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I am a city girl… i wear all black…maybe some gray …maybe some olive green… everything in my closet matches everything else…

that said…

i don’t usually like black lingerie…i mean of course its classic, goes with everything….etc etc..but…**yawn**

i like my naughty bits wrapped in neon pink, pushed up with lime greens, wrapped tightly in leopard prints. Azure blue peeks out from under my sweater when the neckline slides too far in any direction…yellow mesh with bits of pink ribbon laced corset style up the cup… blue and white gingham ruffles over lace… yes love, that IS a bit of blaze orange under Karl Lagerfelds silk georgette camo blouse… black would work i guess…but the orange….the orange takes it up a notch…even if nobody sees…even if no one whispers “are you wearing orange under there?” and even if nobody kisses my neck while their hands find a way to push up my sweater in the back of a town car on the way home  ….  i know…. and that is usually enough to keep my shoulders back and posture tall when my feet hurt and I’m at my 3rd round of drag shows for the weekend…and the envelope of white powder being passed round the table is a new body glitter – i cant make this stuff up – also i am slightly mortified to announce that there may or may not be pix of me circulating on the internet with a man wearing a hat made entirely of gilded dongs…

and yes …if you want your knickers to have hooks and snaps and ribbons…. where? yes there… then Europe has always been the best place to buy … and yes it costs more than is reasonable… and it can be hard, even for me,  to justify $130.00 for a thong… but then…then… you find that your favorite source for fun colors, quality laces and, extreme designs has come out with a new line inspired by Monica Cruz the lil sister of Penelope Cruz….and its designed by the sisters… and it’s priced at a very flattering price point that says special but not out of reach

meet  L’Agent the new collaboration with luxury lingerie label Agent Provocateur

*sigh* im particularly fond of the “monica” set…but how to choose a color?!?

here is the video NSFW… and oh wait is that lil sis Monica Cruz in her last trimester making an adorable appearance at about 1:17 …oh…i think it is…

Available from Nordstrom (online only… best i can tell – their lingerie manager never called me back :-/  ) if you want free shipping to anywhere…

or from Net A Porter if you prefer yours to come in a lil black box…that seems just the right amount of mysterious..maybe even naughty…

xoxo

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via: wayne white

via: wayne white

im thinkin this painting …pretty much sums up my life… in optimal keywords/tags…

xoxo

 

 

 

…insomnia is a bigger bitch than me…

and she works a number on your skin your hair your overall disposition…and … i have had a hard go of it lately ….all round… from all sides work/home/friends/lovers….just really fu(like every  cliché you ever heard) to music….and while nobody sings the blues like muddy and everybody knows i love me some johnny cash…sad twangy county music isn’t always the road i choose…sometimes i like it a little darker…sometimes i wanna hear about lovers and ledges and about knowing what i ought to do but doing wrong anyway.. … and when that’s the case i dig out the cd this lil goth band from way back … Tapping the Vein…whose album The Damage has been spot on for me a few times over the years…this past week it has been blaring from my car stereo…. these are the two getting the heaviest rotation right now…

related: pretty sure  some folks in my garage hate me right now…


 

math

sugarbabies…

i took umbrage when i came across an article …that suggested that women today should not  try to cultivate a sex kitten image…maybe it was this line…

Today, more than ever, women are having an outrageously difficult time trying to figure out what it is we want and who we want to be. There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional independence and success or living in the fairy-tale house with the white-picket fence. Yet there’s still this little voice from some Cosmopolitan article that says any real woman can do all that because she has this amazing sexual presence.

well first….really??? “today, more than ever, outrageously difficult”… are we talking about the same generation that feels soo entitled that last month the receptionist didnt feel she should have to  answer the phone?? Interns that tell their bosses what days they will work? that generation? cause… yeah..no… im not buying it…id say that is a cop out..and that while there is still a ways to go…that GREAT strides have been made..and that those strides include the choice to exercise our inner sex kitten… but maybe it IS time for a more modern definition of a “sex kitten”…

photo via: Tom Ford Eyewear

for me …it has always been a woman who doesnt have to repress her sexuality to be considered equal… quite the opposite… someone who is smart enough to recognize and even revel in the differences between men and women… and who can be BOTH professional and sexual… you know…like men …now im not trying to unduly criticize the author…shes a college kid… and wow im glad most of the  crap i wrote in the college paper isn’t plastered all over  the net for silly google searches to provoke comment from random sex kittens …. i see where she was going..(i think) but… i think ….she is missing the point…and that helen gurly brown would agree … that the little voice from cosmo isnt saying she can do all that because she has an amazing sexual presence….its say you can do all that AND have an amazing sexual presence….

xoxo

first..your boyfriend doesn’t think i’m a bitch… you do… its not the same… but don’t worry… i TOLD him i’m a bitch… he took it as a challenge… your boyfriend is a little bit competitive and likes a bit of a challenge… and i’ve got that over you… cause he already KNOWS he can have you … and hes bored with your tory burch ballerina flats…and diaper bag of a purse… sorry love…  milquetoast isn’t sexy…and adding a bit of spice doesn’t make me a bitch..it makes me smart…

also…

…your boyfriend doesn’t like  drama… he doesn’t want to fight… he does like sex… he likes  angry sex and make up sex and morning sex and two am after the club sex and lets watch a movie in bed sex and before sunday brunch sex and during sunday brunch sex and i had a long day at work sex and gee your hair smells terrific sex and mmmm you look good in that dress take it off sex…

i’m not saying its just sex… but there is a lot to be said for keeping things…sexy…

via: mmrpg.net

because

i may be a spoiled…slightly ocd…passive aggressive bitch with daddy issues who drives too fast…cant park for shit…drinks too often…swears too much… carries around a ridiculously tiny dog (also a certified bitch)…eats carbs …stays out late on school nights…pouts…cant keep her fridge stocked with more than mixers… shameless flirt… in slutty shoes…but….

at my core…

i’m a really positive person….and

in a town full of spin doctors… trained to find and concentrate on the negative …that’s sexy…or at least your boyfriend thought it was ;-)…

xoxo

its not easy to find a man who will choke you…

the first time a man put his hand on the back of my neck…tightly…we were in an art gallery…and he spied something on the other side of the room…instead of taking my arm…he put his hand on the back of my neck… and guided me in the other direction….. the gesture was subtle…unexpectedly intimate…almost aggressive…  i spent the rest of the night (and pretty much that relationship … maybe every relationship since) trying to figure out how to get his hands back to my neck

photo by: juan cruz

there is something vulnerable and animalistic about exposing your throat to someone…..having someone pull your hair … force your chin up and expose that soft spot… that bit of neck…

theres a  pulsing feeling when the  blood starts to rush…a dizzy sensation…your head spins a little when you realize youre not in control anymore… not even close… and you can feel your own pulse against his thumb…

there isnt much that is sexier…than… power…and control…

except maybe surrendering it… and

i dont remember exactly when or where it started but i do love when a man

wraps his fingers around my throat… and…

takes my breath away…

xoxo

“is there anyone out there …cause its getting harder and harder to breathe….” ~maroon 5

ed note: edge play of any kind is by its very nature dangerous….dont do it…

sugarbabies…

i dont lean toward the dramatic…ok maybe i do…im  a leo…its in my genetic makeup…and… my relationship with fashion…well…its complicated…but its true that im not at allll trying to be dramatic when i say that…sometimes i can go almost two days without thinking

fucking hell…mcqueen …is gone….

mostly i think of him while im dressing… sliding on his bangle… ring… or shoe .. i reach for the iconic silk scarves less this time of year… partly because i want a warmer cashmere and partly because i treasure them more than ever and figure most of my meetings dont deserve him…

i miss him

and its a selfish miss….if there was anything that i needed to work on but was uninspired…id merely put it off and wait for fashion week to roll around… and just let him inspire me in some direction..(im a lazy bitch we have covered that before)…and every season… id be all …“oh im not gonna get my hopes up last season was soooo good surely this one will be a let down”.… but it never was…. there was a double amputee model on carved wooden legs for christs sake… there were paint spraying robots painting white cotton dresses as models sauntered down the runway…and the shoes… omg…every season the shoes….the amazing red cape that hes quoted as saying came from a  “sinister place“… the sequins that were more like scales…etc. etc. etc…::sigh::

i even turned to my asst  after his last show watching those crazy claw shoes and the undersea creature platforms and said …

“well he can die happy  now he’s never gonna top that”….

but i didnt mean it…

and it wasnt  true…. the stuff that he had ready for the next season was spectacular… and morbid… and genius…

and well…. its fashion week…and every time someone says something about it …. i just kinda shrug …

I am sure that there are new and talented designers out there….and i am sure i would find them inspiring …. i even like the stuff his house has been putting out since his passing- those kids  are working hard to be true to his vision (as if we could know it)… but ….

im not ready yet…

im still grieving l’enfant terrible

the king is dead…….. long live mcqueen

xoxo


the king is dead..long live mcqueen...

look sugarbabies..

as you might guess… exiled chilean communist poets … are not generally known as men of means… but that never stopped Pablo and it shouldnt stop you…

hmm valentines day…. “what WOULD pablo do?”

you know who i mean ….arguably the most romantic exiled chilean communist poet to ever live …

pablo neruda…

annnd i know ive told you before…lots of times.. NOT to expect girls to like the things i like… BUT in this case…if she cant appreciate anything on this little list… then NOTHING you do will ever be good enough and you should run not walk the other way…and boys… if you really wanna do right and earn some karma… try to remember that valentines day isnt just for sweethearts… remember the women who make your life interesting… fun…or easier…moms daughters barristas receptionists dry cleaners housekeepers neighbors the girl who smiles at you on the bus… sometimes little things really really DO mean a lot… but yeah no pressure….

what would pablo do?

valentines day gift ideas that wont break the bank…

What Would Pablo Do

1) i love to give this lil edition of love poems from pablo neruda to friends and loves alike …i may even have been known to hide it deep in the spare tire compartment of cars i trade in… wishing the next owner well… & should they suffer a flat at least they have something to read while waiting for AAA… $11

2) champagne flutes from Tiffany and Co. at $15 each and wrapped in a huge blue box and tied with ribbon….. you will look like a rock-star… throw in a bottle of champagne and youre still not busting the budget… (depending, of course.. on how swanky your particular champagne tastes run )

3) cakeballs… yeah you read that right..CAKEBALLS …self explanatory.. & they ship

4)  Ikea … $24 for a wee lil sheepskin rug that makes her think of you when she curls her toes… win…

5) also at Ikea … a rectangle vase for $2.50 (how do they even do that) pretty pink carnations are sweet…hardy… economical  and dont have quite the same commitment / connotation as roses… not to mention the whole “roses on valentines day” thing is a racket and is pretty played out… keep it simple…

6) while ill prob never forgive them for making me fly first class next to women in velor track suits… this cute lil ring from Juicy Couture has been on my wish list for a while now… $88 is a bit on the pricier side of this particular list..but i couldnt resist putting it here… i think pablo would approve..

7) theater tix are surprisingly affordable…and they support the arts a good cause! less conventional theaters are a favorite of mine… the prices are better and setting more intimate… depending on your level of commitment they have season subscriptions.. or half seasons.. or a single show..

personnally … id recommend a combo…snuggle on a sheepskin rug…. while somebody makes me dinner… pours a chilean red… and reads a bit of neruda… you know…. take

* barry and levons advise ….cook and chill….

Te amo como se aman ciertas cosa oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
— Pablo Neruda
ed note: yes phil.. i DID work barry and levon  into a post with pablo neruda ahhh yeah.. youre welcome! xoxo

sugarbabies…

im not trying to hurt anyone… ask anyone who knows me… you’d be hard pressed to find anyone more loathe to hurt anyone’s feelings than me… truth be told im a softie…

but

i dont ask questions … and i dont like to answer questions… im extremely gifted when it comes to talking a lot but saying very little… theres a good chance you wont know anything about me after a twenty min conversation..and unless i really give a shit..and i prob dont…i wont have wanted you to tell me anything either… and if you did i can wager it was not in response to a question of mine…people love to talk…they are afraid of the silences …and if just sit there and nod…sip my vodka tonic…often they will go on and on in  intimate detail…. but … i dont ask… so if there is something that you dont want to tell me… im ok with that.. i dont need to know everything about you… and as far as im concerned you dont need to know everything about me… im private that way … sue me…so yes ive dated men whose middle name i never knew…whose age i never knew…whose job title i never knew… whose marital status… i never knew… or cared about…if youre not being honest with yourself or someone else…thats something YOU have to deal with not me… and i dont want to hear about it…please dont confess your shit to me…

i care about the moment and im selfish about it…

and i try to be up front about it…sometimes im better at it than others….but i try to say what i want…and i always warn folks that im selfish and fickle..and that i dont recommend that they get attached because i wont…and ill be gone more than im around…and that you’lll never know what to expect…that sometimes that is great and other times not so much… and i wont apologize for it… and i dont know if this makes me a bad person… but it definitely makes me me… and to be honest..im a happy person… realllly happy… i love my life…and when i look around and see allll these unhappy people lately…i just want to shake them… tell them to take responsibility for their own happiness…to stop wanting someone or some thing to make them happy…it just doesn’t work like that…that life is both deep AND ordinary at the same time … that everything is pretty through an instagram filter….. find the filter that makes your life the life YOU want… and apply it…the rest falls into place…or at least you have fun wiggling the pieces about… trust me im no picnic… but … still…. im amazed at the number of folks who love me just the way i am… the rest of ’em… well screw ’em…im not trying to live their life…. i dont need/want what they have… and im ok with that…its just that sometimes…. i wish they were ok with it too…

now …

could somebody please go tell my mom im happy… thanks…

xoxo

sugarbaby…….

seriously…

you should know some things about me…

im prob not the person you think i am…

im not particularly nice… im selfish… i know that about myself… im ok with it…

being with me wont make you happy… youre responsible for your own happiness..

i wont let you fix shit in my life either…except maybe breakfast

i keep secrets…its my life… if i wanna share it… i will…but…dont count on it…

i dont open up easily…

no thats not it… i just dont open up… dont take it personally

im fiercely protective of my privacy…my family… my work…and my friends…

i wont tell you anything about them

i probably wont share them with you…ever…

i’ll happily pay for the drinks …the dinners…the tickets…

but i want you leave before the sun comes up…

unless…youre making me breakfast … and feeding it to me…

then i want you to leave after you clean the kitchen…

i like an unreasonable number of artificial sweeteners in my coffee… and i dont care what you think about that…

if you are allowed to drive my car…i will tell you…if i didnt give you the key…you are not allowed to drive it….dont act like you dont know this…and if you cant afford to replace her (and you cant) then dont help yourself to the spare key…

im not gonna hide my vibrator …i dont care what you think about that either

im not gonna invite you to the country house… its an escape … from people… like you…

if its late and you took the metro… i dont care how you get home… call a cab…from the curb…

dont assume things about me… it makes you look  bourgeois and boring

im ok with second chances…third ones even…shit happens i get it… but after that…i simply wont answer the phone……ever

dont mistake kindness for weakness… im tougher than i look…im probably tougher than you…

i get bored easily…

i wont co-sign anything for you….or your sister…or your drummer

in all likelihood i will never call you….i dont care that you think thats unreasonable

i wont fight with you …and …raising your voice wont get you anywhere…

i probably wont go to your office party… or take you backstage with me….

i wont talk to your mom on the phone…

i wont invite you on business trips….

i wont invite you on pleasure trips with my friends/family….

i wont ask questions -if i dont want to know the answer ….wait  let me say that again…its important so pay attention…. i wont ask questions -if i dont want to know the answer … you should do the same….

im not a therapist…or a priest….i dont want you to  confess your shit to me…

im friends with almost alll of my ex’s and in regular contact with them… deal with it…

soooooo…sugar you seem like a nice guy….

and

maybe meridith brooks said it best….

i do not envy you… im a little bit of everything all rolled into one…

im a bitch im a lover im a child im a mother im sinner im a saint… and i do not feel ashamed…im your hell im your dream …i am nothing in between…

and you wouldnt want it any other way….

and oh yeah..

i wont go through this list again…

even though it will change…. constantly…

sooo that whole “getting to know me” thing… yeah …well good luck with that…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

i passed POTUS as he was headed up to the hill…i felt like that fight {read: sotu} might get bloody and mama always said… not to watch boys fighting..it only encourages ’em …so i pushed my sexy european sports car into an illegal uturn and  headed the other way across the bridge …parked her illegally in a  spot near the back door (you just neeeever know when you might need to make a speedy get away)  and made my way into my favorite honky tonk… i ordered beer…  i know i know  but vodka tonics in honky tonks are kinda rude …like cocktail dresses in daylight…. i ordered them for the boy next to me too… his poor little heart {read: ego}had taken a wee beating that day so he seemed glad to not  have to work for it.. no worries… no free rides… he did indeed trade hair compliments  for beers …obviously his mama taught him right….

sooo while i sipped from a longneck…

and discussed the human condition…the degradation of privacy…how you cant trust women… and the price of rotisserie chicken…

i watched boys sing… strum guitars… slap rhythm…

for as long as any reasonable person could considering it was open mic night…

and when i hit the whitehurst freeway i had evvvery real intention of going home… really …. i did….

but when a midnight on the dot (and aunt fern said nuthin good happens after midnight! )text came with just the address of a k st martini bar… and oh what the hell …i am practically ON K street… i decided it was probably fate… and yes sugarbabies…  the night {read:me} prob went straight to hell…  the min  i made that impulsive/risky sexual decision

and i knew it was only gonna lead to trouble…

but i walked right up to that trouble… and maybe i kissed it on the mouth before i sat down… and  maybe i decided that the State of the Union wasnt the only fight worth taking on that night… and maybe  after a min or two he knew that i wasnt there just to play footsie…but to hold his feet to the fire… and maybe he shifted uncomfortably in his seat… but then…he squared his shoulders…acknowledged his flaws…and apologized … im pretty sure my shoulders relaxed visibly… and when the bartender asked if i wanted anything else…

maybe i looked him right in the eyes and said…

id reallly like some whipped cream…

xoxo

Now I’m a little older and addicted to the whip
When I’m chained to the wall I feel mighty hip

~lords of acid

sugarbabies…

for a long time the door at my country place was painted Hot Pink

i did it myself… on a hot summer day in just a  hanes wife beater t shirt … and panties  (one of the perks of country life…you dont HAVE to wear pants…)

and it was puuurfect… everyone always commented how “ME”  it was…I took it as a compliment… even on the occasions when i knew it was a backhanded one at best…

because

and this is important kids…

i didnt care… what anyone else thought  of it…. i loved it… i grinned every time i saw it come into view…and if you had asked me to name my favorite thing about that house that summer i would not have paused for  a moment…before laughing and saying …the hot pink pu$$y cat entrance….

eventually …. one of the handymen inadvertently painted the door gray…for reals…he painted my HOT PINK front door industrial gray….that was a colossal communication cluster …but whatever -thats another story

the point is…

i loved my hot pink door…

paint the town pink

i came by it naturally… or at least i felt like i did…when i was young my Granny lived in pink house… a crazily IMPRACTICAL…Victorian house on the Ocean… that was pink… i remember her coming home from a HOA meeting beaming proud of herself…for fooling the HOA into thinking her teensy pink paint chip was actually called “dusty taupe” …we danced on the porches while the house was painted… we loved it… with formal gardens everywhere… (in pots, of course,  you do KNOW how hard it is to grow vintage roses in sand!!!) and well… Grandaddy… he just shook his head… and said…

whatever makes my girls happy…

and he meant it… of course… he took quite a ribbing at the clubhouse and the golf course… but he didnt care… he would just shrug his shoulders and say ….as long as his his girls were happy and that he knew if there was ever an emergency…the fire dept KNEW where the PINK house was in the sea of beigey beigey  coastal architectural  …

he didnt care either… and lately  it may or may not have been pointed out to me by a good friend that maybe  i have….

under (what i like to think was) the guise of graciousness…

cared a bit tooo much about what some people think…

i have made excuses for people when they hurt my feelings

when they hurt my friends

when they were rude

i accepted half hearted apologies that i shouldnt have….

and well…

if 2009 has been about anything sugarbabies…its been about CHANGE and that means me too…i think i should paint more stuff pink…

im gonna try much harder  to pay much more attention to the people in my life who deserve it…and god knows they have been patient with me… and much less attention to those that dont…

because i realize that sooo many folks in my life have let me paint their proverbial houses pink….

they have taken risks with me…

they have held their collective breathe for me…

they have wondered what the heck is she doing?

and why on earth is she doing it?

they have shaken their heads at me…. and they have said

“whatever makes you happy”

and they have meant it…

and to all of them i am sooo thankful…

and to the others…

i’m afraid i just dont have the time anymore…

youre on your own…

its kinda like my great aunt fern always said...

sugar…youre gonna  reap what you sow…

and there is no way that your sour grapes are my fault…

or my problem any more….

xoxo

oh sugarbabies…   a weekend is a terrrible thing to waste! whats that?? you dont have dinner plans?? no worries sugar…just follow these quick easy steps :

  1. get your hair done
  2. drop the top
  3. (this one  is important) …get lost in great falls ( where the median home value 1.5million)
  4. agree to buy lunch in exchange for directions back to DC
  5. forget your wallet (doh!)
  6. agree to make it up to him and buy DINNER …IF he ever gets lost in your neck of the woods 😉
  7. wait 24 hours for him to call saying he’s “lost” at the capital grille @ 6th and Pennsylvania
  8. agree to rescue him (and thank heavens you know a few of the staff so its not toooo weird that he somehow found your number -and trust me it aint easy-)
  9. pull a particularly sweet pair of pradas out of their box
  10. … let nature take its course….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

evidently after a vodka tonic…a perfect sidecar…and a few stoli doli’s at the capital grille…i can be talked into almost anything…and thats how i ended up at a lingerie show…made exxxtra  classy by the fact that not just the models but also the FOOD were supplied by the infamous -read: topless- …crystal city diner…

we arrived fashionably late…and i was soon whisked into the makeup tent… so that a solid B lister of an infamous DC  drag queen could glam up my make up… sorry kids…i know  i know…but i showed up with a (gasp) bare face… and well im all about keeping it sexy….so…. 10 min later i have what the drag queen is calling a “smokey eye” and what i refer to as tammy faye gone streetwalker… but… whatever… everybody looks pretty under hot pink lights…um ok…almost everybody…

smile baby youre on candid camera

smile sugarbabies

after fingering a bit of burlesque-y beaded bits from this boutique

and confirming that a certain vintage chanel ring i have can indeed be repaired with a cute georgetown jeweler….

i headed home… i was double dating (going out more more than once a night) … i finally rolled home and crashed around 3am…

at 7 am..

there was an unfamiliar nuzzle on the back of my neck…

umm.. oh hai! iz forgot youze here…

the older gentleman next to me was asking for a morning romp…. i found the leash …threw my fur coat over my sweats … & we headed out… for a quick jaunt to the nearest flower box for some business… i figured folks were looking at how his fur kinda matched my fur…. and noting that his “pimp walk”  (read: hip dysplasia ) was tight and thinking to myself….

yeah bitchez we coordinate…. and …wow my head hurts bad

yeah… ummm it didnt even occur to me…

that last nights “smokey eye” had slid about an inch to the left and a half inch down…

the only thing i can say…is …umm…if you noticed a homeless looking cruellla deville walking the streets of dc bleary eyed with a gimpy older pup on sunday morn ….ummm my bad… im sorry sugarbabies….but being a sex kitten…. well…it  is not ALL bon bons and bacon…

xoxo

sweeeet glory sugarbabies….

its was cold down there on the front row with all those sweaty lil hockey players…im soo glad that at the last min i threw on the fur (its getting lots of use these days)… cause really wearing a jersey seems a little bourgeois  …and well….im not the type to “blend in” at a sporting event…but thats another story…anyway…

semin isnt how i spell it

semin isnt how i spell it

Semin isnt how i spell it …but…whatevs… he IS adorable….

and so is this one…

why hellllllo suggar baby.......

why hellllllo sugarrrrr baby.......

do i give a shit know anything about hockey…umm…no…

but its still fun to:

glam up the house with your fur coat…

champagne cocktails and to

hear a few whispers of  who is she?  &  did you see her shoes?

(lovies:  bright red pradas are the only TEAM colored items i own)

to have your messages thrown up on the “jumbotron”…

all that AND i managed to keep my hair out of the guy behind mes beer…

(although he admitted to some close calls and to keeping it close to his chest)

yeah our team lost…but….no worries sugarbabies…it didnt put a damper on the afterparty….

seriously kids….i party…so you dont have to….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

if..

  • you decide to head across the street to the store for “sexy time supplies”  because maybe…
  • you got a teeensy bit too much sun while sunbathing naked on a yacht off the coast of florida last weekend…and…
  • you decide youre in tooo big of a hurry to put on a shirt…
  • cause a fella who may or may not have agreed to rub lotion on the bits you cant reach is on his way over…
  • sooo…you grab the fur coat that is thrown over the Barcelona Chair ..and your umbrella …

and here is the lesson kids….

grab a fur coat …with a button… cause…holding your coat closed …with one hand and your umbrella with the other….leaves no hands available for grabbing sexy supplies at the store…. To anyone who saw my naughty girl bits in the Triple B the other night…(and most of you appeared to be visiting europeans soo i didnt get the impression you were especially scandalized) …. but to the others… ummm….oops… my bad.. but srsly?? this is DC sugarbabies… just cause its the baby oil aisle doesnt mean its safe for families…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

i’m pregnant….i know its the last thing you expected…me too….

Happy New Year

ok ok

im just messing with you…but realllly i do mean the happy new year thing.. and im wishing alll kinds of good (and naughty) things for you all in the new year..

i just talked to my Dr. and im pretty sure that the INSANE case of PMS that i’ve had for several weeks that caused me to cry uncontrollably for almost a week…awesomeness… is merely the result of the new pill she put me on..

“oh yeah thats a common side effect” …..she told me alll  casually…

like i hadnt spent the last few weeks believing myself to be completely loosing my grip …doing alll i could to avoid friends and parties…and… generally feeling like a blonder ann sexton (with better shoes of course)….

fucking the hells??

bitch couldnt have mentioned that????????

i decided to hate her..but…..i suck at that sooo i just burst into tears…

to which she replied…

im calling the pharmacy now… new pills AND some valium…

see… now i heart her…

soo if the mood swings dont kill me.. ill be blaming my red eyes on the chlorine….. as i head down to sit on santas lap in the swanky hot tubs of miami..

you kids dont wait up

xoxo

hi sugarbabies…

no worries loves…the birch sexy firewood arrived in time… of course it wasnt quite cold enough for a fire in the fireplace sooo..it just sat next to the fireplace…looking sexy… (the firewood…not me silly) i was busy serving assorted pies and booze to any that i could cajole into such sinful pursuits… old people and babies entertained each other while the college kids made out in the “boom boom room”…and the mid life crisis’ had too much of the pricey wine and passed out earlyish….

alll in all it was a perfect thanksgiving…

keeping it sexy

keeping it sexy

18 turned into twenty for dinner … (thats right bitchez dinner for twenty and we stillll managed to keep it sexy!!!) and then grew a bit as the cocktail hour stretched on … the drugstore pony kept the kiddies entertained… yes-i have a drugstore pony and hes hooked up to a light switch so you dont even have to drop a quarter in ..you can ride for as looong as you want to..or until the music drives you crazy… (best.investment.ever) … the college kids were happy to dj and tip back any unattended booze … the older folks cooed over the babies..the tweens chased the toddlers …the mommies got drunk…the daddies packed leftovers…

and… me … well i …watched it all …with a vodka tonic in one hand a microfiber cloth tucked into the pocket of my silk skirt (im stilll ocd mind you) and the realization that the ONLY reason to have a house….is… it to fill it to capacity with love, music, friends, family, good food, great booze, and all things sexy…

as often as possible…

xoxo

dear sugarbabies…..

the top 10 quotes from the weekend:

10:  “lets totalllly do something cheap tonight”  followed a few hours later later with: “ummm we are gonna need ANOTHER bottle of Dom P. please”

9 i just rocked the red roof inn… where is the limo?

8 we have commandeered a prom vehicle!

7  me:  “put the bottle of vodka in your purse” ….

freckles:  “ok but its uuugh PEACH”

6) me: we went shoe shopping @ Neiman Marcus…thats more intimate than sex….

rothko: ummm dont worry he prob still thinks the sex is more intimate

5) Butterscotch is my safe word

4) there is my favorite blond one! …(flattery and vodka tonics will get you everywhere)

3) we have rented a mansion on 16th st and we are planning a “rager” wanna come??? (OMG!! LNS has moved into my building!! )

2) i cant plan until i find a pair of sequined booty shorts

and drumrollllllll plllleeeaaaasssseee….. the NO. 1 Quote of the weekend comes from our friend freckles:

1)  tell the driver to pull right up to the door….i want to show my Brittney

sugarbabies i party so you dont have to…

xoxo


hey look what i found!! your Halloween costume!!… yall bitchez are looking yummmmy and ummm a little slutty…cool

sugarbabies

sugarbabies

xoxo

sugarbabies……. oh my…. i do hope YOU have been behaving yourselves…because…i surely havent…which i know …is the way you like it…

Now where to begin??????

maybe with the little piles of sawdust that the bed ground out of the hardwood floors from well.. you know…. …. boom chicka wah wah…. thats right… full on sawdust…yes..im a LUCKY bitch i know…. seriously ALMOST as good as the sawdust was the call a few days later from the housekeeper:

“suicide_blond i is calling you..cause you know… you must have the termites….do you want that i save the sawdust or just vacuum it up?? ok ok i get you those lil things that save the floor…*heavy sigh… while …i imagine her crossing herself , shaking her head and  quietly judging me”

or… maybe with how i sat cross legged on the upstairs sofa at busboys and poets sipping my 6th mimosa when my phone rang… hmmmm…. older rich guy who crushes too hard….wonder what he wants?… so i answer… yeah… um…hes totally calling from his beach house… because…

“im going through my expenses and i noticed there were NO SUICIDE BLOND charges this month…are you ok???”

seriously??? dude you called cause i HAVENT spent any of your money???  have you turned on the news??? do you even still have any money??? if you want to talk to me …just say so… then… i told him i couldnt go to dinner with him when he gets back to town…(all the while thinking of the sawdust under my bed)…. after alll of that….

he asked if i wanted anything from his “fleet” for the winter…you know… so i wont have to drive sex on wheels out in the snow… i told him that under NO circumstances would i drive the hummer…he laughed…. he offered the new mercedes… dude…. I KNOW that YOU DONT KNOW…and maybe if you did know more than just what you paid for it i would have time to go to dinner with you but thats another story… but the benz is rear wheel drive…same as sex on wheels… not good in the snow…but i agreed…cause…its HIS and id rather crash his car than mine ( i know call me a dirty selfish whore….just… pull my hair when you say it.)

so theres that…

you say bitch...like its a bad thing...

you say bitch...like its a bad thing...

or maybe we should talk about how i seem to have been struck by the Curse of the Venus Embrace

(yeah…its not some crazy ninja sex position..i wish it was….)

i know that even speaking of curses is bad luck …. and that the hoodoo associated with this particular curse is verrrrrrrrry strong….but …anything for you sugarbabies…as i wouldnt want any of YOU to fall prey….

i saw it….in the triple B and thought hmmm…5 BLADES OF GLORY…… heck i’ll be smooth as barry white….no boy will be able to resist…. alas….EVERY time i used the cursed thing… i ended up alone with my hitachi… on several occasions…i thought i had shaken the bad juju off that thing and that SURELY tonight would be the night…so i even used the exotic soaps from Turkey… and put on the fancy french lingerie…but… to no avail…as i said….the hoodoo is strong…i certainly would have tossed that $hit in the potomac but sugarbabies….. i spent thirty dollars on a pkg of blades…and thats a lot of cheese when youre in the middle of a global financial crisis… sooo…now that the economic downturn has begun to mess with my love life… $hit has got to give… although… in case you were wondering….

i am verrrrry smoooooth….

xoxo

sugarbabies…

there are a LOT of reasons to buy original artwork…. one of my faves is …cause they ship it wrapped in enough bubble wrap to cover the ENTIRE bed….

xoxo

sugarbabies

since my two favorite cooks here and here havent yet posted a recipe/directions…and because my favorite restaurant consultant hasnt pointed me toward a local source that can provide what i need…what we allll need … today i took drastic measures…  and sent the following note:

10.02.2008

via fax: (910) xxx-xxxx

{confidential source redacted bitchez !!}

Dear Mike;

It has recently come to my attention that you sell a famous Chocolate 10 Layer Cake… This is the best news I’ve received in months. My name is {redacted}. I grew up in NC; sadly I don’t get back home often enough. When I was a kid we bought a 10 Layer Cake every Sat at the farmers market. It was awesome.

Nowadays…. I live in Washington DC. I’m not sure if you have heard but lately …well… folks have not been getting along real well here. There is literally arguing in the halls, and even in the fancy steak restaurants. If only we could end the partisan bickering!! I really feel like it would be hard for them to argue if they were eating 10 Layer Chocolate Cake. WHO isnt happy eating a 10 Layer Chocolate Cake??? If I only I could get my hands on a 10 Layer Chocolate Cake- I am pretty sure we could avert a National Financial Disaster!!

I guess this is just a long way of asking:

Can Y’all Ship Those Things???

Sincerely,

p.s. no pressure but global economic stability may very well depend on your answer…

**UPDATE** 10 layers of goodness in transit….yeah thats right TEN LAYERS bitchez!!

i dropped my fave MARNI platform stilettos off at the cobbler this morning for a little sole soul…

i feel like a mom who just left her baby at the first day of kindergarten…

i know they will be ok…but i have to keep telling myself that the cobbler is qualified, and that the funny looks were just because they obviously think anyone wearing THOSE shoes and driving THAT car is a stripper …and they feel sorry for me ’cause im getting a bit old to be stripping for a living…NOT because they were planning  to steal my shoes…

xoxo

sugarbabies….

blogs are funny things…and while innately narcissistic… sometimes …they do manage to provide a bit of perspective…and well…a weekend full of funerals…can do that too….sooo with that in mind…what i realllly want to say IS…

sometimes….i really only feel compelled to blog when crazy or negative stuff is going on…kinda as way to sort through it…mentally put it in a box post and file it away…… and even though things are far from perfect…in the big picture…youd be hard pressed to find a girl as lucky as me…and i wouldnt want ANYONE who stumbled on this little ole blog … to EVER think otherwise…

there isnt much in my life to complain about…yes there are bumps in the road…but… every day…i say a little thank you to the fates because… seriously…

i NEVER want to take for granted alll the reallly reallly good things/people in my life…

…lifes yin/yang  cycle has been pretty evident, of late…

and while i lost good friends…folks that can not be replaced

the fates have also seen fit to introduce really good people into my life recently…

and well…

its hard to not see the cyclical nature of things…when you and your friends are:

attending funerals AND weddings,

bar mitzvahs, baptisms, AND remembrance services for 9-11

enjoying both family dinners round a big table AND date nights in smokey lil clubs with a good band, shiner bock and marios pizza,

when you get the opportunity to bump around in an old pickup truck AND cruise the GW parkway topless in Sex on Wheels

and while the economy is uncertain….right now…at this very moment…alll of my bills are paid and there is a little change in the bank…

and oh yeah…. last week i got to watch a little art porn AND some football…

the redskins even won on sunday…

…life IS good…

although …it would be okay with me if the fates would take a teeeny little bit of interest in my fantasy football team…cause evidently… choosing players based on handsomeness….while making for an awesome FANTASY…kinda makes for a sucky FOOTBALL team…

xoxo

sugarbabies…

gambling…is addictive…

“roll the dice…sex,drugs, and rock n roll are my only vice….” -Everlast

im not usually one to gamble… i work hard for my money… so ..im pretty careful bout how i spend it…and well… i know the odds… and …thats what usually keeps me from gambling… MOST of the TIME…

..but…on occasion i get lured into a game… usually …if im tempted..

its with house money… nuthin to lose…those are pretty good odds…

even a sex kitten has a hard time saying no…

…but a kitten has to be careful…

because sometimes… the house money runs out… and if you arent done with the game…

you catch yourself investing a bit of your own…

and thats when…things get dangerous…

and kittens get skittish…

and …

well…

trips out of town get booked… and car keys get tossed about carelessly…

and the housekeeper starts shaking her head at the frequent requests for linen changes…

im afraid im not a brave girl…

and when that happens…i push back from the table..

i’m not sure i can afford to lose…

maybe i shouldnt have sat down at all….

and.. now here i am…in too deep to walk away….but…not far enough

to know if winning is really possible …

whats winning anyway??

the last one at the table??? the biggest bank roll at the end of the night???

maybe “winning” …

is just getting to play the game…getting invited to sit at the high stakes table….

and maybe just maybe …i should consider….

plunking down some cold hard emotional cash….

xoxo

sugarbabies..

take notes :

dont let any of the following facts stop the party:

  • its a weekday…and the sun is coming up….
  • that you both have to be at work in a few hours….(but babies…that poor thing he didnt quite make it into the office….bless his heart)
  • that you have a plane to catch (another one leaves every two hours)
  • that you have made out soo hard..that you have rubbed your nose raw….on his scruffy bits...(mmmmeoooowrrr…dont you just love boys sometimes…)
  • that you need to leave a note for the housekeeper that says “boom chika wah wah” which loosely translates to “please wash the sheets”

and oh yeah…having one boy bring you coffee at 6 am so that you can be awake enough to have another boy bring you coffee at 7am….is wrong on sooo many levels…but …its what happened this morning…

and silly me…i thought mondays were good…

xoxo

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