economies of scale…

oh sugarbabies…

i bought a new pair of jeans this week..ok ok.. you got me..i bought a bunch of new clothes…you know how it goes…one for aunt fern…three for me…. one for mom… three for me… but i digress….i did it to bribe myself into being better about the IHOP visits, the cake monkey flown in from LA… the treats in the break room…the yummy goodies at assorted office parties… you know of what i speak….

so i bought a tight pair of expensive jeans (yes..they look great) …and told myself that there was room for nary a cookie… and i gave away the cake monkey goodness to clients.. ok ok damn you .. MOST of the cake monkey goodness….

and then just when i thought i was doing sooo good.. i found myself in the middle of a rural mcdonalds at a truckstop ….thankyouverymuch… ordering an egg and cheese mcmuffin… i sat in a lumpy booth that was prob from the 70’s and realllly enjoyed that thing… i savored every bite… chewed slowly…and washed it down with a bottle of lemon flavored dasani…. then the guilt hit me… ahhh the shame of it all…the lack of control….which anyone who knows me… knows that when i get “fixated” on a control issue… well…it can get dicey… and well… for a moment i wanted to blame rural america for not offering me a healthy choice… but im not one to shift blame…or at least im not ready to admit that i do ….sooo….

i started thinking about what i would have eaten if i had been home…oh simple enufff…

one of the kids would have brought me my fave egg and cheese sandwich from panera….. hey wait..i just ate and egg and cheese sandwich why do i feel so extra guilty??? and then i pulled out my iphone and did the research… the McDonalds sandwich was wayyyyyy healthier (numbers only here…but then isnt that what this is??? a numbers game?? ) no seriously…

panera 380 calories

mcdonalds 270 calories…

and its not just in calories… the Mickey D Won in almost EVERY CATAGORY…

sodium, fat grams, serving size (mc was LARGER),  panera won protein with 18gm over mcd’s 14 grams…i like a lottttttt of protein….

and then as if to add insult to injury… mickey comes in UNDER TWO dollars… compared to paneras…well you get teh picture…they wont even post how much that $hit costs on the web!

….christ on a cracker…

dont worry kids i didnt take away from this that i should eat more mcdonalds….

just that i should give up entirely on panera…

goodbye thick slice of vermont white cheddar…you were amazing..its NOT you its me… and these pants …you see…they mean more to me than… well…you

and maybe i shouldnt beat myself up for EVERY indulgence…moderation i tell my self…but yeah..have you seeen my life?? lets just say moderation isnt my forte’…

all that AND i dropped my makeup bag on the floor of a “ladies” room (and i use the term loosely ) of the truckstop…please dont ask why i was doing my makeup & eating a mcmuffin in a truckstop…

thats a post for another day….

…and to boot i JUST found out its Thursday…

and i made a lawyer ( a very expensive one i might add) argue the case for it being Thursday as…im obviously a conspiracy theorist and i wasnt just willing to take the opinion of “the man” on this issue…

which means i am a day late on everything….

i thought it was only WED… no wonder they looked at me funny when i dropped alice off yesterday for her TUES  appt. at the Groomer!

christ… some days its hard being this blond….

ok …umm… is it too early to start drinking???

xoxo

looking for love in all the wrong places

…sugarbabies…

my date had a last min emergency as is wont to happen to dr’s (even doggie ones)… i must admit to pouting a bit.. mostly ’cause i had turned down another invite to join a pilgrimage out to VA to visit the holy grail that is … IHOP…

i shook it off and headed to the gallery solo… world aids day…soo…yeah the crowd was fabulously loaded with pretty boys and the women who love them…. i was chatting away when suddenly a hand slipped round my waist… in a very “un-gay”  way… and a vodka tonic appeared in before my eyes… my eyes slid up… and up… and up…6′4″ to shiny eyes and bad boy hair

“I knew youd be here” he said as i accepted the glass…

“oh im predictable am i? “

“THAT is not what i said”….he protested as he leaned down…

he kissed both cheeks and i introduced him to my friend…as “eye candy”… they chatted easily for just long enough to avoid being rude… one of the BEST things about gay friends..is that they can detect sexual chemistry from three blocks away….. and they are not wont to cockblock…he excused himself with an admiring up/down glance at the backside of eye candys brooks brothers suit… and an approving nod to me…

“its nice to see you” he said….obviously proud of the fact that he had predicted my whereabouts on this night…

he guided me round the gallery with his hand alternating between the back of my neck and  the small of my back… he chuckled when gay men continuously stopped us to comment on my Chanel spectators….

him: some things never change…you ALWAYS have the best shoes in the room ….

me : its been a long time

him: thats why im here

me: where have you been?

him: mostly new dehli but im moving back after the holidays

me: wanna get out of here?

him: i thought you might make me beg you

me: the night isnt over

he disappeared with the coat check tickets and as sooon as he was gone  friends descended from all directions… with lots of  omg’s and wtf?? and a few…”i wouldnt kick that tall drink of water outta bed”s…

i dont know…i dont know….i dont know what hes doing here… and i havent seen him in a verrry long time i replied with my hands in front of me slightly less than shoulder width apart… which is our “signal” for im not gonna need any of y’all fairies to walk me home and then he was back holding my coat so i could slip into it… we stepped out into the night…

me: where are you staying?

him: the willard

me: a suite?

him: the one you like

fucking christ i AM predictable i thought….

i told him there was someone new in my life… he said he wasnt surprised…

but he was… cause he laughed pretty hard when he found out the new someone was about three lbs of terrier…

he put his hand on the back of my neck… and guided me into a restaurant that we hadnt been to in a long time… the bartender recognized us instantly… and came round with hugs and how have you beens? slipping back into him and our old ways was proving very easy and nice… very nice…

he confirmed what i wanted… and ordered for me.. *sigh* why do sooo many men not know how to do this properly????

i couldnt eat… (crazzzzzy!!) my stomach was in knots… i sipped the vodka tonic… and pushed some food around the plate… he looked happy… and sad at the same time… and … i asked if he wanted to meet alice…

he gave the cabbie the address & directions to my place… from memory…

outside the house he didnt assume he was invited in…

i  offered to get alices leash and walk him to his hotel… i was feeling pretty darned proud of myself for not just bringing him inside ….pushing him into the sofa and making him beg…

we walked slowly and he said… he liked that about me… but i was willing to bet hard cash that wasnt the reason he was there…. the temps had dropped significantly and it was really cold by the time we got to the hotel… ever the gentleman he invited us in to “warm up” … thats when his blackberry started ringing… alice and i stepped into the lobby and found a good people watching  spot on a silk sofa… some little girls came over and asked to pet her… i smiled…picked alice up and let them take turns getting a good finger licking from the pup until there mom insisted they go… soon enough he came around the corner apologizing… i nodded … its ok…

i stood up next to him…

he looked me straight in the eyes and said… kinda bashfully…

im not sure what to do right now… where to take this…

and i looked right back at him and kissed him… and then kissed him again…and  maybe a third time and maybe  i bit his lip a tiny bit as i pulled away and said…

why dont we just leave it at that …

he hung his head a little smiled and nodded …saying…youre sooo great…

yeah i know…i replied rolling my eyes

truthfully…. one of the verrrrry first things  i noticed when i saw him was that the ring was gone…but i couldnt say if it was in his pocket or not…and we both avoided the question…which im guessing pretty much answers the question….

i scooped up alice …turned round on the heel of those pretty chanel shoes… crossed  the lobby of the willard and walked out….

xoxo

oh yeah…*guys take note* windows are like mirrors at night… he stood there and watched me walk away…i didnt turn around ….not even when i got to the revolving door…

…fuck me….or not as the case may be…

i dont argue with the gods…

sugarbabies..

i got on the wrong train this morning… and got off at the cemetery… when karma puts me in a cemetery on a dreary but not toooo cold morning…i dont argue…ok ok i whine a little and stomp my feet a bit… but i dont argue…  i started exploring…and found a soldiers new grave…i touched his stone with reverence (that ones for you uncle keith)  i wandered aimlessly through unsettlingly straight lines of tombs… trying to thank them all…and looking a bit ridiculous in too tall heels and lugging a tumi briefcase… eventually i sat on a bench … wondering why the gods had sent me here this morning…. then i heard the guns… and  i made my way over to a service… there was no family there… only the honor guard…i stood in awkwardly for his family….i hope he knows  he was not alone …that his service is appreciated… and that i am …truly i am… so verrrrrry sorry for the loss of him…

when i left it was starting to rain..and i was glad to have an excuse for the wetness on my face… sometimes when it comes to perspective… and getting their point across…the gods… they just dont fuck around…

xoxo

can i get an upgrade

sugarbabies…

i know you like when im all sunny and crap…but fucking hell i have cramps…ok… i either have cramps OR maybe appendicitis… not sure…either way ive just swallowed double what the scrip says on the label…this IS NOT A PLEA FOR HELP… this is me bent over ( thats for you pervs!) sideways typing at my office instead of home curled up in bed because…. my “assistants” …seriously there are two… and NEITHER one showed up today at work… the I.T. kid just left he had to install new memory or something…. the phone lines have been on the fritz since last weeks fiasco of a T1 upgrade or some kind of thing…AND The copier isnt working… so im hoping like hell its just cramps because as you can tell..i dont have fucking time for emergancy surg. right now…

but seriously i wanna hire the cute i.t. fella that

1. beat everyone to the office this morning …
2. took the initiative to “break into” the office…
3. did his thing… and
4. left me a note…

hes already a better asst than the others who are not even here YET…

ok ok ok ….based just on my need to rant that out im now about 99% sure its just cramps…. youve all been warned…

and oh yeah…NOW i kinda  remember i told the kids they could have the day off… crap… is it friday yet?

xoxo

on opening doors with just a smile…

sugarbabies…

sometimes its not what you do but who you do it with that makes things special…and sometimes when karma has you in her good graces… you get to do really great things WITH really great people and welll…

the stars have been aligning for me lately … or maybe it was the moon …that i usually call cruel… showing mercy to a blond with a soft spot for slightly chilly fall evenings with really warm friends…..

*the shrimp and grits over at the Argonaut is yummy… they do it spicy and cheesy…which is fine by me… ask Lenny the bar keep for a beer rec..he has a good handle on whats there and how it goes down…i suggest you arrrive in an old pick up truck even though the neighborhood isnt even scary anymore…and sorry if you missed the “Thriller on H” which was a community performance of the thriller dance… performed by assorted volunteer zombies…and sponsored by joy of motion(a dance school?) sooo the whole thing had me feelin like i was in a episode of Fame… but in a good way…

*halloween ha! thats its own post!

*the specials at Poste are sometimes more expensive than good and to be honest id have rather had a burger ….. but the company was good…the service was adorable…and by the time they poured the champagne our numbers had swelled from 2 to 6 and so i didnt reallly mind that i dropped three benjis on dinner and didnt even get laid…ok ok maybe i mind just a little

*i may have discovered that it is easier to get to annapolis than georgetown from my place…no kidding two right hand turns…

*the booking folks at iota rarely get it wrong…(thanks to U. for the the heads up just the same) so yeah …i really enjoyed sneaking in just in time to catch Gregory Alan Isakov – i parked sex on wheels illegally right out back … sooo later im sneaking out the back door to check on her…and …  i cant quite get the gate to open… i turn to a fella there “is there a trick to this?” he smiled…”yeah you PUSH it… then when you want to come back in you PULL it” then he playfully tugged on a strand of  blond hair and said  “...guess cute as you are…you probably dont have to open many doors for yourself” … i smiled back… “only if there isnt a GENTLEMAN in sight” he bowed low and shoved open the door….. when i got back he was holding it again… “thanks love“  later a note on my car seat said he was available for running in front of me to get pesky things like doors… …note passing seemed to be a theme that night… notes … and cellos…two diff cello performances in a week… who’d a guessed??… and the moon… ah yes the moon… wow …did y’all happen to see that big moon tuesday night???soooo

yeah…. a super special thanks to that big ole moon that saw me home safely this week…makes me think fall is giving spring a real run for her money this year…

i think GAI might have summed it up pretty well here:

Give me darkness when I’m dreaming                                                                      Give me moonlight when I’m leaving
Give me shoes that weren’t made for standing.
Give me treeline, give me big sky, give me snowbound, Give me rainclouds, give me bedtime just sometimes…..

~GAI

xoxo

the bigger the truck..the closer to god

sugarbabies..

i wrote you kids a really great post(trust me it was a good one) today

about what big ole pick up trucks do to me..

and how i prob woulda married a couple of guys if they coulda made me feel … the way i feel when i pull up next to a monster truck on constitution avenue… *swooon*

and how something about the promise of a high lonesome /down -n- dirty combo along with a hemi…is pretty much irresistible

and how its the ying to my yang….

how coaxing a throaty growl out of sex on wheels when we are at a light, with the top down… and a soon to be patented “sideways- chin on shoulder- glance over the ray bans”… next to a big fella pretty much guarantees a tire squeal for attention or plea for coffee on craigslists missed connections…

about how ….i have fantasies of driving up behind one of these guys…they drop the tailgate…and it turns into a ramp….and i roll up into the bed… all at like 75 mph. like a total smokey and the bandit move….

and

how opposites must really attract … cause i dont really like guys in sports cars… seriously? the italian ones are tooooo high maintenance and seem like they are trying tooo hard…kinda euro douchy…

the american ones seem kinda silly except maybe a few vettes…

the germans do a good job…but something about dudes in sports cars just smacks of midlife crisis or insecurities…and dont even make me have the  gay or european conversation…

no…

i like men who drive sturdy dependable all wheel drives….and if they can handle a dually in the city…*sigh*…what cant they handle???…surely a headstong lil girl like me would be no trouble at all……

but then wordpress crashed and i lost the whole damn thing… and umm yeah im waaay tooo lazy to do the whole thing again… sorry sugarbabies…. but the jist of it is… im waiting…waiting for a man that makes me feel the way i feel when a dually pulls away from me and parallel parks on 14th st….THATS all i want…is that so much?

xoxoxo

soooo….what are you wearing???

sugarbabies…

over the weekend i hit the stores looking for a bit of fall fashion inspiration… at five feet nuthin its hard to wear a lot of the cuts that are out right now… HOWEVER….. i realized that the discount rack in the little boys dept had some great tee shirts/hoodies etc that fit perfectly! yay me…

i scooped up a couple of Shaun White 4 Target tees that were 3 bucks… great for layering… and i loove to “balance” big dollar items read: rick owens black leather jacket with less expensive ones…it keeps everyone guessing and …

and if my mama only taught me one thing…it was… leave ‘em guessing…

and wow…my new love is… polyvore… holy cow! took me 12 min flat to put this little montage of todays outfit together while i waited for my flight….. it was that or start drinking and it was only 6:30 am….soo……ummm….

OverBooked by suicide_blond

im no fashion blogger… and umm…my hats off to those kids…. because this little exercise showed me how  many elements there reallllllly are in this simple little casual (though multi  layered for travel) outfit…. that…. AND…. welll  i just dont know whether its cool or creepy that there is an image of nearly every thing im wearing today online… yes… even my “delicates” …. but i didnt add those… cause you know mom stuff and how im supposed to   ….

“leave em guessing”

xoxo

Its NOT a “Who Wore it Better” Challenge…..

oh sugarbabies…

id love to stay and chat but im running a bit late and i have a plane to catch …i want to get a seat next to cube cause we have some real girl gossip to catch up on… mostly its about a certain talking to we are gonna have to have with Miss Beckinsale…

the party is gonna be OOC*

and yeah im wearing my hair and boobs like this….

but my dress is more 70’s blaxplotation soul groove disco thing…similar to this…

dotn call lame' lame

while i certainly would never pose anything as declasse’ as a ” Who Wore It Better” challenge to Hammer and Kate i think we allll know the answer …

xoxo

* out.of.control

a sex kittens stimulus package

sugarbabies…

sooo…on a recent beautiful fall day…i  decide i should totallly drop the top…

sitting at the light at constitution and 6th i press the button… german machinery initiates a sequence of events that puts the top neatly away in a rear boot … i shake my hair out into the crisp air…reach for my skim soy iced latte and make the turn….a cyclist slides too close into my lane…i hit the brakes harder than i like to..pirelli tread is sooo expensive… my coffee dribbles… great… i reach over to the center console…which because of my size is actually kinda behind me…. without taking my eyes from the road  …i start hand hunting for leftover fast food napkins… i can feel them…but the wind picks up and they are blowing out the top…Alice leaves her comfy shotgun post to kinda jump about in pursuit of said napkins… christ… im gonna get a littering ticket i think as an MPD Cruiser pulls in behind me and flashes the lights… i push my raybans up onto my head and turn to secure alice…. thats when i realize….

the “napkins” that were flying out the top of my car as i drove along constitution ave… were the andrew jackson variety…it was a veritable sex kittens  stimulus package… lucky for me… its NOT actually illegal to have money flying out of your car …just… you know… ridiculous…

xoxo

you’re dirty, sweet and you’re my girl…

sugarbabies….

yes its true detroit is still cold, gritty, and dirty…and i still love it….

and… if …last sunday i had to watch the redskins loose… from the front row  behind their bench (which means YES  i am writing off  this trip as a scouting mission for my “fantasy” team ) welllllll at least i got to be there when detroit finally broke their losing streak… their fans were generous…they know alllll too well what it’s like to be on the losing side..and frankly a few of them felt sorry for me…”christ its one thing to BE the detroit lions..and another altogether to get beaten by them” … the stadium held its collective breath during the last 8 seconds… fearing that the redskins would make some miraculous play (ha! like they hadent even seen us in the red zone alll season) and take away what they had been waiting for  sooooo long for… a win…

we’ve all been there…

not wanting to get our hopes up about something we want just a bit too desperately…. but despite ourselves…holding our breath hoping THIS time… it will happen …

if i had one wish for detroit… motor city……it would be time…that the rate of decay would mercifully slow down …as opposed to marching forward  exponentially faster… there was a razors edge of a moment before the bubble… when the chance  of a come back seemed possible maybe even close…but now that window has slammed shut soo hard that the panes have shattered…  and the city is bracing for winter…and… well sometimes its hard to find things to be positive about and it was hard not to notice that … the popular  gallerys that were swimming in hipsters and breaking artisits a few years ago are shuttered…soo maybe…having casino gambling will be the bet that finally pays off for detroit but who reallly knows?

what i CAN say about it though is this….

if hope comes in the form of barbeque….. and god knows we southern people think it does…

then Slows BarBQ … may be the citys salvation…say what you will about the controversial  decision to build casinos… hey tough times… tough choices…but the true motor city experience is not the heavily guarded noisy palaces of  marble and  zebrawood veneer … its in the small community businesses…and the folks that run them … the independently run doggie daycare that welcomed alice so i could go to the football game … the mom and pop operations …the block party that is weekends at the Heidelberg Project….and a slow but steady crowd of regulars venturing onto the wrong side of the tracks for a barbecue place with a cold drinks, a warm welcome and hot food….

xoxo

~Well, you’re windy and wild
You got the blues in your shoes and your stockings
You’re windy and wild, oh yeah
Well, you’re built like a car
You got a hubcap diamond star halo
You’re dirty, sweet and you’re my girl

Well, you’re dirty and sweet
Clad in black, don’t look back, and I love you
You’re dirty and sweet, oh yeah
Well you dance when you walk
So let’s dance, take a chance, understand me
You’re dirty, sweet and you’re my girl~ T-Rex

blond is my blanket…

sugarbabies…

sometimes (like this morning)

…my hair falls over my eyes…and before i reach up to push it back…i get to view the world through a thin veil of blond and gold….and if i tilt my chin down and look over the top of my glasses…. the colors all slide together…fuzzy…blue sky, evergreens, falls maples….

all draped in a comforting gauzy shroud of blond…

….the edges disappear…..

and when that happens…

i feel soo sorry for folks with brown hair and perfect vision…

xoxo

dont fence me in…the good blonde edition….

sugarbabies…

im writing this post wrapped in barbed wire…a stunningly beautiful gift of gold Burberry barbed wire… but … barbed wire nonetheless…

…a fence….and nothing makes a restless spirit more uneasy than a fence…

climbing out of the wreckage of youthful dreams…we girls sometimes accept the extended hand of an older gentleman ..and on occasion we find that …that man is both an officer and a gentleman..

while for ages it was..understood …that the navy was made up of desperate men…with no other options …(piracy excluded for the sake of this particular discussion) 

the lone sailors ball...and umm no i couldnt even make that name up….

effectively turned that notion on its tail… my adorable date had plenty of options… and after enduring the other sailors and their dates guarded glances things finally crescendoed in front of a mirror in the Executive Powder Room (thats “the head” to you naval kids) i leaned over the sink to apply a topcoat of expensive lip gloss… an older woman leaned in next to me…

• Her: “youre prettier than his ex wife…. she was a bitch…youre not a bitch are you?”

• Me: ummm well i suppose that depends on who you ask…..& well… my aunt fern always said “pretty is as pretty does” sooo… she prob would think it was ugly for us to be in here discussing ANYONES ex wife..

the older woman smiled slightly and nodded …. rolled her lipstick down and turned to leave…

a younger girl came over to the mirror and took her spot….

• “youre not just prettier than his ex youre nicer tooo… she really was a bitch…. i hope you deserve him”….

• Me:   wink

i rejoined the officer who had managed to find me a vodka tonic…  “awww what a good boy” i cooed fairly flirtatiously….glad just to be out of the gauntlet of wives/girlfriends in the powder room

“well…youre a good blonde” …..he said offhandedly…

my heart stopped… wait…what did he say??? maybe it was a coincidence??? i’ve made this mistake before….i lowered my head and looked up at him …all eyes and lashes ….(my go to look for getting what i want)

when you say “good blonde” what exxxactlyyyyy do you mean???

he was embarrassed….

awwww ummm  nuthin…just a book i read once….

…oh goood god damn… my knees went weak… fucking hell……

my fingers reflexively reached up to touch the barbed wire around my throat…

christ…. hes a kerouac fan

xoxo

paint the town pink…

sugarbabies…

for a long time the door at my country place was painted Hot Pink…

i did it myself… on a hot summer day in just a  hanes wife beater t shirt … and panties  (one of the perks of country life…you dont HAVE to wear pants…)

and it was puuurfect… everyone always commented how “ME”  it was…I took it as a compliment… even on the occasions when i knew it was a backhanded one at best…

because

and this is important kids…

i didnt care… what anyone else thought  of it…. i loved it… i grinned every time i saw it come into view…and if you had asked me to name my favorite thing about that house that summer i would not have paused for  a moment…before laughing and saying …the hot pink pu$$y cat entrance….

eventually …. one of the handymen inadvertently painted the door gray…for reals…he painted my HOT PINK front door industrial gray….that was a colossal communication cluster …but whatever -thats another story

the point is…

i loved my hot pink door…

i came by it naturally… or at least i felt like i did…when i was young my Granny lived in pink house… a crazily IMPRACTICAL…Victorian house on the Ocean… that was pink… i remember her coming home from a HOA meeting beaming proud of herself…for fooling the HOA into thinking her teensy pink paint chip was actually called “dusty taupe” …we danced on the porches while the house was painted… we loved it… with formal gardens everywhere… (in pots, of course,  you do KNOW how hard it is to grow vintage roses in sand!!!) and well… Grandaddy… he just shook his head… and said…

whatever makes my girls happy…

and he meant it… of course… he took quite a ribbing at the clubhouse and the golf course… but he didnt care… he would just shrug his shoulders and say ….as long as his his girls were happy and that he knew if there was ever an emergency…the fire dept KNEW where the PINK house was in the sea of beigey beigey  coastal architectural  …

he didnt care either… and lately  it may or may not have been pointed out to me by a good friend that maybe  i have….

under (what i like to think was) the guise of graciousness…

cared a bit tooo much about what some people think…

i have made excuses for people when they hurt my feelings

when they hurt my friends

when they were rude

i accepted half hearted apologies that i shouldnt have….

and well…

if 2009 has been about anything sugarbabies…its been about CHANGE and that means me too…i think i should paint more stuff pink…

im gonna try much harder  to pay much more attention to the people in my life who deserve it…and god knows they have been patient with me… and much less attention to those that dont…

because i realize that sooo many folks in my life have let me paint their proverbial houses pink….

they have taken risks with me…

they have held their collective breathe for me…

they have wondered what the heck is she doing?

and why on earth is she doing it?

they have shaken their heads at me…. and they have said

“whatever makes you happy”

and they have meant it…

and to all of them i am sooo thankful…

and to the others…

i’m afraid i just dont have the time anymore…

youre on your own…

its kinda like my great aunt fern always said...

sugar…youre gonna  reap what you sow…

and there is no way that your sour grapes are my fault…

or my problem any more….

xoxo

misguided angels…

oh sugarbabies…

i have to admit that the recession hasnt hit this  sex kittens industry as hard as i thought it might.. go figure…but i still know times are tuff… i can gauge it by the number of resumes that come across my desk … and while i know that most of you dont know what i do…and that some of you that do know what i do still dont quite know what i do.. let me tell you that CARTOGRAPHY (while very sexy) …well…just isnt what i do… so when the third resume in a month from an unemployed cartographer crossed my desk… i started to wonder??

what about me… says

“needs a personal map maker”

ok ok  not fair because truth be told.. im probably as lost if not waaay  more lost than the rest of y’all …. and well…we could go on all day talking about what a hopelessly “lost cause” i am.. its just…

i dont really care ….

…i dont mind not knowing where i am half of the time…

i wake up in strange hotel rooms all the time and… well…

where am i?

is not the first question in my head…not even close…

where is the coffee???? am i getting charged for that porn?? why am i naked on the sofa??  who is that???

allll cross my mind way before

what town is this??

sex on wheels has a wicked nav system…my new iPhone(s) have cool GPS apps…

but where is the fun in that?

and in the words of an old friend…. ok ok hes not THAT old..

“Half of my mistake i swear i should have known better

Half of my mistakes were just among friends

You get a little distance on it, the truth gets clearer

…and half of my mistakes i’d probably make ‘em again”

-ga

a sex kittens tales from the road…

suagarbabies…

what is there to do for  blonds with a tiny dog and guitar cases sticking out of sexy european convertibles… who want to be treated like… welll…rockstars… after mother nature  squelched their weekend yachting plans you ask?

…i know that is just about the worst sentence ever written … but those of you that know me…know that there is no way im going back up there to edit it!! …

awww sugarbabies… you know what they say….

cleveland rocks… and as surprised as i am… i have to admit… cleveland is way cooler than you think it is…and…thats just fine with me…cause the longer its a hip little secret the longer i can keep it all toooo myself…and we all know… im selfish that way…

rock and roll hall of fame… johnny cashes tour bus… jackos sequined glove… housed  in an impressive I M Pei pyramid…on the shores of lake eerie…thats what im talking bout…

fringy artists…*sigh* i have a soft spot for those cute lil emo kids…

a pretty decent theater district…

a nice mix of cool new and gritty dirty old soul…. side by side…

an excellent local eatery with a walleye that will bring tears to your eyes…homemade pretzels and sauces that even made me ask “can i buy this stuff??” and the staff was tight too… they even brought out a bowl of water for alice…

although….overall…. cleveland  could be pet friendlier…the ONLY hotel that would allow pets was the ritz… i know i know poor me….and the downtown revitalization would be helped immensely if some stuff would open before 4pm… but put that aside… and concentrate on the good bits…

and oh yeah…

the drive is stunning… and included a side trip to

gravity hill

which i am not going to say anything other than…..creeeeeeeepy….in the best way

…. cleveland …. who knew???

what more could a girl want from a long weekend???

oh yeah…but of course sugarbabies…. they have that too……

xoxo

how to date a gazillionaire in 10 easy steps:

oh sugarbabies…   a weekend is a terrrible thing to waste! whats that?? you dont have dinner plans?? no worries sugar…just follow these quick easy steps :

1. get your hair done
2. drop the top
3. (this one  is important) …get lost in great falls ( where the median home value 1.5million)
4. agree to buy lunch in exchange for directions back to DC
5. forget your wallet (doh!)
6. agree to make it up to him and buy DINNER …IF he ever gets lost in your neck of the woods
7. wait 24 hours for him to call saying he’s “lost” at the capital grille @ 6^th and Pennsylvania
8. agree to rescue him (and thank heavens you know a few of the staff so its not toooo weird that he somehow found your number -and trust me it aint easy-)
9. pull a particularly sweet pair of pradas out of their box
10. … let nature take its course….

xoxo

the goods…

oh sugrbabies!! have you been behaving yourselves??? i thought not… me either… crazy right?? … who would have thought id be rain soaked and cold on a friday afternoon in June… when im in DC? the gods must be crazy…

speaking of…

lets see…

i know you want the goods….soo… lets see what i ve got for you….

the actor… well… between our schedules… we’ve barely had a chance to see each other…. oh well… maybe when the run is over we will get a chance to make up for lost time…on a beach… in Cali…fingers crossed… reservations made…

i know iknow iknow..you are dying to hear about “the party” the one with the good invite…but you’ll have to wait…sorry to be a tease but…no time to write it all down just yet…but … it wasnt disappointing! if for no other reason than the unexpected celeb factor…oh my…

the latest obsession im totallllly in love with these… someone order them for me …pretty please!

the entertainment lawyer… he lives in NYC… we met in TX …our first date was in LA… seems like he can keep up…but i have to ask myself….can i? seriously…all this stuff has me feeling like a week in my own bed with some netflix…would soooo be in order right about now…

the roommate… welll i know what youre thinking… reallly?? a roomie?? for you?? no way! …but yes….i know i know… silly kids…shes great…you hardly know she is there…( i did make it very clear …she cant share my shoes) she doesn’t eat my food (i dont have any there anyway!) shes neat, quiet, doesnt care what is on the tv…doesnt drink my vodka…and yes shes a wee bit on the young side…and yes shes kind of a bitch… like me…and yes we totallllllly stop traffic when we are out on the street together….but as far as roomies go shes perfect…so… we are getting used to each other…her name is alice.

more soon …i promise…

xoxo

mOBSCENE …the invitation…

….suagarbabies….

what is it that they say??…

for every action…there is an equal (or possibly greater) Re Action…

well  the Re Action…makes for a good story… or bad…depending on how strongly rooted you are in traditional judeo christian mores….but dont get me distracted…

…The invitation…

arrived by courier…

not dhl/or falcon…umm no…. a young kid in a dark navy suit and bangs that hung across one eye….(not as cool as an eye patch…but cool enough)

AND instead of signing for it… he requested that i kiss an ivory card … as he handed me a new tube of Chanel~ No. 95 Red Dream… he blushed while he asked…i just laughed…licked my lips, applied the lipstick…and left a red gash on the paper for him… then i flipped the lipstick upside down like a pen to put my “trademark” xoxo underneath…

the invitation itself…was antique letterpress… on paper that was thicker than the walls in most DC apartments… ivory with a slight metallic sheen to it…

baroque scrolls &  black scriptina letters announcing the date and time that a car would pick me up…

—- truthfully it wasnt my style— i like a little hipster twist with my old school traditional invites…im more helvetica than scriptina… but… i was still amused enough by the couriers deep blush not to care…

the invitation …. was unsigned… anonymous…hmmmmm ok …slightly creepy but ok….maybe …intriguing is a more positive way to see it…

and when i tossed the envelope on the coffee table…i noticed something still hiding inside…

i picked it up and out slid a  gift card… Neimans… more than twice my mortgage payment…dont get too excited i bought BEFORE the bubble.

hmmmm… well that does narrow the field a bit…

a party…how fun…

not really…. truth be told… i havent liked parties since my fourth grade BFF caught her dress on fire at her Bday…AND…ever since its been its pretty hard to get me to agree to attend one… in fact its hard to get me to commit to just about ANYTHING…of course… i almost always have fun once i get there…but i tend to dread it right up until i walk in….

i poured myself a vodka tonic…and sat down to study the invite…

it was expensive… it was custom… and it required an rsvp….

the courier would be back in three days…(same bat place/same bat time) for my

repondez s’il vous plait….

then …. i turned the large-ish card over in my hand…and…

a sly…possibly wicked… grin spread across my face…. i couldnt help it…

there in the bottom corner…. was the symbol….a subtle little icon….i turned it back over in my hand held it up to the light…yep…there it was…the watermark was the same symbol…. i sighed with relief…and maybe a little bit of disbelief … it wasnt  a stuffy affair after all…and it definitely had not come from the person who initially came to mind….nope…

all of the sudden…this had….whats the word???…. possibilities…

real possibilities….

i had heard of this party…and i knew the invites were pretty exclusive…

and i was fleetingly glad to have had the food poisoning diet thing last week…

it was gonna be….

ummm…how to put this???

provocative…

awesome.…dont worry sugarbabies… the irony of a bad porn plot for a life..is not lost on me…

i practically danced over to my new giuseppe zanottis….and… kissed them….

ive been toooo good of late…..(Action meet ReAction)

and an engraved invitation to be bad… had just arrived…via courier no less… how fucking timely…and FUN… wow ….

and just like that..i realized how bored (and boring??) ive been the last few months…

xoxo

“you came to see the MobScene… i know it isnt your Scene… its better than a Sex Scene…and its so fucking ObScene…ObScene…yeah”….  MM

….to be continued….

The Sleeping with Rockstars Edition…

oh sugarbabies….

i startled out of a pretty deep  sleep…when i heard the knock on the door….i almost immediately realized i was in a hotel …which hotel and why came to me  slower ….i was half outta bed pulling the sheet around me when i realized it was Lenny Briscoe….and that id fallen asleep with the tv on… as evvvveryone will tell you…im apt to do…

i smiled at lenny….i miss you…rip

then i heard another noise that made me jump again… snoring…

damn…yep…hes there passed out on the sofa…. crap…

i looked under the sheets….i still had panties AND a tank top on… ok ok ok good… im not a TOTAL whore…

i fell back into to bed…. hearing to him breathing… was … comforting…

i looked at the clock…and pulled on my jeans… 6am.. central time…

i stepped kinda gingerly watching out for guitars and other assorted equip that was strewn EVERYWHERE….arrrgh…

i headed to the kitchen…pushed open the door… hugged maria… she hugged me back… we go back a loooong way….i pulled a stool up to the counter and she poured me a cup of coffee….

“you two have been spending a lot of time together”… she winked….

“no… no no… we havent sugar… we just seem to spend the bits of time we DO spend together here!”

she just  shrugged…and passed me a peach yogurt from the fridge…. i poured some coffee into a carafe, grabbed an unseemly number of splendas and headed back to my room…

he was in the bed…

i snuggled in next to him…

“friends… til the end” ???

when he said it there was a little bit of a question in his voice….

it usually comes out as a statement….

our statement…

our promise that no matter what… or who… or where… or how we’d alllways be there for each other… some folks youre just connected to like that…and you know that thick or thin…(and he happens to be in  a thin spot…at the moment) they are there…

i thought for a min….

before i kissed his forehead and told him…

“til the end sugar”….

but to myself….. i couldnt help but remember him trying to hide the track marks and thinking…

“the bitter end”

xoxo

a sex kitten in the showroom…

sugarbabies!!!

we have some catching up to do! so we better get started…

let me see… after what will be from hear on out known as the chipmunk assault of 09… during which Sex on Wheels was parked quietly minding her own business while i was traipsing about <read-taking the metro> (thats right bitchez!! in 2009 im alll about riding the PT Cruiser {Pub Trans} ) a family of those lil fuckers got busy and chewed all her hoses/wires/belts… now… i dont know if you have replaced hoses wires and belts on a sexy european sports car before (i have a feeling a few of you have) … but …it rang in at almost 6k..

holy rascally rodents  batman!

damn.. there goes  any sort of vacay this year right?? but NO …..thank you baby jesus… karma… fate ….or insurance adjuster who has a thing for blondes… but yeah …the insurance company covers it…. whod have guessd??!

whew…

sooooo…. while sex on wheels was suffering certain indiginties associated with rodents and a lube job…. i made my way… in my loaner car (a chevy equinox that had best not be the hope of the american car industry) to  a dealer across town…just to …you know…

see what was sexy on his lot…

i ran my fingers over a red ferrari in the show room…and told him the make and model i was looking for… and…ummm… sir… she HAS to be convertable….

ah i have JUST the car for you! his eyes lit up….

after looking her over i pointed to another convertable across the lot…

Oh he said kind of hanging his head you prob dont want that one…its a manual transmission

silly boy… if there is one thing i know how to handle … its a stick…

i left…

more soon sugarbabies…

xoxo

when a sex kitten shops for lingerie…

sugarbabies…

evidently after a vodka tonic…a perfect sidecar…and a few stoli doli’s at the capital grille…i can be talked into almost anything…and thats how i ended up at a lingerie show…made exxxtra  classy by the fact that not just the models but also the FOOD were supplied by the infamous -read: topless- …crystal city diner…

we arrived fashionably late…and i was soon whisked into the makeup tent… so that a solid B lister of an infamous DC  drag queen could glam up my make up… sorry kids…i know  i know…but i showed up with a (gasp) bare face… and well im all about keeping it sexy….so…. 10 min later i have what the drag queen is calling a “smokey eye” and what i refer to as tammy faye gone streetwalker… but… whatever… everybody looks pretty under hot pink lights…um ok…almost everybody…

smile sugarbabies

after fingering a bit of burlesque-y beaded bits from this boutique

and confirming that a certain vintage chanel ring i have can indeed be repaired with a cute georgetown jeweler….

i headed home… i was double dating (going out more more than once a night) … i finally rolled home and crashed around 3am…

at 7 am..

there was an unfamiliar nuzzle on the back of my neck…

umm.. oh hai! iz forgot youze here…

the older gentleman next to me was asking for a morning romp…. i found the leash …threw my fur coat over my sweats … & we headed out… for a quick jaunt to the nearest flower box for some business… i figured folks were looking at how his fur kinda matched my fur…. and noting that his “pimp walk”  (read: hip dysplasia ) was tight and thinking to myself….

yeah bitchez we coordinate…. and …wow my head hurts bad…

yeah… ummm it didnt even occur to me…

that last nights “smokey eye” had slid about an inch to the left and a half inch down…

the only thing i can say…is …umm…if you noticed a homeless looking cruellla deville walking the streets of dc bleary eyed with a gimpy older pup on sunday morn ….ummm my bad… im sorry sugarbabies….but being a sex kitten…. well…it  is not ALL bon bons and bacon…

xoxo

Essential Sex Kitten 3.0: the try it youll like it edition

sugarbabies…
im not usually a “joiner” but.. who could say no to the

4th annual silent poetry reading its …umm…TODAY!

be sure to pop around the blogosphere and see who else is posting poetry today…Start here or here trust me sugarbabies… poetry is sexy… and according to
Punxatawney Phil we are gonna be cooped up for a few more weeks…soo..
today is a good day to give it a go…..

Her Kind

I have gone out, a possessed witch
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.

I have found the warm caves in the woods,
filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,
closets, silks, innumerable goods;
fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:
whining, rearranging the disalign.
A woman like that is misunderstood.
I have been her kind.

I have ridden in your cart, driver,
waved my nude arms at villages going by,
learning the last bright routes, survivor
where your flames still bite my thigh
and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.
A woman like that is not ashamed to die.
I have been her kind.

-Anne Sexton

AND just one more… cause i know you dont reallly wannna get back to work just yet…

Desire

in my dreams
I hold my lovers
next to me all at once
and ask them

what was it I desired?

my hands are full
of their heads
like bunches of cut roses
blond hair, brown hair, red, black,
their eyes are pools of bewilderment
staring up at me
from the bouquet

what was it I desired?
I ask again

was it your bodies?
did I hope by draping
your flesh over me
I could escape
boredom
loneliness
gray hairs shooting
towards me
from the future
like thin arrows?
did I think I could escape,
by taking your breath
into my mouth,
did I think I could escape
the responsibility
of breathing?

what did I desire in you?

sex
knowledge?
power?
love?

did I expect the clouds to
crack
and blue moths to fly out of the stars?
did I expect a voice
to call to me
saying
“Here at last is the answer.”

what
I yell at them
shaking my lovers
what did I desire in you?

their ears fall off like petals
they shed their faces
in a pile at my feet
their bewildered eyes
pucker and close
centers of fallen flowers

the last face
floats down
circling in the darkness
at my feet

what did I desire in you? I whisper

the stems of their bodies
dry in my hands
– Mary Mackey

ok ok…i gave up fighting with wordpress to make this thing look half decent …i know its hard to read…but i think good poems…like good girls/boys…are worth a little struggle…

xoxo

this is what a sex kitten umm i mean feminist looks like @ 630am

sugarbabies….

you know what vexes me about the anti abortion movement???

they swell their numbers with children…they bus in thousands middle school and high schoolers… like it is a sort of macabre field trip…and use them to inflate their numbers…what are the kids supposed to do???…it is their chance to “come to Wash DC”…  to me …it is a bit like enlisting child soldiers…using brainwashed emotionally vulnerable children to fight your battles doesnt seem right… yeah ummmm its a complex issue busing in your babies seems ummmm…. not ok…

and on a side note…gathering under my window to shout orders to your child soldiers at 630 am…also not ok…for some reason….of alll the protests that go on here….they are the only ones that consistently get this bit wrong…

sooooo ummmm sugarbabies if you happened to notice a sleepy eyed scantily dressed sex kitten on the stoop this morning…pointing out to the leaders of this particular crowd…that if they moved two feet to the left they would be shouting in front of an empty lot and NOT my bedroom window……yeah….ummm maybe i should have put on a robe or a snuggie or something…but… umm whatever…. my way worked….i mean…you shoulda seen em…. i had their FULL attention…

maybe i should have shouted something more poignant….than “get off my lawn”

xoxo

a sex kitten on ice…

sweeeet glory sugarbabies….

its was cold down there on the front row with all those sweaty lil hockey players…im soo glad that at the last min i threw on the fur (its getting lots of use these days)… cause really wearing a jersey seems a little bourgeois  …and well….im not the type to “blend in” at a sporting event…but thats another story…anyway…

semin isnt how i spell it

Semin isnt how i spell it …but…whatevs… he IS adorable….

and so is this one…

why hellllllo sugarrrrr baby.......

do i give a shit know anything about hockey…umm…no…

but its still fun to:

glam up the house with your fur coat…

champagne cocktails and to

hear a few whispers of  who is she?  &  did you see her shoes?

(lovies:  bright red pradas are the only TEAM colored items i own)

to have your messages thrown up on the “jumbotron”…

all that AND i managed to keep my hair out of the guy behind mes beer…

(although he admitted to some close calls and to keeping it close to his chest)

yeah our team lost…but….no worries sugarbabies…it didnt put a damper on the afterparty….

seriously kids….i party…so you dont have to….

xoxo

essential sex kitten…2.0

sugarbabies…

if..

• you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies”  because maybe…
• you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
• you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
• cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
• sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …

and here is the lesson kids….

grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…

xoxo

a sex kittens eternal sunshine…

sugarbabies…

i came home today…

eternal sunshine … aka miami… is a great cure for the winter blues…

i didnt buy a return ticket ’cause i wasnt sure how long i was gonna stay… how long it would take to start feeling like myself again… but… after a few days i realized i really just wanted to come home (home…. is such a raw word for me these days) and deal with stuff …not hide in plain sight on a fancy yacht…one of the good things about money… is that if you have enough of it you can pretty much afford to distract yourself from almost anything you dont want to deal with… one of the the bad things is…. it never reallllly works….soo…. i booked a flight home…

i called abdul  sorry thats Ab-Cool…. i wanted to practice delegating… to give up some responsibility…any responsibility…and i havent used the car service in ages…its an easy enough thing to give up on cold dreary nights when your mind is elsewhere….he seemed genuinely happy to see me…. and what girl doesnt like getting greeted at the airport by a good looking man with a bear hug??? even if he is… the limo driver…

i dropped my bag by the door…one of my mad skillz…is that i can pretty much pack for an indefinite period of time in one bag… one med sized Tumi Ballistic overnight bag…i like to think the skill is mine… but… it might be the near perfect design of the bag… i wish Tumi would come out with a line for emotional baggage…

there were empty bottles of VOSS filling the sink… (in 2009 i would realllly like to get the housekeeper on some sort of regular schedule; and delegate more, and learn to open a bottle of champagne…)…the 2 dozen white roses hadnt drooped yet (amazing) … on the table theres a small pile of literary magazines, a large pile of junk mail, a few late christmas cards (better late than never…right?) a note taped to the bathroom mirror means ill probably need to get a restraining order…great…like i have time for that…a vintage fur coat is on the floor by the sofa… i have hardly worn it this year… but the slight sunburn and the cold…make me wanna climb into something extra cozy … the heat has been turned off for a few days…  the place is freezing…i slip the coat on… sometimes i reallly do feel granny with me when i wear it…

i think of the christmas eve midnight mass ….when i was a little kid … and i fell asleep in the pew snuggled up against her and that fur coat…  thats religion to me…

i look around… its dark and the lights dont  seem to help…

i turn on the game…tell me they didnt just throw it to bobby wade….christ…

i pour a vodka tonic… (a familiar act turned silly & glamorous by the addition of the fur)

and then

<insert the sounds of hell freezing over>

i called a boy…

its 2009 bitchezzzz…a new year …ANYTHING …..could happen…

xoxo

“im not a concept…im just a fucked up girl looking for her own peace piece of mind…” -clementine

the problem with the pill…

sugarbabies…

i’m pregnant….i know its the last thing you expected…me too….

Happy New Year

ok ok

im just messing with you…but realllly i do mean the happy new year thing.. and im wishing alll kinds of good (and naughty) things for you all in the new year..

i just talked to my Dr. and im pretty sure that the INSANE case of PMS that i’ve had for several weeks that caused me to cry uncontrollably for almost a week…awesomeness… is merely the result of the new pill she put me on..

“oh yeah thats a common side effect” …..she told me alll  casually…

like i hadnt spent the last few weeks believing myself to be completely loosing my grip …doing alll i could to avoid friends and parties…and… generally feeling like a blonder ann sexton (with better shoes of course)….

fucking the hells??

bitch couldnt have mentioned that????????

i decided to hate her..but…..i suck at that sooo i just burst into tears…

to which she replied…

im calling the pharmacy now… new pills AND some valium…

see… now i heart her…

soo if the mood swings dont kill me.. ill be blaming my red eyes on the chlorine….. as i head down to sit on santas lap in the swanky hot tubs of miami..

you kids dont wait up

xoxo

urgency….

urgency – the state of being urgent; an earnest and insistent necessity

necessity – the condition of being essential or indispensable

hurry, haste – a condition of urgency making it necessary to hurry; “in a hurry to lock the door”

imperativeness, insistency, press, insistence, pressure – the state of demanding notice or attention; “the insistence of their hunger”; “the press of business matters”

criticality, criticalness, cruciality – a state of critical urgency

urgency – pressing importance requiring speedy action; “the urgency of his need”

importance – the quality of being important and worthy of note; “the importance of a well-balanced diet”

sharpness, edge – the attribute of urgency in tone of voice; “his voice had an edge to it”

imperativeness, instancy – the quality of being insistent; “he pressed his demand with considerable instancy”

its not the kind of thing that youre supposed to want…..but  then….ive always been hard to shop for…

xoxo

knights move thinking

…great…

of course….asking the printer to actuallly work would be wayyyy tooo much… fuck christmas cards…

i need to eat something….what time is it??

3:00…..christ… ive only eaten some grated cheddar…no wonder i have this fucking throbbing headache….

ipod: My Life with The Thrill Kill Kult: ….as soon as i can im getting out of here….

yeah i need to get outta here…where are my shoes???…no…. not those….no i think i want the tall boots…the pointy dior ones with five inch stiletto heels…i havent worn those in a while….christ… this closet is cluttered….

do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning the closet do not start cleaning

here they are… god damn they hurt my feet… perfect…last time my toe nails scrunched up against my toes and when i took these fuckers off my feet were a bloody mess….

glamour is a rocky road….

perfect…. thats exactly what i want… fuck fuck fuck….

Skin flicks… lipstick…  baby scribbles in the mirror…

i need the “narrow at the ankle” skinny jeans…good thing i did laundry…

and the thigh high “socks” OVER the jeans…yep…

damn these boots are hot  ….i should wear them more often…but fuck me

drama overdoses….

yeah …they still reallllly hurt my feet…

i dont care…. i wanna wear em anyway…im looking forward to the hurt..

it feels kinda good…

no good isnt the word….what is it??? they feelll ____???? welll…. i feel…..

i FEEL a LOT….. these days…its too much…. id rather just feel my feet….even if its cause they hurt..

chickie babys gone off the deep end

pain….plain ole predictable foot pain…  that im in CONTROL of….

is almost…whats the word??????…. comforting…

and then he hit me …and it felt like a kiss…

no not comforting….but well…it beats….{ha a pun…i rock}……yeah it beats the shit out of any inner turmoil crap….

god damn…..ive had an emotionally exhausting few days….

i just wanna turn it all offf!! offf…offff….offf

change get back to the beginning…

i do not have time to psycho analyze my relationship with a pair of designer dominatrix boots…..

i wanna get outta here…now…

change… go back to the beginning…

emotional honesty as  bravery…. or vanity…..seriously??? for fucks sake im shaking …

i want out of here….

thoughtless words are like shadows…

where the fuck is my overnight bag???

where is my phone???

hey beeotch…no not too good… i could prob use that…can you bring some valium?… feel like fish???

ok… see you in an hour …ish… bye.

god dammit im outta soda pop…

i’ll go to burger king on my way out…but christ i want to get out of here…now…now…

from a world where words… are like graven images

zip these fucking boots up…

yeah im feeling  a little bad ass….ill wear the red leather jacket….looks cute with my t-shirt….

bag? check.

lip gloss? check.

credit cards? check.

cell phone? check.

turn off the heat.. Check.

damn… the flowers… they need to go to the trash… fuck.. i dont want to take the time… i want to leave NOW… fuck ‘em and fuck him tooo…

we talk …we twist …we turn …we blow our circuits….

ok im out…

—- whats that guy doing?? — Christ on a Stick… hes peeing on my building….great…just ignore him walk away…walk away..

no he didnt just call me sweetness….

fuck hes gonna pee on me! ….

” yeah i see your junk… put it away… NOW”

it could’ve been you..it could’ve been me…

@ burger king walk up window: “can i get a large diet soda?”

FUCK-ing-A…. he did NOT follow me here with his shit…still out…. christ….i *heart* dc i *heart* dc

“Hell no… im not buying you shit! put your junk away before i call the cops…im not fucking kidding!! you just tried to piss on me!  fucking cocksucker if you dont put it away ill get that cop!

butterscotch!!! you fucker ….walk to the garage dont run..walk… walk…dont run …walk …dont run…

buses… roadies…  a concert is loading in… i dont care i want out of here….i want out before the crowd shows up….

where did i park?? oh… hi baby… unlock…slide down behind the wheel… push the ipod into the holster…

change… get back to the beginning…in the hour of zero
fuck my head is throbbing… turn the music up louder… louder…louder…ah….

born into a life where pain is your very best friend…

fuck… missed the light…there  is L-bomb’s place WTF is up with him???… he left his business card on my windshield last week…WTF  do i do with that??? …fucking great…green light green light green light..i want to go…i want out of here…

one life…one fire… get back to the beginning…

unmarked car rolling up behind me… fucking helll…. whew…its just “columbian hottys” husband…. he prob wants to know if im gonna mention seeing him {redacted} his secret is safe with me…. thats between them…. nod back to him…nod… asshole….

this town is toooo fucking small….

its the way of the wicked…

green light green light green light… peel out…if unmarked wants to stop me… he’ll have to catch me… i wanna be doing 90… i wanna be going fast….i wanna be over that bridge…

theres no time for love….

im not one of the brave ones… and im not sure if im vain….maybe i am… but now…right now…. all i want is to run… all i can think about is running… im running… again… but dammmmnit… i have no idea where im going…

theres no time for love… where the wild ones live..

xoxo

****editors note****

i felt much better after two drinks a valium and some grilled tilapia in lemon butter sauce… and no worries…i just cuss  a heck of a lot more in my head…than when i talk..

xoxo

roping the moon…

sugarbabies…

… i dreamed i roped the moon…

or i grabbed the rope… i saw this  rope attached to the moon…and noticed that the moon wasnt in the right place…hummm…

so i grabbed the rope…but then…once i had the moon…i didnt know what to do with it…

typical…  i know

and nobody would take the rope…i couldnt give the moon away… i was gonna have to figure it out myself…

’cause oh yeah  ..the moon was hurtling  toward the earth…

and i was trying to keep the inevitable collision from being too hard…

with just a limp rope…  (some of the material i GIVE you guys is tooo easy)

i was desperately trying to negotiate some sort of best case scenario…

…a soft bounce…

ok ok…

…. it wasnt as good as the dream i had where i taught Moses how to make butter..where  im just churning away…and i kept telling him..dont worry the people are gonna love this shit i swear!!!

but…

it was still a pretty good dream…

sugarbabies…..be careful what you wish for ….

xoxo