch stilettos… takes a certain je ne sais quoi …. that this sex kitten has been practicing…..but…. the whole thing left me remembering THIS…and i definately give extra credit because …well… because the diagrams are kick ass… i think that the same general principles apply to sex on wheels…keeping in mind…there is more head room but less privacy..if the top is down…

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

for reasons i wont go into here and now…(this bitch is discreet if nothing else)…. i recently had occasion to be shopping at both Tiffany and Co. AND Cartier… personally i think Tiffany’s is *bitched…but whatever… at BOTH lil shops folks commented on my enamel and brass elephant bracelet..

pictured here…

cute right?? yeah i like it too… i wear it kind of often..

sooo….. i wasnt surprised when the salesgirl from cartier mentioned that she liked it…

what did surprise me …

was when a “girl” i can only describe as

Kim Kardashian with more crazy….and a harsh jersey accent …spoke up….

“i dont do vintage” she said…

then nodding at my bracelet…

“i’ve seen a bracelet like that before” she kept going…

“really???” i feigned interest … (i can be polite to a fault) ….. she kept going…

“i saw it at <insert name of expensive jeweler that specializes in estate jewelery> ” … she kept going..

“and if you ask me <note: no one had> 4k is tooo much to spend for something some other person has been wearing… maybe if it was platinum….or had some bling…i dont get that whole vintage thing?? its like goodwill or sum thang”….

my response was quick and casual….

“huummmm well… i can see why you might feel that way…..but this was a gift from <insert name of famous rockstar here> when we were together a few years ago…. it was his grandmothers.. he wouldnt take it back when we..umm…stopped seeing each other…even his mom told me to keep it…so i still wear it on occasion”

her eyes widened…her jaw dropped… “OH…well that is different -that’s family”

i pointed out that it wasnt MY family…. she looked confused… then asked if she could look closer…i extended my wrist…and gently slid my cashmere sweater sleeve up…..** she fondled the largest elephant with reverence…

“you can really tell the quality by the weight” she said ….unable to hide her new admiration for the chunky bit of jewelry she had rudely dismissed…

she left…mumbling something about heading back to the estate jewelry place for a second look at that “vintage crap” …..

i smiled and turned back to the sales girl …. who …..wisely…. had been quiet through the exchange…

“wow…when did you date <rockstar>” ?? …. she asked politely….

in the 90’s…. i replied…. but …we only went out a few times…

“and he gave you his grandmothers bracelet”??? she asked incredulously….

ummm..no…. this old thing??? i got it for 30 bucks at JCrew….

we both giggled….she might even have doubled over and given me a little girly fist bump that im sure they frown on in Cartier sales training…

— so to jersey kim—

suck it bitch…nobody asked you!

xoxo
ed notes

* -bitched- is how my friends and i described has been trends…. its a bad translation of a bad (local to barranquia columbia) slang spanish word… dont ask…

**that one was for you uncle keith

hi sugarbabies….

the green i know best ….cash…. and evidently…. i spent sooo much of it this past weekend….that my banker called today to make sure that all the transactions were “authorized“….seriously….my banker is cute as a button…a sexy, older, clooney-esque button…ive had a crush on him since the 90’s…. maybe that is what moved me to try to “explain” things as we went through the list of charges…

SAFEWAY ….at first i denied this one…ummm no i dont think thats me…where was it?? ….then i remembered picking up three boxes of diet mt dew and hitting the wine aisle in the burbs…..oh yeah yeah that one is ok

GALLERY PLACE (atm withdrawal)… yeah.. some walking around money..

LEE LOO LOUNGE: ummm yeah…i was trying to get them to name a new cocktail after me..i dont know…some brazilian fruit that i cant remember… haha…ok ill tell him to make it expensive…like me

ASIA 9: ummmm yeah…. they’re new…have you ever had sparkling saki??? or lychee martini shots?? no? umm yeah they were great..umm yeah they are kind of expensive….but i think there was sushi too and maybe tiramisu …i know that does sound like a nasty combination… seemed like a good idea at the time…

LEE LOO LOUNGE: ummm yeah after the lesbian club we went back there….no they comped us VIP style at the lesbian party… yeah… well…next time you come over ill take you…i know i know ….but no…it wasnt that kind of lesbian party….no it was more like a jerry springer episode…ok ok…next time you can be the judge….but reallly sugar…you should trust me on some of this stuff…

DUNKIN DONUTS: yeah that was prob me… (sour cream ..they are my fave… coffee sweet with lots of milk….in case anyone is taking notes)

GORDON BIERSCH: umm….yeah hangover pizza, love…

VALENTINO: yeah.. well i needed something to wear… yeah i know how much that is… youre absolutely right…i could have made the freaking dress out of money for less…. i know love… but…trust me… the way that dress hugs a curve is… priceless…

SUGAR DVD: ummm yeah thats ok too… a girl needs her PR0N….and … netflix is sooo *yawn* you know….vanilla…

FADO….umm yeah i know…frat boys but…its not LNS…and i had promised…. i couldnt get out of it…

IRISH CHANNEL… yeah that was me…i know i know….jeeezuz …youre not telling me anything i dont know…now youre my mom???

CLYDES: yeah ….well …. i was tired of irish people….. yes …. especially my family….

HAGEN DAZ …yeah… i didnt know they were open that late either!…girlfriend needed a dazzler…

TARGET…. yeah ..it just opened…it has this really cool “cart escalator” yeah it was already broken.. i cant wait til somebody leaves their kid in it… yeah well columbia heights is not MIT…

ITUNES…. yeah… the new erykah badu…. yeah it sounds like all her stuff…but…thats good cause i like her stuff… yeah..i accidentally bought it twice….what do you want from me???…i was dwinking…you can fix that?? sweet…thanks….

CVS: yeah… well.. pharmaceuticals love…

UNITED AIRLINES: yeah… thats mine…. yeah im stilllll on the road too much…im getting toooo old for it… no seriously..i am….whatever….

SAN JOSE HOTEL: yep… i know.. right??…boutique place that gets it … umm no im not gonna be in town for the NCAA tournament… yeah well dont tell …. course you can stay there…make yourself at home…but… i should warn you…. i think im out of toilet paper…you might want to go prepared…

you know its a good thing you arent a stalker…or psycho…you sure have a lot of information bout me there…really?? what does it say???…. no shit… cool….soo i could basically spend a few grand in vegas …and that wouldnt trigger anything??? thats funny…i hardly even go to vegas … soooo what DID trigger the system to red flag my account?? i mean …none of these charges seem out of the ordinary….

no problem take your time…

oh… YOU ARE $HITTING ME…. but… people do THAT alll the time… really?… youre kidding… sooooo youre saying i havent spent more than twenty five dollars in a grocery store on my debit card since 2003???– whats that like 4 or 5 years???? fuuuuuuck me…….

xoxo

oh sugarbabies…

its not easy keeping sex on wheels sexy…or on wheels for that matter…. seems she likes her tires like i like my shoes…expensive and italian…and also like me… she wears em out quick…as in …i just put tires on her in November…yes sugarbabies… thats right…its not complicated “delegate math”….barely five months… cause evidently expensive high performance tires….like expensive high platform stilettos… are NOT in any sense of the word…practical…

and i wouldnt have it any other way….

sooo….. i dropped sex on wheels off at the auto repair shop dayspa….and handed the keys over to a the professional auto fixer dude anxious pimply faced boy…as he took the keys i apologized for how dirty she was…i know i know like me…. you kids are awful…he smiled and said he had seen dirtier…which kinda cracked me up ..cause i can assure you…. im prob the dirtiest thing that that poor kid will EVER SEE….. but whats a girl to do..i smiled coyly…batted my eyelashes and left them alone…a few hours later… i picked her up…

• new tires

• oil changed (im leaving the lube job joke to uncle keith…hes better at them than me…but i do want to remind him that her engine IS in the REAR)

• and freshly washed and waxed…. (inset your own joke here…some of them are just too easy….i cant do ALLLL the work for y’all)

and i swear… after an afternoon with sex on wheels… when i pulled out ( its like christmas here for uncle keith today) of there….it seemed to me… that the kid… had weee bit of swagger…i whispered to sex on wheels….

SUGAR…our job here is done….

xoxo

why do i like this place sooooo much???

depending on your choices…it can be as nasty as it sounds….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

GOOD: coming home after a late night out…. and sneaking a bite of ice cream straight from the carton before collapsing on the bed…

BAD: waking up in the morning to find said carton of ice cream in the ….wait for it…. refridgerator…

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

its probably the vodka talking…but whatevs … you deserve it…. youve been xxxtra patient with me…

you deserve a post….

soooo ive been sick…i know youre allll tired of hearing it…. not as tired as i am of battling the flu ebloa virus …but…. tired… sooo ….. a few times i managed to drag myself out of bed and stir up trouble… a couple of times…i thought i was better for a day or two… then BAM…back to bed with boxes of PuffsUltra… its the little in between bits that im gonna try to put down in words here… maybe a list would work?? ill try…in no particular order…..

• went to brunch at 12:30 at a tex mex place….and it ended at 1:30 am crashing a corner vip booth and getting felt up by lesbians in a club….with quick side trips to a swanky furniture store and a crowded irish pub…..some days…. the party starts early….
• spent valentines day with this fella…. whatever…. he was persistent….and sweet…
• accidentally called a clients laptop…his porn player… in a big ole business meeting…. as in… “here *dude* (not his real name) pass me your porn player….i know how to make it work for you “…..when the room went dead silent…. i then added…ever so professionally… “umm…. i guess…..thats what she said?”…. in spite of… or because of?? not sure which… i still got the job…
• pretty sure i gave myself heavy metal poisoning … trying to eat cracker barrel cheese and instead eating a bunch of the wrapper…. yeah i know…must be a blond thing….
• kissed a boy from NYC…prob gave him the Ebola virus…oops sorry dude…
• found myself driving skidding across the TR Bridge during a random winter storm that pretty much reduced “sex on wheels” to a very expensive sled… if not for the weird as hell hours that i keep… im sure i woulda totally crashed….DO NOT WANT!!!
• encountered the following clusterfuck minor setbacks trying to make Lemmonex’s champagne pear cupcakes
  • no mixer in my kitchen
  • no grater in my kitchen
  • no cupcake tin in my kitchen
  • no measuring cups
  • no measuring spoons
  • no knife (ok ok … there are a few butter knives and two steak knives that i stole from the austin grill…fucking classy eh??)…i know the recipe doesnt call for knives..but at this point….i wanted to stab something…
  • no mixing bowls (only chinese rice bowls… go figure)
  • couldnt open the champagne bottle ……isnt THAT what boys are for?????
  • dont have foggiest idea how to “sift” things together….is that somehow different from stirring???
  • cant exactly turn on the oven portion of my stove…. its gas… im afraid im gonna kill myself…sticking my head in the oven to peek in and see if i can see that wee bit of blue flame under the pan thingy…and trying turn the knob and adjust the gas flow at the same time….
• and…last but not least…i was wearing these panties…..

i know, i know…. who still wears panties????

but …i do …cause they are cute….

and i was wearing these…

cause they were new…but they were scrunching up under my jeans… sooo….

i decided kamakazi was a better idea…

sooo….. i go to the ladies room…. pull off my jeans… and was taking my panties off…when they got tangled in my 5 inch tall “free gas” stilettos… this sends me careening and i certainly would have fallen completely over…but the stall was small…. so i kinda caught myself with my elbow but not before i slam my hip into the toilet paper holder and in the process… manage to knock my jeans over and into the toilet….. yep…sugarbabies….. being a sex kitten…. is NOT all bonbons and bacon ice cream…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

you know how fickle i can be….

i bore soooo easily…..

so while drifting in and out of a cold medicine induced coma…. (the dr says it is the flu..but im pretty sure it must be the ebola virus…cause ive never been so sick in my life) i left the television porn player tuned to current..

a lot of my friends/family are in the entertainment/media business so …they introduced me to it pretty early and.. well….. when it came up in conversation recently and several folks here in dc didnt know what i was talking about…. i was kinda shocked…

what?? you dont watch current???

babies….its the only channel i DO watch (not counting my guilty pleasures CSI and Law & Order…)

the seven min bursts of viewer created content…kind of annoyingly referred to as “pods”…. is perfect for ADD, pop culture junkies….

i know what you are thinking…you tube…on the tv…but thats not quite it…..

nobody has been more surprised than me over the past year or two at the consistently good content…provided by everyday assholes… us… the viewers…

production values vary and some of the pieces (i just cant call them “pods” sorry…) are glossier than others… but none of it feels like it has been filtered through the mainstream news channels, executive committees or test marketed in the midwest…that alone makes it feel..well not quite raw..but fresh…

now dont get me wrong…its not the wild west… and not EVERY idiot gets his piece on the tely… although a few memorable ones for me included:

• following along when a chick goes for her first colonic… it was a train wreck i couldnt turn away
• a transgendered llama farmer that repeatedly (and kinda creepily) referes to his llama as sexy legs…
• a libertarian conspiracy to take over new hampshire …which actually sounds kinda cool…

but more often than not the stories are small…personal… and… surprisingly good…

• russian skin heads that have taken to attacking immigrants or non-russians and posting the videos online
• sloppy joe night at an orphanage in kenya… where all the children have HIV
• three generations of soldiers speak candidly about war
• a water gun spy/assassination tournament….. geek much?
• a street art program here in DC that interviews local artist James Coleman

there is a process to getting your video on current… and frankly….im not sure what it is….cause i have never taken the time to figure it out… but it involves the website and prob. some other stuff…

and oh yeah… i forgot..i think al gore is on the board of the company that owns current…. so i guess now he can say he invented television too… but whatevs…. i still like it..

i think you can find it everywhere…..here in dc on….cockcast channel 107 … and 366 on direct tv….

enjoy…

and tomorrow il type up the stuff you realllly come here for… the trash talk about the boys and who i may have infected with the ebola virus…

xoxo

sugababies…

i cant remember the last time i had sex…

sad… i know…

meanwhile my electric bill has tripled…go figure…

maybe the dry spell is because

ive been sick… for like a solid month…flu-eeeww

OR maybe

because ive been traveling …though now that i think about it… that rarely stops me …

…i kinda heart -on the road sex-

not IN the ROAD sex..although ok ok id prob like that too… but yeah..umm where was i?? On the Road Sex…yeah… its great..

• nobody wants to be your “boyfriend”… AND
• nobody goes looking for your blog…

… its not not as good as my HITACHI…. but hell…so few things in life are….dear baby jebus..thank you for the hitachi …i*heart* it very very much….

but seriously…even if it is only to get Al Gore and his team of smaller carbon footprint hippies…off my back *so to speak*…..

i should realllly get laid….soon…..

ok..ok… back to our regularly scheduled programming…

things i heart:

PINK

i cant believe nobody invented this before now!

its vodka WITH caffine…

now there is no need for me to drink coffee in the morning!!! i can go straight to vodka tonics with no reservations….and its pretty…

ZOLA

the lobster mac and cheese… still my fave comfort food… add the

bombe chocolate bombe and…

well this blond..is in a lil culinary comfort coma… not to mention snuggling in their bar all cozy and candlelit watching the world walk by freezing their nuts off… is a great way to spend an evening and a couple of hundred bucks….

BLISS

i know my life is really great… because i can honestly say that some days…the biggest decision i have to make.. is…

lemon + sage OR vanilla + bergamot (its a fruit thing..i had to google it too)

but then i love all bliss…

call me a bliss junkie…

who can resist

soft, slippery AND smells good… whats not love??

and last but certainly not least….

i heart this place…

CRAZY BLIND DATE

these folks will set you up on a date in like fifteen min!..i know… i know….

it sounds a little dangerous… but damn….. y’all know me… i like that in a date!

xoxo

sugarbabies…

never:

• let a (fresh off the boat) lebanese dude named andre’ do your eyebrows….
• book a trip to detroit in february …
• forget to pack socks if you go to detroit in february…
• forget that “stick” and “tranny” mean something different when your talking about car parts
• book a waxing and THEN a full body sea salt scrub…..
• eat popcorn when you have a loose filling…
• make the mistake of confusing Glen Burnie and Glen Echo….umm..not the same place…
• wear an obscenely expensive suit to any meeting that may include any sort of “site visit”
• assume that a fella in a REALLLY big dirty truck… doesnt have an 80 acre estate nestled along the potomac
• order the bang bang shrimp from this place with out ordering extra water…
• accept.. “im not getting paid sooo youre not getting paid” as an answer from a client…
• trade a white christian dior leather motorcycle jacket for …welll… for anything…

xoxo

oh sugarbabies….

it wasnt anything that 12 hours of sleep and a few mood leveling Grey Goose and Tonics… couldnt fix…. thanks for your well wishes… and….yes…everything is the color it should be now….

in an effort to lighten things up a bit…. well…

one of my fave bloggers…. decided that her life was more fun as a multiple choice quiz….. well i started thinking…and i decided that my life….is probably better as a comic… depending on well…..all kinds of crap…… maybe it will be a regular feature…

special thanks to:

glenn barr whose images of Avengah and i forget the name of the other one and i cant find it online.. i stole..errr umm borrowed

HIN to whom i credit the phrase “eyelash jujitsu” or judo in this case…and whose birthday im ashamed to admit..i overlooked….i suck… i know….

blueseaglass…..who i cant believe found that hot pic of the bond girl on the Playboy cover from Nov 1965….which by the way….i scored a super good condition copy of off ebay for like 7 bucks shipping included!! and no kidding the cover is truly only HALF the fun….sooo…if youre in my bathroom… be sure to pick it up…the centerfold…..is freaking priceless

xoxo

oh sugarbabies…..

i’m in such a bitchy mood ..that i didnt even flirt smile at the cute new guy in my office building…nope i just sashayed by him straight to the fridge for my

fifth mountain dew-code red.. of the morning…

ok assholes..i know…. its not even eleven am…. and im not sure… but i think all that code red is the reason but my pee has turned a really pretty color of mint green… despite code red being …umm..red…. it was soo pretty that i thought was a new tidy bowl shade….but umm…no it wasnt… so….thats TMI right?

whatever….. i TOLD you i was feeling bitchy…i even told you not to read this post!!

sooo there is no reason you should still be reading…

youre such a freaking masochist

cause im just gonna bitch about how fucked up it is that NONE of my current projects are in the same TIME ZONE that i am in….

AND my throat is sore…

AND its raining out…

AND christ…did you see the state of the union???

AND i forgot to send my netflix back so i have to watch sucky cable tonight…

AND let me just warn you…im about to head home to bed…whatever the fuck you do…. DO NOT…be between me and that cozy sweet spot under the covers that i am heading for…ill run your ass over without even a wink…

AND if you have my number and you dare to call or text me…i will prob delete you forever from my life…

or …. turn off the phone ..which is pretty much the the same thing….

AND dont give me any of that …tomorrow is another day at Tara crap… ill claw your eyes out…

still here???

jeeezuzz… i love you.. thanks…i needed that……

xoxo

sugarbabies….

i just realized something about myself….

i dont go to the grocery store when i run out of groceries..

nope my cupboards can be pretty bare for weeks at at time….

i’ve got workarounds for that … last week i:

• ordered enough pizza and soda pop for two days
• ate an old box of raisins for dinner
• stole a roll of toilet paper from the office
• i have even been known to go on dinner dates with boys JUST to avoid going to Whole Foods….

nope…. i only go to the grocery store….. when i run out of…..

mixers…

some things a girl cant do without….

xoxo

ya gotta …or youll surely go to hell…right??? or is it heaven??? who can tell these days..sugarbabies…

i wrote this back during the summer…but never posted it…cause….i was feeling…uum… discreet….but aww fuck it y’all can have it…enjoy the long weekend…

the town is filling up with funny lil wannabe rockstars and their entourages hangers on groupies ..its been fun to watch sleepy lil austin start to wake up with the influx of all things music festival… technically it starts next week..but the ramping up has begun…austin is whitewashing her fences and…ok ok…..im getting away from the point here…

the reverend…hes hot or maybe a better word is kinda sexy…in that alt country older dude indie music way…. and well…we are allll sinners..right?? so i guess if you sin WITH the reverend or his deacons you can be forgiven pretty easily…and penance is surely not sooo bad… a few hail marys and sore knees ..(oops…. those may be from the sinning)

The catholic in me… (not like that.. assholes) …is always looking for a way out of the sin..ok ok..not true ..more like a work around for forgivness…that way i can go ahead with the sinning whatever the hell i want to do…

knowing that i can rationalize it to st peter..if he gives me any grief at the pearly gates…

personally im not too worried..i never met a door policy i couldnt manage….

(except maybe an older black lady guarding the bar of a “private event” at the kennedy center….and she wasn’t falling for any eye batting or slutty shoes)

so when the reverend horton heat and his deacons said ….

“hey cutie whats shaking back at your place the san jose ???

i was ready for him..

xoxo

ahhh sugarbabies….

its been ages since a porn post….. i suppose i just like to make y’all beg for em… so….well… by now…. youre all pretty familiar with my porn player troubles….if not… click here and then here ….sooooo

i convinced a boy… to attempt to return the porn player that “swallows” … to the 8th circle of hell….i mean..umm….. Best Buy…

once we get there…..he takes the porn player over to the geek squad desk… right at the front of the store…while i go to look for a replacement…

of course… he tells the geek squad a movie is stuck in the built in dvd player…

the geeks push some buttons..scratch their heads and push some more buttons….. right about the time i get to the tubo tax display… almost to the desk… one gifted geek pushes the right sequence of buttons…

and WHAM….

the “movie” starts playing….

of course when i say movie i mean hardcore fetish porn…this is not cheerleader porn….umm….no….its good old fashioned latex… whips and chains hardcore fetish stuff…* sigh* fun i know… i know!!!….

and it is playing…. at the front desk of the Geek Squad Station @ Best Buy…. yeah…

• the geek who pushed the button…. his jaw kinda hit the counter
• the “manager” of the counter ..well…. i thought she had a cardiac incident might easily have require full blown (he he he) medical attention
• the gay dude in line..winked at me…while waving his hand over his heart…
• the dude… i had convinced to return the tv with me……turned on his heels….. locked eyes with me and shouted……loudly…. …“suicide_blond…. you bitch … you’re the one who stole my dvd!!! “

you know what can be more fun than watching freak porn????

watching white nerdy folks freak the fuck out….when porn starts playing in thier Best Buy lobby…..

OMG…. you just can not pay for entertainment like that….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

y’all generally give me a week to organize my thoughts … but…umm…lately… a few of y’all are stomping your feet rather impatiently… soo… rather than ignore you… (which ive been known to do … and will prob do again)

you get a “sloppy quickie” which in my world translates into …. a tidy lil list…. until i feel like sitting down and …banging out… you know… one that leaves you breathless…

… sooooo lets see now….

THINGS I DID

• stayed out til 4 am dancing and laughing with an old friend…. note: that is actually how long it took for my feet to start hurting in those wicked 5 inch heels..but i think by the end of that night i could have been in puma’s and my feet woulda hurt
• watched the sun come up from the roof of a building that you need at least a “top secret” clearance to get into
• watched the redskins lose but didnt really care…. cause i had a cold beer and good friends sooo…whatevs
• went to a “basement bhangra” party - with dj rekha - accidentally… and was reallly glad i did…. it was awesome
• almost ran over flirted with a group of about 6 FFX cops..in TC’s hood… while they stood in the middle of the street…hhhhmm.. i thought only dc cops did that shit…..
• mistook a tween Hannah Montana fan for a cancer victim…(evidently they wear wigs too…who knew??)
• exchanged broken porn player to Best Buy…third circle of hell…. i swear to god… i wanted to fire bomb those sons of bitches… (im on the third one now for anyone keeping score)
• had a migrane headache for the better part of two days
• discovered the best won-ton soup ive ever had ….. here
• lost and then found (thank the sweet baby jeebus) the front tag on “sex on wheels“…im such a lucky bitch …well that…..and the guys in my parking garage looove me…

• rode around for two days with the top down ….its january people…. so i decided to just sell the hard top for my car… im just waaay to optimistic to really ever put the HARD TOP on… you just never know…
• sent a fist full of thank you notes out…

THINGS I NEED TO DO

• shop for bat mitzvah gifts (suggestions from the chosen among you welcome) before sat
• hair color appt… (it aint easy being this blond) tomorrow 1130 am
• eat some vegetables… ive only eaten crap for two months now
• laser hair removal appt for my legs..im soo done with shaving them EVERY morning …friday 9am
• cancel two of my three gym memberships…i can get by on a single gym in 2008…
• write a real post for this freaking blog…. about allll the stuff you babies have been patiently waiting for… the good stuff….. the bad stuff and esp…… the boy stuff…..

xoxo

the good thing about not cooking…. (in that way) is…..

you can use the dishwasher AND the oven for storage…

in 2008 im gonna try a few of Lemmonex’s recipes!!!

dear god i hope i remember to take the empty pizza boxes out of the oven BEFORE i turn it on…..

NOTE: blond observation…

damn…. soccer moms …frantically trying to get to a hannah montana concert with a  mini van full of tween girls are ABSOLUTLEY the worst drivers EVER….come on bitches….you make teenage boys sweating a tokyo drift  look responsible….

xoxo

hi sugarbabies….

i hope this post finds you hungover… and cuddled up with hot cocoa or maybe a dif. kind of hottie…

ive been completely uplugged from the world for a bit… it has been kinda great…kinda like rehab..at first i had the jitters and was kinda surprised at how unnerving it can be to not have hi speed access to the internets..or your blackberrry for a few days…and ….then you realize that your survival realllllly isnt dependant on that stuff…. and you enjoy some of the simple pleasures that the holidays can bring… being surrounded by family (you eventuallly learn to love both the good and bad bits of that!!) …..

so a quick list…(my OCD loves a good list) should catch you up on what a certain blond has been up to the last few weeks:

• shopping shopping and shopping… i waited til the last min… so the only about half my shopping was on the net this year… yikes..ill try not to make that mistake again

• a certain pro athlete has texted me about 40 times since i let him buy me a drink back before christmas eve….dude…  give it up…im not interested in being the jessica to your romo…and you a$$holes had BETTER beat the cowboys tonight or im deleting you altogether 

• the freaking porn player ate another porn…and wont spit it out!!! it is down AGAIN!!! rrrgh…

• A-Cups AND Hawaiian Tropic stopped by the office to share some christmas love…. awww…. a-cups is good …likes her new job…they evidently are not as flexible about her schedule as she hoped…but i think im the ONLY boss who doesnt care if or when you come in ….as long as everything is done and I DONT have to come in….. Hawaiian Tropic…. has moved in with her boyfriend in NC and because he “travels alot” she hasnt worked since she left me…almost a year ago… she is loving life… good for her…but…. i would soooo love to see her take care of herself… and not just skate by on being super gorgeous…. she doesnt give herself enough credit….

• another reason to looove the holidays…. i had rum cake for breakfast - often

• and oh yeah…vodka for lunch - often   (i find i love family more ….with  a teeny cocktail)

• curled up with a few good books..and a fire…. was heaven

• opened a reallly good bottle of champagne to help a friend celebrate 1 year cancer free

• attended a funeral…. while sometimes sad… it reminded me to make the most of my time….and that is a good thing

• attended some parties that were not as much fun as the funeral…soooo that says something about how you live your life…i hope that someday… my funeral is a real blast!!!

 i supose in summary: i ate too much, drank too much, spent too much, drove too much, worked too much, recieved too much, slept too much,

and basically decided that a life of moderation….. as nice as that sounds…

just isnt gonna happen …. cause well…. im lucky enough to be surounded by some of the most generous of friends and family…and im not talking about money and things…..they are generous with spirit, time, hope, love, and self….. 

and welll sugarbabies…. if you find yourself drowning in the well wishes of others…the least you can do….

is paddle as hard as you can! 

 and this year while i may decide to pass on the peanut butter fudge…possibly the gravy…. please be assured that ill be having a double helping of hope and charity and faith (and not the ones on the playboy channel… you pervs..)….. and i hope you will too…

sooo cheers sugarbabies…..to exxcess… of the best sort..in 2008

xoxo

sugarbabies..

ive been avoiding his calls the last few weeks… so last night he left me a long message…  he’d been drinking…so it was a drunk dial….. whatever…..

he says … he wishes he had never met me… that …im like heroin…. and he wants to quit…but cant…

he constantly wonders where i am and who im with…

i couldnt help but giggle… sugarpie…. you say that every time!! and you expect different results??? isnt that the definition of crazy????

DUDE… your starting to sound like a freaking stalker…. and just because you send obscenely expensive gifts doesnt make your stalker stuff…any sexier…

im completely ambivalent….

thanks for the presents…now come on…..get over it already….jeez…. boys… can be soooo freaking dramatic at christmas…

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…..

i had a post allll about my weekend and putting up the vintage aluminum christmas tree… and how i got some cowboys to help me…and the speeding ticket …. that would have been “reckless” ’cause well you know…..evidently i changed lanes something like 7 times in three miles…and at speeds over 75mph…. i didnt tell him i would have been doing about 95 BUT i was texting someone….

ok yeah..well nevermind about alll that…. cause….*sigh* last night…i found the PuuuuRFECT trench coat… you know ….tan …shoulder epaulets … a perfectly proportioned collar…belted… just the right length (neverrr happens)… the poor thing is just beggging….as in on its knees …. for some dark glasses ….. and naughty underthings…..

a christmas freaking miracle…..

ahh…. im sooo in love……

xoxo

hi sugarbabies….i just kicked back into a vodka tonic… like it was an easy chair... damn.. i love a good vodka tonic…

i wrote several posts last week..i just didnt POST any of them… when i re-read them they were…well… whiney…. who wants to hear a sex kitten whine???… *achem*… its just not sexy…. sooooo…

i deleted em all…. and poured a vodka tonic….

decided… that…in the words of one of my fave songwriters…

slaid cleaves…

I’m not living like i should….

and if i had to sum up the last few weeks…..without whining….it would shake out kinda like this:

• i went to a lesbian party….just to feel xtra pretty….is that sooo wrong??

id believe in something if i could … but im not living like i should

• a hookah bar (yeah yeah..whatever…. it was a new neighborhood and i was happy to be anonymous for a bit)

i know that there will come a day… a heavy price i’ll have to pay

• waved at the crowds from a float in a christmas parade… ok ok..i wasnt a beauty queen…but i WAS …the cute-est “cindy lou who” there…. ok ok…i was the cute-est cindy lou who ..that was old enuff to have a vodka tonic on the float with her….

i keep pretending to be good…but im not living like i should

• worked…. more than usual….but yeah who cares im freaking glad to have job in this economy -decided not having an assistant is way better than not having a job..and its not THAT hard…if i have a few vodka tonics @ lunch

i let the mystery slip away… chasing foolish things all day

• met a cute boy in an unlikely place….. maybe more to follow… maybe not…

i say a prayer i knock on wood…. but im not living like i should

• defended the rights of go-go bars in dc with Freckles….jeez…i wish some folks would get a life…

i just wanted to be good… but im not living like i should

• crashed a party in my building… and “SCORED” 3 bottles of top shelf vodka from the bar… snuck onto the roof, committed a few misdemeanors (how naked can ya get before it is illeagal in dc??) and generally acted like teenagers…(some folks in my building are BAD influences..reallllly bad)

spin the bottle cap… throw a shot back…

• bought a fancy new dress that is cut sooooo…um…inappropriately…
  but for whatever reason...people indulge slutty clothes if the cost is proportionally inappropriate….so ill be considered “well dressed” when in fact..ill just be “expensively dressed” - like a hooker- …note to self: stop fucking with people …just because you can…

a guilty woman where a child once stood….. im not living like i should

but….never fear sugarbabies…

i have it on good authority that santa baby.…kinda thinks it IS nice when im naughty…

xoxo

ps..the bold italic is not me…that is Slaid..i wish i was as clever as Slaid but…im not…thats why the good lord saw fit to give me great tits… “we alllll have our talents… and he expects us to use ‘em…” …. well… at least THATS what my aunt doris says..

sugarbabies…

i know i know… i complained a lot…but… last week.. i was on my own.. no A-cups….

by thursday night i was begging friends to search their purse for stray valium… thank god i have the kind of friends that

a) have stray valium in their purse and

b) are generous enough to share…

soooo… last week..i worked thirteen hour days… and not just lunching and cocktailing my way through the day..nope… i answered th phone, i filed (at least now i have an excuse for my bucked-up manicure), i even MADE MY OWN COFFEE…damn it…

little a-cups found a great new job…good for her…i suppose…i mean TOLD her to “look”… but damn… i thought it would take a while!!! damn damn damn…poor planning on my part what with the holidays and all…

oh fuck…now i sound like a whiny diva…sorry santa baby…

but damn… i think i am…and obviously it takes a “team”…to be this..umm…whats the word??… sane??

soooo this morning i promptly placed an add…

there has to be some college kid out there who wants to make the coffee and run “sex on wheels” through the car wash … i think… i could have done it last week… if it hadnt been for the coffee thing… a girl neeeds her caffine…. and cocktails….damn…i realllly wish i had time to make this clever and all…..well…..umm… it would be wayyy better if i had an assistant…

but… now…

…i have to go to Neiman Marcus….im gonna have to stock the supply closet myself…mother of god…this is dangerous…its freaking christmas time…. i should NOT be within 200 yards of a certain pair of patent leather valentino platform stilettos… this can only lead to sex reallllly bad behavior….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

when i told a boy that i couldnt go out ….because i had to run home to hang sticks from the ceiling…

for… you know… Thanksgiving….doesn’t everyone do that???

i mean …it IS Thanksgiving…there isnt room for the sticks on the table… duh….

but i dont think he understood… actually…i dont think ANYONE i tried to explain it to… understood…

soo….here subarbabies let me show you a pic..of my sticks…

it was a nice party…

football was watched… cocktails consumed…folks were fed… (and no…the lil birdies didnt poo on the table)…

im glad its over…whew!

back to our regularly scheduled programing…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

traffic ..is just a fact of life around here… soo… best plan … make the most of it… have some fun…like me..this morning… when im bored.. and traffic is moving slow…

i like to play a little game i call……. Catch a Cowboy..

where i give myself six red lights to get a victim boy to ask for my number……

so this morning it went down like this….

930 am morning traffic…on constitution ave…at 6th street

dwight yokum in the cd player… yodeling away…

sex on wheels and i roll up to the light….next to …

a REALLLY big monster of a midnight blue… turbo diesel… extended cab…long bed…F-350 ..

with a cute little boy at the wheel… whose panties could stay dry next that???

sooo… i had locked onto a target…..

7th street …light…a little eyelash batting…some hair tossing… and i had his full attention…

9th street … light…hes trying to get my attention…

so…. i smile…. and shift gears…make a pouty face…as the light changes…

i buzz through a few greens…and worry for a moment that he might take out a pedestrian trying to stay with me…. sex on wheels is a little easier to maneuver in the city than his monster truck… but…he manages to bully his way through… and sidles up next to us…grinning… at the

14th street…. light…so … i smile and nod … put down my lip gloss

typical…now that he has my attention..he doesnt know what to do with me….hahaha… and he gets bashful…i know ive only got a few more lights to go… sooo….i take charge and ask him…

SB: “are you a cowboy??“

now hes completely flustered…. and its cute… and im having too much fun to stop …so … i push it into gear… knowing its sexy when i push in the clutch and nudge sex on wheels into first…and she growls a little…

he finallly comes back with… “do you want me to be a cowboy??” not THE best answer but it keeps him in the game…

soo… the light changes and sex on wheels and i give him a break…and let him ride along next to us to the next one..

In front of the Wash Monument…light…. i glance over at him all girlie and coy….

and replied…

SB: “well…you know…… there IS a test to see if youre a cowboy….do you wanna take it????“

he has no idea what to do with me… and he looks a little scared now…

this is fun…

he nods as the light changes…

he falls behind as traffic crowds him to get onto Virginia Ave… but he manages to catch back up by the time i roll to a stop at the 19th street light

SB: “first question… do you have any…rope???“

he blushes… really… he turned fevered red…and im willing to bet…he started sweating… it was a short light.. and it changed…..

now…ive got one light to convince him that he has what it takes…to ask for my number… and no guarantee that the quick succession of lights before i get to 66 will be red… so …im debating my strategy…. when he whips the big truck in front of me and sex on wheels... and angles it slightly…blocking the road…and jumps out!!!….

DAMN….the cowboy is blocking CONSTITUTION AVE at Rush hour!!!

damn..i never had this happen before…maybe hes